Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice ...

Six Weeks Old

2009-09-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

Today Kayleigh turned six weeks old. Our household is not back to normal yet. Our routine went out the window with the birth and we are still stumbling around trying to get things back in order. Even still, Maddy and Morgan are adjusting well. They have showed only a few jealous behaviors since she came home but overall are doing great with her. More or less the fighting for our attention is the biggest issue, you know, just wanting to be held all the time and whining more. Really everything here is going great. I couldn't imagine being more in love with my family than I am right now. And while I am super excited about watching Kayleigh grow up I am praying that time crawls by at a snails pace and I can really soak in all these priceless moments. Here is a picture of my littlest sunshine!

Kayleigh Noelle - 6 Weeks Old

She's Here!

2009-08-19T08:00:00.001-07:00

Kayleigh Noelle

Born July 21, 2009
6lb. 10oz.
20 1/4 inches long.

Perfect in Every Way!
Three Incredible Daughters!

26 Weeks

2009-04-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

26 weeks has finally arrived. It is a huge milemarker for me. With Maddy and Morgan my water broke at 24 weeks but I was able to stave off actual labor until 26 weeks. At that point I developed an infection and had an emergency C-section. I delivered two tiny girls weighing in at just 1lb. 13oz and 1lb. 14oz. The first time I saw them in person they were scary tiny. Their skin was translucent and they had tubes and wires coming from everywhere. Despite their tiny structure they were pefect and beautiful and wonderfully mine. I was in love instantly and forever.

Today I saw my third daughter, my youngest, my final baby; this time it was on an ultrasound machine in my doctor's cozy office instead of the cold and sterile NICU. This time I looked on in excitement instead of fear and listened intently as the ultrasound tech checked off each feature and bone and organ on a list with a "perfect today" rating. She looked at her fluid and her umbilical cord. She looked at her femurs and her heart and spine, her kidneys and her tiny feet. She said everything, including my cervix looks perfectly perfect at this moment and there is no reason to expect delivery anytime soon.

We are so excited with this news and are looking forward to several more weeks of normal pregnancy. We have picked a name for our third daughter and here is her sweet picture from todays visit.

Kayleigh Noelle at 26 weeks 1 day gestation. Estimated weight 1lb. 10oz.

P.S. This ultrasound profile is almost identical to Maddy's profile ultrasound from 20weeks. From the tip up of her little nose, little lips, to the forhead curve, they are literally identical. I wonder if this means she will favor daddy just like her big sister. Guess we will find out in July.

Happy Spring and Happy Easter

2009-04-01T07:11:00.000-07:00

Some sweetie-pie pics from the weekend. We took the girls to see the Easter Bunny at the mall and took advantage of how cute they looked by taking some extra photos while there. Happy Spring and Happy Easter too!

It's a ...

2009-03-05T17:36:00.000-08:00

It's a baby GIRL !!!

Another sweet girl to love! We are so excited. I can't believe I am going to be a mommy to three little girls!

Pictures of My Blessings

2009-01-31T08:06:00.000-08:00

Here are some updated pictures of the girls:

Morgan and Maddy on Christmas Eve

Morgan gets in bed to wait on Santa!

Maddy ready for Santa, but not as thrilled with going to bed.

Here is a picture of my 9 week ultrasound. I am 14 weeks now.

One Year and Three Months Later ...

2009-01-30T11:30:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it has been over a year since I last updated. To say I have been busy is a huge understatement. I guess I just got bored with blogging after and while. Plus it was the first thing I cut out when my days became overfilled with the fun and frenzy two toddlers bring.

Maddy and Morgan are doing phenomenally. They are sweet, caring, silly, full of energy girls. Their personalities couldn't be any more different at this point.

Maddy is reserved and shy around others. But at home she lets it all out and is full of energy and movement. She is sometimes bossy and whiny and her favorite statement as of late is "It's Miiinnne" or "It's My Turn". She is the perfect little "mama" to her dolls and to Morgan, whom she still refers to as "baby". She is extremely attentive to her sister as long as Morgan doesn't have a cool toy or gadget in her hand. She is very loving and giving, although it is definately on her terms. She is studious and loves to learn. She has a wonderful attention span for a three year old.

Morgan is wild and outgoing, both in good ways. She is the life of a party and she loves everyone. She is extremely empathetic to how others around her feel and is very giving of herself and her things if it will make us or her sister happy. She is not demanding or whiny but is sneaky and stubborn. She loves to pretend. She loves dress up and playing house and playing with her barbies. She keeps me on my toes and needs lots of supervision as she often find herself being mischevious if left alone for long periods of time. The things she comes up with almost always take my breath away. I never know what she is going to say or do next.

The girls graduated out of therapy in July of last year and have been doing great. They are growing and changing all the time. Maddy weighs 31lbs now and Morgan is around 28lbs. They are beautiful little girls. Morgan was prescribed glasses in December and she is so cute in her Spongebob "Pensants", her pronunciation of "Princess", glasses. They are so adorable on her - that is when we can get her to keep them on. She also has two cavities we are having filled in February :(. These are some of the tiny remnants of their early arrival, but all in all I think we came away amazingly blessed.

Speaking of blessings... The girls are most excited right now about a new baby coming later this year. Yep, we're pregnant again. We weren't planning for this at all. We were surprised (surprised is an understatment really). But we are extremely excited about baby #3. We don't know the sex of the new baby yet but will probably first week of March.

Everyone polled is saying they think it is a boy, but I wonder if it isn't another girl. I really don't care as long as it is healthy! I just don't want another 1 lb. baby. It is such a hard road to go down. We do know that this pregnancy is just one baby. I have had three ultrasounds so far and we are confident that only one is there this time. My doctors are very optimistic that this will be a much easier and healthier pregnancy. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

So far my only problems this go round have been the anxiety and stress of "what if's" I do great for the first two weeks after my prenatal appt., then I stress out and worry over every little thing the two weeks before my next appt. It is like high highs when everything is all right and low lows when I feel a muscle pull or other strange sensation and start to worry until I hear all is well again. It is a battle of wills and I am trying really hard to be relaxed and optimistic too. I want to enjoy this pregnancy as it will surely be my last!

Well I hope someone out there still checks in on us every once in a while, although it has been so long that I sort of doubt anyone does. But part of writing this blog, or most of writing this blog was just for my own memories and "getting it out".

I know, I know ...

2007-10-02T09:39:00.000-07:00

I know. I have been gone FOREVER ... Things around here have been really good lately but really busy. The girls are afterall 2 now, and two 2 year olds is a handful on a good day. Plus my computer is ancient and I have dial up internet and that combination means it is so SLLLOOOOWWW slow slow and it takes a really long time to even log into blogger much less post something (WITH PICTURES).

But I have been getting emails from some asking how the girls are and asking why I haven't posted anything new in months. Um. Sorry about that. Here are some cute pictures of the girls.

They have been well. They are growing like weeds and gained a whole pound each in the last month. Maddy now weighs 24lbs and Morgan is 23lbs. They are so tall and lanky but I think they are adorable. They are growing up so fast and they are talking so much more now. Morgan's favorite thing to say is "No way" and "C'mon mommy, right now". Maddy's latest phrase is "Hush Jenny" and "More Cacoo (cookies). William is calling Maddy the cookie monster because she is in LOVE with all things cookie.

Well hope everyone out there in blog land is having a nice autumn and I will try to post some pics of the girls in their Halloween costumes later this month.

For now, here are the cute pics I promised.

Maddy at the zoo on Saturday.

Morgan at the museum on Saturday

God Bless America

2007-07-05T12:39:00.001-07:00

Water Babies

2007-07-05T11:45:00.001-07:00

Morgan hams it up for the camera at a recent family pool party :)

While Maddy relaxes on a raft!

Lazy Summer? Days ...

2007-05-09T12:24:00.000-07:00

So far this spring has been unusually warm, hot even. Today the temperature is supposed to be around 90 degrees. We have been taking advantage of these warmer days by playing outside with the girls. They love the space to run and move and we have bought them a few outdoor toys to keep them from getting too bored.

I haven't had much time to blog these last few months as the girls literally keep me on my feet all day. I wouldn't even be on here today if I hadn't placated them for a few minutes with a Disney movie. But I wanted to share some recent pics of them and update everyone with what we've been up to. Hope to hear from you all soon! Enjoy.

Maddy and Morgan have their first pudding pops! Yummy!

Maddy plays with her sand and water table. This is the coolest toy. They love it and it keeps their attention endlessly.

This is the newest outdoor toy we purchased. We went to the March of Dimes WalkAmerica a couple of weeks ago and Maddy went crazy over the moon walk. This bouncy thing was only $24.00 at an outlet store here. I had to get it for them.

This is what I have been waiting for forever since the girls' NICU days. Sitting back and watching my sweet girls splashing and playing in their baby pool. They love it. It gets all grassy but who cares.

(That's Maddy standing up and Morgan in the water)
And here is a super cute pic of Maddy and Daddy "horsing" around!

4 Free to A Good Home

2007-05-02T09:26:00.000-07:00

We have four adorable and playful kitties who are free to a good home. They are ready to go home with you today! Here is a quick look at the four so you can pick which one will be "purrfect" for your family!

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We call this one "Princess". I am pretty sure she is a girl. She is probably the friendliest of the group and the most fearless. She is very playful and loves to be nuzzled. She is the only one who has consistently come up to us when we go looking for the four. She is mostly black, brown, and white as you can see but she has this one little patch of gold hair on the right side of her head and it looks like a crown so that is why we have called her princess. Of course no matter which kitty you pick you can name them yourselves. None of them know their names yet. :)

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This next one we have been calling "Smokey". He is gray and peach and has a white belly. I have looked at his "parts" and though teeny tiny at this point I am pretty sure he is a he. I could be wrong because I am no vet but I am pretty sure he is a he. The peach color is really pretty and unique. We thought he was going to be off white but when you get up close it is almost a pink off white color and I love the little patch of peach on his nose and paw. He is really cute and very friendly. He doesn't just run up to us but he is comfortable playing on the front porch while I sit there and watch him and when I picked him up he snuggled in to me.
Smokey seen here with "Mama"
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This is "Tabby" She is almost identical to princess when you first glance at her but when she steps back from you you can see all these cute stripes under her fur. She is the most obvious mixture of "Mama" stray cat and our pet cat "Kitty". Both of these calico looking cats I have been told are girls. My best friend said that she remembers from biology class that if they have more than three colors they are always a female. I am pretty sure she is female too, just from looking for myself :) She is friendly and very playful but a little more shy than princess. She will let me hold her for a really long time though if I want to and I love that about her.

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Our last kitty and most shy is "Boo". We call him that because he is the most fearful of the pack. He has been held and will come out and play around us but if you move too fast or lean towards him he will jump back or hide under something. I tried to tell for sure if he was a he but he is too furry to see anything and because he is so shy it is hard to get enough time with him turn him over and look around. I am going with him being a he because of a few reasons. His face is a little wider than the others and he looks really different from the two girls. He is completely all black. And if I had to pick one as my favorite looking it would be him. He is so cute and fluffy and because he is so shy I just want to snuggle him more, plus I just think it would be so cool to have an all black cat.

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So these are the four. I think they are somewhere between seven and eight weeks old. I am guessing closer to seven. The are still little bitty even though some of these zoomed in pictures make them look bigger.

They are free to any good home on a first to come get them basis. I can probably deliver them to you if you live or work close by me. They seem to be really healthy. They eat plenty and they are growing appropriately. I haven't noticed anything unusual with any of them. I think they would make great inside or outside cats.

I am really hoping some of you will consider taking one of them. I am doing my best to find them each a great family but if I can't I will probably turn them over to the Bartlett Animal Shelter sometime in the next couple of weeks. I am hoping to avoid that if at all possible, but I can't keep six cats, and a dog, a fish, plus two kids, it is just too much for me to take on long term. I love my two kids. I am fairly fond of my dog and cat. I have decided to keep "mama" if I can catch her and get her fixed (soon) so that just leaves the kittens and the fish. Anybody want a fish?

Email me at mandygal2004ATaolDOTcom for more info as needed.

5/9/07----UPDATE----------------------------

"Princess" and "Tabby" are now in a loving home together. A family with two sweet girls and a baby boy adopted them this past Saturday. I am sure they will all be happy together.

Cute Pics and the Easter Bunny

2007-04-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

I took some cute pictures of the girls yesterday afternoon in my front yard. They turned out so cute that I felt I needed to post them and show everyone how sweet my baby girls are. I think they look like little angels in these dresses.

Also, today my mom and I took the girls to the mall to visit the Easter Bunny. Here are are our pics from that.

What? You don't see them sitting pretty in E.B.'s lap? Hmmm, must be because Maddy FREAKED out. She was terrified of him and then because she was so upset and clawing my arms to get me to pick her back up that Morgan started to panic too.

So we didn't get any pics this year with him (Not that the mall didn't try to convince us to go ahead with the picture, cause they did - but I wasn't paying 25.00 for a picture of my child throwing down in the floor beneath the Easter Bunny). They did visit with him though, from the safe distance of mommy and Mimi's arms. They got their suckers, which made them very happy AND very sticky girls and we went on about our merry way. Here is a picture as proof that I did dress them all cute to see the bunny in hopes of a second great EB picture. Oh well, maybe next year!

The Sweetest Thing

2007-03-20T12:40:00.000-07:00

My dad is a driver and he has had the same route to Georgia for the past couple of years. Every other night he has stayed at the same hotel on his trip while away from home. He quickly made good friends with the office staff at this hotel. Two weeks ago his route was changed and he was informed that he would have to go to Alabama for a while (hopefully not for too long, but at least for several months). This was a big change in his schedule and would mean he wouldn't get to see the people he has seen every other day for the past couple of years. On his last night at his favorite hotel in GA the staff presented him with going away presents, but instead of traditional going away presents for him they gave him gifts for the girls. Because he talks about "his babies" so much and shows his friends down there our blog, they have come to be like family. They kept in touch with what the girls were doing through the blog and knew dad well enough to know that nothing in the world would make him happier than watching the girls get spoiled with cute Easter toys.

So this weekend dad came over to the house and brought with him two gift bags chocked full of surprises for the girls. They had a blast opening it and playing with all the goodies inside. Morgan love love loved the sunglasses and is still bringing them to me over and over today to put on her. Maddy really like the purses she and Morgan got and has kind of claimed them as both hers. They got these really pretty faint pink butterfly sequin purses I put up for Easter day. I think it will go great with their dresses. Everything they got was so cute. My favorite toys were these little bubble squeezy blowers shaped like Peeps candies. You stick the blower in the bubble solution and squeeze the peep and little micro bubbles go everywhere. We had a lot of fun with that one in therapy today.

To Evelyn, Nina, Tammy(April), Jamie, and Norma:
Thank you so much for all the wonderfully cute gifts for the girls. They had a blast playing with them all. What you did for them and for my dad was just the sweetest thing ever. Thanks for thinking of us and for being such a good friend to him these last few years! Thanks for all the prayers you have sent our way since their early arrival. May God bless you all. Please feel free to comment on my blog anytime or to shoot me an email for updates. I look forward to talking to you all again.

Mandy

Raising Funds for March of Dimes

2007-02-26T11:02:00.000-08:00

This year we are working hard to raise money for the March of Dimes in honor of our girls Maddy and Morgan. We are holding a spaghetti dinner fundraiser on March 3rd, 2007 in hopes of raising $500.00 for MOD. Everyone is invited!

If you are in town and would like to come, please shoot me an email or leave me a comment on here. I can then get you directions and details. Tickets are $10.00 a plate and kids eat free. We could really use the support.

We also have a website set up through the March of Dimes WalkAmerica.com to raise online funds. If you would like to make a donation please see the link on the right side of the screen or click this link: Maddy and Morgan's MOD website We are so thankful to have family and friends who support us.

We are so thankful to the March of Dimes for their hard work and continuous efforts to prevent premature birth and birth defects. We believe because of this organization our doctors had the equipment and the knowledge to save our sweet girls. We hope with all of our support and others like us, we can make a difference in the lives of tiny babies born in the future. Maybe they won't have to suffer as much as our girls did; and maybe their parents won't have to worry about NEC and other conditions preemies develop now, but doctor's don't yet know why. March of Dimes mission is "Saving Babies Together" and we just hope to be a small part of that.

Thanks for all of your help, we couldn't ask for better friends and family! You have always been supportive when we needed you most and we can't tell you how much that means to us!

Love,
Mandy and William
Maddy and Morgan

Watch Your Mouth, A Random Thought, and Hot Wheels!!!

2007-02-19T13:30:00.000-08:00

Watch Your Mouth ...

Maddy and Morgan are repeating everything now. This weekend the we were all over at my mom's house and Poppy said "doo do" as Morgan was walking through the room. Morgan repeated the word "doo do" and kept walking. I know this isn't a bad word but we thought it was hilarious. Poppy was using this word in place of another common bad word and boy are we glad he did, because it wouldn't have been so funny to hear my 19 mo. old saying curse words while strolling through the living room.

Speaking of "Bad Words" ....

This afternoon I turned on the t.v. for the first time all day, just mostly to have some noise. I didn't pay attention to the channel until later when I heard Dr. Phil coming on. I went in the kitchen and got busy and out of the living room I hear "bleep" this and "bleep" that. Really it was bleeps, not real words. They were sensoring whatever the people on the show were saying. The people were arguing and it was almost constant strings of that "bleep" noise. I wanted to go turn it off or onto cartoons but was too busy to break away from what I was in the middle of. A little while later I realized the noise had stopped ... completely. As in there was complete silence coming from the living room. I finally went in to see what was going on, only to find Maddy walking around with the remote control and the t.v. was off. I guess she got tired of the trash talking bleeping noise and decided to just turn it off. That's my girl!

A Random Thought ...

Why do my kids always wait until I have just changed their diapers to poop? Don't they know how expensive Huggies x2 are these days :)

and HOT wheels ...

Yesterday was a gorgeous day outside and so we took the girls out to play in the yard. Here they are playing on the new wheels daddy got them for Valentine's Day!

All of these pics are of Maddy, but don't worry Morgan had her turn to. She was just off playing with something else by the time I got my camera out :)

Finally it Snows!

2007-02-02T07:52:00.000-08:00

Well the weatherman said it would snow Wednesday night, but nothing came down. Maybe a few flakes here and there. I was super dissappointed.

Then yesterday afternoon I went shopping and as soon as I got across town, William called me from work to tell me to head back home as soon as possible because it was snowing like crazy and he didn't want me out with the girls in traffic. So I tried to hurry my shopping and in the process made a rooky mistake of taking that third eye off the girls. I looked over at the basket just in time to see Maddy diving over the side of the shopping cart head first into the floor. Everyone freaked out, me included. I picked her up and tried to calm her down but she was crying so hard that her face was too red for me to figure out what was wrong, if anything. After being escorted back to the store's breakroom and getting her calmed down we realized it was just a slight bruise on her forehead and she was fine. She was back to herself relatively fast and I was relieved. I felt, of course, like a horrible mother, but then I remembered how when I was little my grandmother let me sit on the bottom of a shopping cart and I put my hands on the floor and she ran over my fingers with the wheels of the shopping cart. So I know these things happen and I am done beating myself up over it. I am just thanking God that it all ended well and my baby is okay. I will not however be letting my babies sit in the back of one of those little shopping carts again. Learned that lesson!

I got the kids in the car and headed back home. It wasn't snowing where I was. It wasn't snowing on the way home and the roads weren't even wet. The weatherman came on the radio and said the temperature was 35 degrees. I of course thought William was crazy for having rushed me before, but I think he saw snow falling for a few minutes and worried it might not stop and then the roads would get bad. It didn't matter anyway, after the incident with Maddy I wasn't going anywhere after that store except home. I was glad to get home and back to the safety of my little house.

When we headed to bed last night. The weatherman on the news said it might snow but probably would just be rain, so I was shocked when William woke me up early this morning and told me to look outside. Everything here was covered in snow. It was so pretty. We got the girls up and opened their windows so they could see it too. Then we got them bundled up and headed out to play for a few minutes before it started to melt. They were mesmerized by it, especially Morgan. Maddy was excited too, but she has the sniffles and was content to mostly just stay next to William. I did manage to get a few great pictures of them playing in it so I will try to post those today, as well as one of them playing in it last year.

Sticking close to Daddy!

Maddy looks around.

Morgan loves it!

February 11, 2006
One Year Ago. I can't believe how little they were.

NICU Memories Remind Me of How Blessed I Am ...

2007-01-26T21:13:00.000-08:00

For the other preemie moms out there, does it still get to you sometimes? Are there moments where the memories come flooding back and you find yourself all teary eyed over your own experiences? I finally feel like our experiences in the NICU are not haunting me anymore but I definately am not so far removed yet that it doesn't still pop up and get to me at random moments.

Everytime I look at my girls I am eternally greatful as I think of how close we came to not having them here with us. I look at them and I do think about the babies out there who didn't make it, who are in heaven now watching over us.

Melissa and I have been actively working on a plan to raise money for March of Dimes this year and I guess it is stirring up specific things in me that I haven't thought about in a while, if at all since the came home.

There is one particular dificult memory that keeps popping in my head.
I was out in the hallway scrubbing in for my daily visit to the NICU when one of the girl's nurses was coming back from lunch. She pulled me aside up to a wall and told me not to be upset but she had just put in an IV for Maddy and because her arms were too tiny to find the veins she had to put in in her head. I was glad she had pulled me aside and I tried to compose myself as I shakily headed to my babies room. When I walked in I lost my complete composure and sobbed quietly at my child's bedside. Here was my sweet little angel with a huge IV in her head and guaze wrapped all around. I felt devistated that day and didn't know if I had enough strength to get through the hour, much less the rest of our NICU days. It wasn't that the IV was hurting her anymore than it would be if it where located anywhere else, in fact it was more stable than many of the ones she had had already or would come to have, but still, it was just the idea of it that broke me down.

This is just one of the memories, I had today while watching her play, it drew me right back in. I probably haven't thought about that moment since we have come home from the hospital but now that it is there it feels so real and so fresh, as if I had just gone through the experience of it a day or two ago. I can still feel the room, see the hallway, feel the stab you in the heart pain of the moment. The trauma was very real and obviously still lingers some. At that moment I was so lost in pain for her and for us that I couldn't see ahead to today. I couldn't imagine there would be a day where she would give open mouth kisses and prance off across the room, play purse on her shoulder.

What I really do believe though is that God was watching over us then; and thank goodness He was able to see ahead to days like today and He alone was able to carry me through. Remembering those painful things is not something I want to do everyday anymore, and I don't for the most part, but it has been a very real part of my life. Those are my memories and they are directly tied to my heart. They are directly tied to the way that I parent and the way that I see my girls. I really do see my girls as miracles of God. Tonight watching them sleep, blankie in hand I realize how blessed we are.

I've Been Tagged ... All About MEME

2007-01-25T18:28:00.000-08:00

Casey tagged me to do this MEME and since I have never done one before and I typically find myself pretty boring :) I can't make promises that I can come up with anything funny or interesting you don't already know, but here goes.

**Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 5 facts about yourself. Then choose 5 people you want to tag and list their names. Then leave a comment on their blog letting them know they’ve been tagged.**5 things about MEME...

1. I LOVE reality tv. I know a lot of people don't, but I really do. I don't get a lot of time to watch t.v. these days but when I do fit it in, I almost always pick some reality tv show. I love Big Brother, I love Top Chef and Project Runway. I have watched the new "Dirty Dancing" reality show. I don't watch survivor a lot because I got bored with it but I used to watch it. I like American Idol sort of. I watch the beginning and end of it. I like game shows too, especially Wheel of Fortune, Deal or No Deal, 1 vs. 100, Who want's to be a millionaire reruns. I even Tivo some of them to watch later.

2. I think I am fairly friendly but as I have gotten older I think socially I have become much more shy around new people. Maybe it has something to do with not working anymore and not being around very many people over the age of 1 1/2 on a daily basis. I can talk to anyone one on one, but put me in a group of new people or even people I love and I almost always put up an internal wall. I often leave social engagements regretting things I have said to others. I don't mean that I said mean or stupid things but I always replay my conversations after the fact and I almost always feel very embarassed and a little stupid. I think years of replaying those conversations in my head have now led me to hold back a lot when I am around new people in a group.

3. I am pretty sure I have an anxiety disorder of some type. Sometimes small things that have nothing to do with my daily life will affect me and I will have panic attacks at bedtime about them. One night a few months ago I read an article on the web stating that the government was preparing to retest the drafting system and that night I was up half the night with panic. I have no idea why. It was eating me up inside and even in the middle of the stomach tightening stressful panic attack I was fully aware that I shouldn't be worked up over it at all. It had no bearings on my life at the moment at all. I have thought many times about calling my doctor and asking for medication for anxiety but two things have kept me from doing that. 1) I don't readily have the time or sitters necessary to get to the doctor and so I keep putting it off and putting it off and 2) I hate taking any kind of medicine on a daily basis and am horrible at remembering to do it. I think it would probably do me some good to go though, that or I might need to find a good therapist. :) My mom says that maybe this anxiety thing has manifested itself recently because my nerves are so dulled by the stress and anxiety we experienced with the early birth of the girls. Maybe I had such a hard time then that my coping skills evaporated and now little things just work their way under my skin and I have a melt down. Who knows, it sounds logical to me. My question is how do I get back to the normal me who isn't so irrationally afraid of things anymore.

Wow I had no idea how this MEME thing was going to come out but I am finding really weird personal stuff to splay out there. Sorry about that .... Okay okay, think funny or at least interesting ...

4. I am seriously thinking about going back to school in the fall. Maybe doing some online courses first and then some basic classes at our local community college. I think I am pretty serious about pursuing a teaching degree. I am pretty creative and I think I would really enjoy teaching elementary school. It is really up my alley and I know that if I could get started back into this school thing I could finish it and then have the career I have always wanted. The hardest part is trying to figure out how to get back in after ten years of being out of school. I called yesterday and talked to an admissions counselor and I really think I am going to do this. I will have to pray for financial aid of course but I don't think that will be a big deal (being as poor as we are :) )

5. I Love LOVE Love where I am at in life right now. Early 20's were filled with trying to figure out where I belonged in this world and now that I am a few years older I finally feel I am at a place in my life where I am truly completly happy. I have everything I have ever wanted and wished and prayed for. I have a very supportive wonderful husband and two gorgeous sweet baby girls who are healthy and happy. The girls freely give away kisses and say baby gibberish in response to my constant "I love you's" to them which I interpret readily as "I love you too, mom" My days may be hectic some and boring others but there can't be anything better in the world than spending the day with people who love you more than anything else in their world. It feels magnificient to finally be at this place of complete contentment.

Well, I am done. Whew that was hard and easy at the same time.

Five people to tag (if they feel up to it):

1. The newly pregnant Kathy of "All About the Boy" ... not for long :)
2. Carrie Lynn
3. Tonya of "A Mother's Journal"
4. Mandy of "Anna and Emma"
5. Anybody else who wants to do it.

Let me know if you do it, so I can read :)

Runny Noses, Cough, and Fever ... Oh My!

2007-01-16T15:42:00.000-08:00

Well I guess winter has finally caught up to us. We were doing so good until this past weekend when both girls started with a cough and runny nose. Then Sunday night Morgan broke out in high fever and it stayed that way till sometime this afternoon. Finally both girls had a few hours of feeling better thanks to our dosing them up on Motrin, Tylenol, Robitussin, and Benadryl (off and on of course). Now that night time has hit, both are running low grade temps. On top of that, I have a sore throat and generally feel like I could go to bed and sleep for a week. Plus Maddy has diarrhea; from all the juice we have been giving them I assume (fever = no milk). They are fussy and grumpy. Maddy has dissolved in tears more than once today when Morgan gets anywhere near her. I assume she thinks Morgan is out to take her toys. William was off yesterday for the holiday and so today was his first day back to work since they came down with the crud. It has been trying and I am hoping tomorrow proves to be better. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Happy New Year!!!

2007-01-11T16:06:00.000-08:00

Well, I haven't blogged in FOREVER. I haven't had time and honestly I am pretty bored with blogging. I don't know if I am ready to call it quits or not yet though. My family seems to like being able to check in for new pics and show off to their work buddies and friends. I've been told I have out of town extended family that reads but I am not sure about that either.

We have been doing great. Maddy and Morgan had a fabulous Christmas and literally received an obscene amount of toys. We have no time for the computer because we spend all day rotating toys in and out for them to play with. We had a really nice holiday spending lots of time with family. For New Year's weekend we took the girls to the mountains for a little getaway. We all had a blast. The weather was really nice and the girls love love LOVED walking around in the woods and playing in the mountain streams (okay ... looking at them, it was too cold to touch) William and I really enjoyed the time away from the house and from our regular routine. This was really the first time we have taken the girls on a vacation.

The girls are getting bigger everyday and both are walking and running now. Maddy is almost jumping but she isn't quite able to pick her feet up off the ground yet but she is so cute when she tries. Morgan bounces with Maddy like she wants to jump too. They are both kicking and throwing balls and just generally seem more like little girls everyday then the babies they were. Yesterday I let them eat chocolate pudding with a spoon and it was a mess everywhere but they are really ready to start using utensils I think. They know now that a spoon goes in the food and then to your mouth, though the pudding ended up almost everywhere but their mouths.

Tomorrow the girls are going over to their Aunt Melissa's house to spend the weekend. It will be the first time they have ever gone anywhere for the weekend. I know they will have a nice time but I don't know what I am going to do with myself with so much freetime. Hopefully get caught up on my scrapbook and have some R&R time to myself.

The girls are the light of my life and things are really good for us right now. I hope all of you are having a happy New Year this year and I hope to hear from you soon.

What a Difference a Year Makes ...

2006-12-05T16:28:00.000-08:00

This is our Christmas picture from last year!
Maddy and Morgan 2005

This is our Christmas pictures from this year!
Maddy and Morgan 2006

Are you as amazed as we are to see the changes?
We are so blessed!
--------------------------------------
Morgan makes sweet faces for the camera. We said in this one she is saying "Please Pawpaw, buy me lots of presents. I love you .. wink wink"
Morgan watches as we put the lights on the tree

Maddy helps Mommy trim the tree with ornaments

Getting In the Christmas Spirit

2006-11-30T09:37:00.000-08:00

Morgan calls our tree "ooo oo" because that is what she says everytime she sees it. We ask them, "Where's your Christmas tree?" and they both point at it. Then Morgan says "ooo oo". It is so cute. This Christmas is going to be so much fun. I can't wait to see their little faces light up Christmas morning when they see all the goodies Santa is going to leave them.

Morgan is mesmerized by her first Christmas tree. Maddy loves the blinky lights

Our First Visit with Santa

2006-11-30T09:26:00.000-08:00

Maddy couldn't wait to see Santa. She ran to him.

Morgan was very curious as to who this jolly guy was :)

Our "Official" picture with Santa.

Happy Happy Thanksgiving

2006-11-27T07:02:00.000-08:00

We have been so busy around here. William was off for the holiday and we had a nice four day weekend together. We really tried to pack in the family time. He has been working six day weeks for months and months and the time together was such a relief. Thursday I cooked Thanksgiving dinner all by myself down at my dads. I made a ton of food and the turkey turned out perfect. It was golden and juicy. I was afraid before it finished that it was going to be like the turkey in "Christmas Vacation", but thankfully it wasn't.

Maddy and Morgan have been sick since last week. They ran fever all last week and we ended up at the doctor's office last Wednesday. Maddy had a double ear infection and Morgan they said had fever from shots she had had two weeks prior? Thanksgivng day was kinda rough with Morgan, she ran fever all day and was really puny. She really wasn't up for all the festivities and ended up sleeping away most of the day.

Friday both girls perked up and were feeling so much better. We layed around the house most of the day but in the afternoon we took the girls to a Christmas Event here in our town. It benefits the hospital they were in the NICU at and it had all these animated animals and lights to walk the children through. It was indoors, though it wouldn't have mattered since it was such a gorgeous day outside here. Maddy and Morgan loved the exhibit and we walked through it twice so they could get a good look at all the animals. It was exactly the same as I had remembered it from when I was a little girl. We didn't however see Santa there. Because they had been so sick I was wary of more germs. So we just pushed them around in their stroller. After that we headed home and spent the rest of the evening relaxing and working on a puzzle.

Saturday, William woke me up at 9am and asked me if I wanted to take some of our "junk" to the flea market up the road to sell. We haven't done this sort of thing since before I was pregnant. It is really a lot of stuff to get together and seemed too hard to throw together at the last minute. But it was such a pretty day outside and William really wanted to go because his brother was there. So he packed it all up in his nephew's truck and I packed up the girls and the playpen. It was a lot of fun and we made $152.00 in 4 1/2 hours. They do say that "one man's junk is another man's treasure" I was glad we cleaned out some space in our barn and excited to have enough money to get our Christmas stuff out of layaway.

Yesterday we spent the day at home. I wanted to go to church but we aren't able to put the girls in the nursery during RSV season and we didn't line up a sitter. I went to Walmart and got groceries and William worked on his car. The girls played all day and literally had toys scattered from one end of the room to the other. They had a blast but were exhausted by 7:30pm. William and I finished our puzzle and watched a sad sappy Hallmark movie on tv. It was a nice quiet end to our "vacation" weekend.

It was so much fun. I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving holiday. I know this year was more exciting for me because I realized just how very much I have to be thankful for. I look at my two little girls and my heart wants to explode with love for them. I look at them and literally see how much God must love me to have blessed me this much. It was a wonderful thanksgiving for us and I really hope it was for you too.

Test Results and Power Tools

2006-11-15T16:42:00.000-08:00

First and foremost. I got the test results from Morgan's EEG and MRI tests she had last week. Both tests came back completely normal and she is scheduled for a followup with her doctor in two months. This is great news and is 100% proof that she doesn't have any brain damage from NICU and no cerebral palsy. We are so excited!!!

Morgan is up and walking more and more now and Maddy is running from room to room like a wild woman. Both of the girls are ahead of schedule on their fine motor skills even if you don't correct thier age, and they are right on target for their gross motor. Our OT is talking about reevaluating them to see if they are ready for discharge soon. Our PT is going to hold off on putting Morgan in leg braces to see if she corrects her funny foot positioning as she gains more control over her balance with walking. This is all such good news for our family. With all the preemie stuff we deal with every day it is nice to finally be heading in the right direction. It is wonderful to hear positive news.

Today Melissa came over and I told her about how I want to put my big Christmas tree up this year. Last year I just put up a tiny tree on a table. It was all I could muster with the girls being so little and demanding and I was so happy when it came time to put it away because all I had to do was fold up the branches and stuff it in a box. The problem I had with the little tree was that it didn't do anything to bring in the spirit of Christmas. I missed my fancy tree and all my decorations. I missed putting the presents under it (last year I just kept them piled up in the closet till time to take them to parties). I really am looking forward to doing a big Christmas this year ... but ... I have been very worried about the stress of keeping two very curious toddlers away from the tree and safe. So I devised this plan to build a box in the corner of my living room and behind it I could put the tree. It really is more of a L. Two long boards screwed together with "L" brackets and then I wanted to cover it with batting and Christmas fabric so if the girls touched it they wouldn't get a splinter or hurt themselves. In my mind this idea made perfect sense.

When Melissa got here I got out the tape measure and we figured out the dimensions we would need and headed to Lowes to buy some wood. Two babies in the cart and two women walking around Lowes must have been more than some of the employees and shoppers could handle. Every turn and every question was answered with condescension like we couldn't possible have a clue what we were going to do. Just a simple request for help with lumber was met with a "You don't know what you're doing" stare. When we got to the station where they cut the wood for you, the cutter guy was friendly but kept asking us the dimensions again like we must have them wrong. At one point he even got out his tape measure and started pretending he was building what we were describing just to see if it was logical. Of course in the end he just cut the wood to the size we needed. He had to ask us like four times the measurements (which were very simple) because he kept forgetting. When he finally passed off the cut wood to us he said something like "Good luck with your project" in a way that sounded like "You can't do it" We walked away sqwaking about it. We had asked the wood cutter what aisle the screws were on and he told us two. So off to aisle two we went. On aisle two we looked up and down for the "L" brackets and screws but weren't finding them. Another employee walked up and we asked him where to find the brackets. He scoffed and told us we were looking in the wrong place and then took us over a couple of aisles. It just seemed like every row we went to people were acting like we were trying to build a house with no instructions. Like we couldn't possibly know what we were doing. I found it humorous. Melissa was aggravated.

We got our wood loaded in the car, packed in the kids, and off we went to Walmart fabric department, where we were treated like we knew EXACTLY what we were doing and then we headed home. While it was quite humorous and times putting together the wall. It was overall very fun and in the end I am so proud of what we did. It is really pretty. It works and fits perfectly in the room. The girls think it is cool and best of all they can't reach over it. It comes up to about their armpit level (18") and it has this pretty fabric with a snowman scene across the bottom. I can't wait to show you pictures but my camera batteries are dead, figures :). I guess I will have to wait till I get my tree all up and then take a picture of the whole thing at one time. I usually put it up Thanksgiving weekend.

Hope everyone is having a great week. I will talk to you all soon :)

Mostly About Morgan ...

2006-11-08T15:06:00.000-08:00

Here are some more pictures from recently. I haven't had a lot to write about and most of the things I do have to write about I haven't really felt up to writing about. So I figure I will just write a little and post some new pictures.

Morgan shows off her pretty butterfly shoes. Isn't this just the cutest dress? Someone gave it to us from Baby Gap and it still had the tags on. Would you believe it is a 0-3mo. size. Isn't that crazy?

Yesterday I took Morgan to the hospital to have her MRI and EEG. It was not a fun experience to say the least but we did get through it. We ended up being at the hospital for eight hours total. We don't have any of the test results yet but I am hoping that by tomorrow we will have some clue as to when we will at least find out the results. I called the neurologist office today and they are going to call me back tomorrow and set us up an appt. or give us the results over the phone? I don't know. I love the doctor but the office seems a little scatterbrained to me.

Here are some pictures of Morgan's post "EEG hairdo" It was crazy stiff and she still has paste in her hair today from the procedure. I think I washed it at least four times last night, put baby oil in it, and combed and brushed it for about an hour and still there is stuff stuck to her head today :)
Because she was such a good baby all day long and was put through the ringer with these tests (three sticks for an IV to sedate her) and hours and hours with no food or drink. She deserved a balloon. This is her balloon...and a teddy bear ... which Maddy kept taking while Morgan was getting her hair brushed. So we have had an adventurous week so far and it is only Wednesday. I hope the rest of the week is calm and more collected :) Hope to hear from you. Going to go brush up on some of the blogs I haven't had the chance to read lately. I hope to update more this week.

Happy Halloween

2006-11-01T07:55:00.000-08:00

We had a really happy Halloween. We had a very busy day out and about. We went trick or treating at my mom's work and at my old job too. The girls were so cute and they loved all the attention they got. Last night we went over to my mom's house and handed out candy to all the cute little kids. Maddy and Morgan had a blast. They really don't eat candy yet so we put Gerber Fruit Puffs in their pumpkin and they had so much fun digging down in it to get their "treats" out.

Here are some pictures of them in their cute little poodle skirts.

Our Pumpkin

Taking a Break

2006-10-30T11:21:00.000-08:00

Things have been fine around here. I just needed a blog break. I have been spending a lot of time playing with my girls and haven't felt like taking the time to upload pictures and type up thoughts on the computer. But I didn't want everyone to forget about us so I figured I better get back on here and post something.

Here are a couple of pictures of the girls in their fuzzy new houseshoes!

Let's Celebrate

2006-10-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

One Year Ago:
Maddy comes home!

Morgan comes home! Swaddled babies, Morgan and Maddy!

Today: A celebration
Mommy makes pink cupcakes to celebrate! Yummy!
Maddy waits patiently for more icing ...
Yay, presents! Mommy got us this tent to celebrate
Morgan checks it all out!

Happy Homecoming Girls

2006-10-09T14:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Homecoming Anniversary to my sweet baby girls!
One year ago today we were getting everything set to bring Maddy home from the hospital. Oh, it was such a sweet day. We chose to room-in with the girls on that Sunday night. Maddy for sure was scheduled to come home the next day. But when we got to the hospital to stay for the night, we found out that Miss Morgan was one ounce shy of four pounds and since that was the required weight to leave the hospital, the doctors wouldn't even let her spend the night in our hospital room with us and her sister.

That evening the nurses wheeled Maddy to our room in her crib and brought along with her all the monitors and contraptions that she would need. It was the first time we were ever really alone with her. William and I were just enamored with her. We sat in the room just staring at this tiny baby. She was four pounds two ounces. It was quiet. There was no beeping or alarms going off all around us and I think that was the first time we ever had a really quiet moment with our daughter. It was of course bittersweet though because her sister was still in the NICU across the hall from our room.

That night I got up every couple of hours to feed her and after she was settled back in the metal crib, I would walk over to the NICU and feed Morgan. Me in my pajamas and all, sitting in the NICU rocking chair at two a.m. spending time with Morgan, whom the next day I would leave behind all alone at the hospital.

The next morning the nurses knocked on our door. Surprise! They had weighed Morgan that morning and she was four pounds even so they wheeled her bed into our room to be with her sister for awhile. Now they were together again. We took Maddy from her bed and put her in the crib with Morgan. Both girls were side by side for the first time since before they were born. They seemed instantly to be at peace that way.

We played for a while and then we all went back into the NICU to get Maddy ready to go home. We were hoping the doctors would take Morgan's morning weight and let her go home with her sister but they didn't. The doctor wanted us to wait one more night. So sadly we took Maddy home that day and sweet Morgan stayed the rest of the night in the NICU. It was the first time in her life that I didn't spend almost the entire day with both girls.

Luckily the next morning came fast and the nurses called and told us to come pick up Morgan. When I arrived at the hospital I left my mom and Maddy in the car and ran up to get Morgan. They had her all packed up and waiting on me. Finally we were a family. All together. All in one place and for the first time ever, not in a hospital. It was a wonderful moment for me.

Happy Homecoming Maddy (October 10th) and Morgan (October 11th) I have loved every single minute of the last year at home with you. I have loved watching you grow and play together. Your bond as sisters, as twins, is stronger than any I could have imagined. I love you both so much and am so excited to spend the rest of my life watching you grow and mature into the beautiful smart girls I know you are becoming. I love you both very much.

Love, Mommy

NICU Reunion

2006-10-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

Today we attended the girls first NICU reunion. We didn't think we were going to be able to make it at first because the girls had been sick earlier in the week with fever but all turned out well and since they are feeling much better (no fever in 48 hours) we went ahead and went over.

I can't begin to describe some of the emotions I had just pulling into the parking lot again. Looking at the hospital where so much took place, where we spent day in and day out for so many weeks. It was so nice to see all the nurses and staff that were such a part of our everyday life just one year ago. Next week is the one year anniversary of the girls homecoming.

The girls were so excited by all the activity and it was really sweet how everything was all set up. Morgan went crazy over all the colorful balloons. This year's theme was Disney.

We arrived and registered and they gave the girls name tags that said "NICU Graduate", their name, and their birth weight. I looked around at some of the other kids and realized that my girls were some of the tiniest ones there. There were tons of people and tons of multiples. We even saw quads. We met up with our buddies the Hurts. They have triplets and we have kept in touch since meeting in the NICU last August.

We all had a really good time going around to all the "stations" that were all set up. We took pictures with our favorite nurses, we took pictures with Cinderella and Prince Charming. We took pictures with Donald and Daisy Duck. Then we headed down the hall where they had pictures of the girls and other NICU graduates on big posters lining the walkway. In a conference room (the same one we took childbirth classes in) they had a weight station set up. Nurses took the girls weight and height and entered it on cute little certificates that said "Look How We've Grown" and had their birth weight and today's weight. Maddy was 18lbs. 11oz. and Morgan was 17lbs. even on their scale (She had a full diaper and heavy shoes on, she was 16.4 at the doctor's office on this past week). Then they got their handprints made in this colorful foam stuff that is supposed to harden. We saw a video with pictures of babies that were the size the girls were when born but looking at it seemed unreal and impossible for a child to survive that small.

In the cafeteria they had a snack station set up and we ran into one of the girls main nurses, Carole. She took Maddy and leaned in to hug me. She said "We were just talking about you the other day". I looked puzzled and she talked about how her and a couple of the other nurses had been wondering how we were doing. She said "You really had it rough here didn't you sweetie" and all I could say was "yes".

She was referring to the girls bowel perforations at a week old and the news that Maddy was gravely sick just two days after her sister was air lifted to the children's hospital and then they were taking Maddy too. The girls had colostomy bags that near the end began to tear their skin off thier little tummies and cause substantial amounts of pain to all of us, but especially them. She was right. I really had it rough, but look what I gained from it. Sometimes I feel like I walked through fire and out came this wonderful life with two beautiful perfect in every way babies. I wonder if all NICU mommies feel that way. You could tell there was a commraderie there between the parents. The way we smiled at each other and celebrated with each other. Like we were members of a secret club that truly understood the happiness associated with the days festivities.

Here are some pictures of the girls today:

Morgan goes crazy over this big redbird.
She kept laughing and lunging at it. It was so cute.
We got another picture of him holding her and she is all
arched back trying to grab his beak.

Maddy and Ms. Deloris. She was one of our favorite nurses.
She always kept me laughing.

Maddy standing around. Having a good time.

Who could resist a picture with Daffy and Daisy Duck?
Not Maddy or Morgan :)

This is Ms. Lori. She was another favorite favorite nurse.
She would always let me hold the girls when I wanted to. I would cross my fingers everyday hoping we would get her!

This is when we first arrived. Maddy was content just sitting back having a bottle. But Morgan wanted to get out and see everything.
She went crazy over all the balloons and colors.

This was Ms. Carole and Maddy at the snack station.
I could always tell she was a really caring person. Today when she hugged me I felt like she really had sympathy/empathy for all we had been through.
A very good nurse.

Up To

2006-10-03T15:57:00.000-07:00

Well things haven't been all bad lately. I know I was bummed with my last post and then with good intentions I promised some new pics, so that is what I am going to do.

We are feeling much better here in our household. We have been up to lots of fun things lately and none of it has alloted any leftover time for the computer so that is why this blog has been so lacking, that and the fact that I am chasing two VERY mobile little girls around and around all day.

Lets see, we've been playing hard . . . .
We've spent some time out on our new swingset in the backyard. That has been really fun. Maddy especially gets a kick out of being pushed back and forth. It seems to relax Morgan more than thrill her but she loves it anyway.
Maddy is up and off all the time now. She is walking everywhere. She stumbles a lot but when she falls she pops right back up and keeps on going.

We've been shopping a little . . . .
We got new booster seats for the kitchen. They are big hits with the girls, especially since they are eating all kinds of yummy new foods now. Just this morning the girls shared french toast sticks cut up into tiny pieces and they have been eating fruit puffs and crackers and soup and all kinds of yummy big girl foods.
They also got some great new clothes. I hit a local consignment sale and really racked up on fall clothes and pjs for them.

We've spent time with family . . . .
We spent all day Saturday with my dad. We visited with my grandparents and really had a fantastic time. Since Thursday is my birthday my dad bought me a new purse and some shoes. It was such a nice low key day.
We also took time to go to the fair twice. The first time wasn't so bad but the second time was nothing to write about. It was so hot and miserable and way too crowded to have a good time. These pictures are from our first trip with Aunt Melissa.

And a few more things that we have done but failed to document with camera . . . .

We took Morgan to the neurologist. He was overall very positive but does want to schedule and MRI and EEG on her sometime soon. Melissa went with me to the appointment to help with Maddy. The doctor took one look at Maddy and called her a firecracker. He said they both looked wonderful for being as premature as they were. He said that Maddy is walking very early and that is really good for her. He said Morgan didn't seem to have any major muscle tone issues to worry about yet and that was extremely exciting news for me.

Also I joined a mom's group. It is for stay at home moms for my area. I went to a "carnival" to meet all the other moms and decided while I was there to give it a shot. It is only $20.00 dues for the entire year and they have activities each week to go to. All of them are child friendly. Some of the more mom geared activities they even provide childcare for and the others are like playdates at the park and visits to the zoo and ect. I think it will do me some good to get out of the house more and be around other stay at home moms. I am really looking forward to hopefully making some new friends.

So that is what we have been up to. Hopefully this week I will be able to find time to update more often and maybe snap a couple of new pictures to post. Gotta go feed the babies now :)

Still Here

2006-09-29T19:37:00.000-07:00

I'm still here. It has just been a crazy week. Some days were really really up and some weren't so I haven't had much time to post. I did so good by posting twice in one day last Thursday and then I let my good writing streak just go to waste.

I don't really feel much writing tonight. I would be so happy that today is finally Friday but at the last stupid minute William's company deemed tomorrow ANOTHER MANDATORY SATURDAY!!!! I am so so sick of mandatory Saturday's. Anyway I am just a lot bummed out tonight. I've found myself feeling down a lot this week.

The other night I had the girls in the bathtub and they were having a marvelous time splashing and playing and laughing at each other and it was really cute but I just couldn't find any cheer in the moment. I mean I even realized looking at them that something was wrong with me because I couldn't be happy in that moment. I was sad and depressed. I missed William so bad in that moment that my stomach hurt. I think what is wrong with me is just I am sick and tired of William working six days a week. I am lonely and I miss our time together. I miss having someone to share the load with and I miss having someone to talk to. I think this might be the last Saturday they have to work for a while so maybe I will feel more upbeat next week.

I will try to post a real post tomorrow, maybe even with some cute pictures and all. We'll see :)

Hi Ho Hi Ho ... Off to work we go!

2006-09-21T16:50:00.000-07:00

Today I took the girls to eat lunch with Mimi (my mom). We had huge Greek salads sitting on the patio of the restaurant. Today was another beautiful day outside. The girls have really been enjoying the fresh air and sunshine. After lunch we headed back over to mom's work to show the babies off. They were the hit of the office and Maddy even tried to make herself useful by picking papers out of the shred bin and then putting them back in it. I think she really thought she was doing something great. Everybody at mom's work just oohed and aahed over them, telling me over and over how beautiful they are. It made our day.

After leaving there I took the girls to BabiesRUs to pick up a few things we needed and ended up getting a few extra things, including a baby swing. It takes about fourty-five minutes to get home and the girls slept all the way. They were so tired from all the excitement. When we got home I layed them down for a nap but they wouldn't hear of it. I guess all that snoozing in traffic was all they needed. So I took the playpen and set it up in the front yard. I took a couple of toys and two very happy babies outside to play some more.

We have an ancient swing set frame in our front yard. It has been here since before we moved in and that was several years ago. It is missing most of the actual swing set equiptment but it is still in sturdy enough shape to be used. I hooked the girls new swing to it, which was extremely easy. I put Maddy in it first and she had a blast going back and forth. Then when she looked weary I switched her out of it and put Morgan in it. They had so much fun, wind in their hair.

William usually gets off around 8ish at night but today he went in earlier than usual and got off about six. When he came home we were still outside playing and he and I moved the old swingset frame across the yard to the other side of our house, that way we would have more privacy when we play outside. After we moved it, he got on one of the old seesaw seats and swung back and forth with Maddy. She loved that too. I of course took pictures.

Now we are inside getting ready to settle in for the night. Both Maddy and Morgan are exhuasted from the long day. Morgan is actually laying on the floor throwing a whiny tantrum right now and Maddy is just whining and playing with her toys. I think we might be putting two little angels to bed early tonight, but that is okay too I guess.

It was such a fun day. I am so glad it is fall now and we can actually get outside and not bake to a crisp. I love this new fall air. Someone told me today that tomorrow is the official first day of fall? Woohooo!

Lunch! Yummy, yummy ...

Helping Mimi at work!

Playing Outside at home :)

Oh Daddy, you're SO silly!

P.S. Can you believe I actually blogged twice, TWICE, in one day! Yay, for me!

Easy Breezy Beautiful Afternoon

2006-09-21T07:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was such a beautiful day here. It was breezy without being cold and the temperature was just perfect. I had quite a bit of company throughout the day but during the afternoon I packed up the girls and took them to a park around the corner that Brigitta, their sitter, had told me about. It had two baby swings side by side and a cute little playground. It wasn't a busy park and there were lots of trees for shade. We had a great time. This was the first time the girls have ever been to the park and the very first time they have been on the swings or slide. Here are some pictures from our wonderful afternoon :)

When we got done, we stopped for an ice cream cone to share. The girls were so cute with the ice cream and of course it was all over them, but that was part of the fun.

All Better

2006-09-14T09:45:00.000-07:00

What makes a bad day all better?

1. Cookies .... Homeade (okay, Pillsbury Break Apart & Bake) Chocolate Chip Cookies

2. Bubble Baths, every girls love them!
3. Daddy! Daddy always makes our day better :)
4. A good night sleep! Happy girls from this morning.
Here's to having a much happier day today!

Irritable and Gross Day - We all have them right?

2006-09-13T16:44:00.000-07:00

I am so irritable today. The girls are so irritable today. I don't know what is wrong with us. Here are 10 reasons today has NOT been my favorite.

1. When I woke up this morning William and I decided to run to Walmart. We both needed a couple of things. First I couldn't find my shoes, then I couldn't find something else I was looking for. I was irritated and I knew right then at 8am that it was going to be one of those kinda days.

2. We got to Walmart and I needed some ribbon cut from the fabric department and the lady back there was SO rude. I asked her if she knew if they had any sequins and she said no, not sewn together but they had some that were loose. But then she didn't tell me where to find them and just walked off and left me standing there.

3. When we got home I realized I had forgotten to get a few things at Walmart but was too tired to go back.

4. This afternoon I was talking to William on his cell phone at work. He was on his lunch break in the breakroom. We were in the middle of discussing something in depth when they called him to the front office so he had to let me go for a minute. He called me back and it was almost time for him to go back to work. We were saying goodbye when I hear his boss in the background acting like a jerk and telling him "breaks over" and to "hang up".

William is a manager and is on the phone all day with different companies. Also he has been probably one of the best good punctual hard working employee at this company for years. His break was interrupted while he was on the phone with me the first time and now he is being told to "hang up" on his wife. What a jerk. I am so sick of his boss. He is such a ..... (fill in the blank yourself). This is just one of a million reasons I don't like the guy. He is just full of himself and likes power and gets in these moods where he tries to treat my husband like a child. I could have gone through the phone at that moment. I wanted to tell William to just quit and come home but of course I couldn't because ... we had already hung up.

5. I was making lunch for me and went to put my paper plate in the microwave when I bumped the sink and my coke that was on the counter fell over and poured out its entire contents all over the floor. So I had to clean that up of course :( and by that time my food was cold again.

6. I have been working hard on the girls Halloween costumes for the past two days. Hence the reason I needed sequins (which I never did find) and was almost through when I realized I had messed up and sewn the front side to the back side of the skirt I am making and had to take every machine stitch out by hand and start all over. That sucked. I finally got it all figured out and was finished with it for the day. I put it on a hanger and layed it on the table. Without thinking I stopped and grabbed a coke from the fridge and popped the top and coke of course spashed out onto my newly finished project. That really made me feel bad. I got it clean thankfully so hopefully it will be okay.

7. On top of all the bad luck today, I think I have literally changed eight poopy diapers in the last nine hours since William left for work and I think if I smell or see any poopy diapers again I am going to go crazy. I can't wait till he gets home so he can be on full time diaper duty for the rest of the night. I think I have done more than my share today!

8. We are having a nat problem in the house this week. Usually we only have nats when we have overly ripe bananas on the table. For some reason they pop up when the bananas start to turn brown. But we haven't had any bananas in the house for weeks. We change our garbage out at least once a day and the house is clean. We have no dirty dishes in the sink and haven't for a couple of days. When I sit at the computer desk they fly around my head and to the lit up computer screen. I only see one at a time. If I kill that one another one magically appears. There is nothing around a computer desk I can think of that would attract them. I went to my room this afternoon while the girls were napping and tried to read a book I have just started and guess what ... nats. All around the book and my face. I am swatting in the air like an insane person. I can't stand it. We live next to an orchard so maybe that has something to do with it. A lot of the fruit that hasn't been picked is probably rotting outside now. Whatever the reason, it is driving me crazy!

9. The babies are whining and crying all the time today. If they aren't whining and crying and snatching toys from one another, they are getting into everything and I mean EVERYTHING they are not supposed to.

10. For example, our house is so tiny, so our computer desk in in the corner of the room. It is a hutch with doors on the front that can be closed to keep the girls out of it. At the bottom of it is our printer with paper on it, plus some miscellaneous cords that go to the digital camera and what not. When I sit at the desk. I have to put pillows up to keep the girls from crawling under my feet and pulling all of the paper off the printer and eating it. It is seriously annoying. Today Morgan has taken it on as her personal mission to do everything in her power to get to the desk. She has crawled around the first pillow, behind my computer chair, and comes around in this tiny crawl space between the wall and the desk. I have to keep picking her up from one side of my chair and putting her over on the other side. I keep fussing at her and telling her "no" but as soon as I sit her down on the side where I want her she starts making her way around again. So it is a constant chaotic movement and I can't type because I keep having to move her. I am trying to ignore her now but of course because I am, they are now BOTH in the tiny crawlspace area fighting with each other.

Tonight I just want to cry. I am tired and I am so frustrated. Some days it is so hard having two fiesty exploring cranky clingy babies wanting to hang all over me. Sometimes the workload is just more than one person can handle alone. Don't get me wrong I love them more than life itself and I would rather have 100 billion irritable crazy crappy days than be without them for one second. But it is not always cookies and sunshine being a mom. Some days are much harder than others. I know every mom out there probably feels like this at some point or another so I know I'm not alone. For today, I just can't wait for William to get home so I can crawl under the covers and start tomorrow a different way!

Thank goodness it is almost bedtime now :)

Grandparent's Day and an Impromptu Photo Shoot

2006-09-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was grandparents day and so William and I got up and decided to take the girls around town to see all of their grandparents.

We went to lunch at a local pizza place and then we stopped at Papaw's house to drop off a card for him. He is my Papaw and the girl's great grandfather. He seemed to really enjoy seeing us and didn't seem to mind at all that they went around the room banging away on this and that.

My mom's house was next, to see Mimi and Poppy. The girls love going over there and we spent about an hour hanging out with them. Morgan took in a few minutes to play a concierto again on the piano and Maddy played happily in the walker, running from this room to that squealing "Dada" the whole time.

When we left my mom's house we headed home where my dad was in route to come to our place to visit with the girls. My dad loves photography and has this fancy Nikon digital camera that takes excellent pictures of the babies. It will hold a few thousand photos so we are in no short supply when it comes to taking pictures of them. So last night William and I had fun setting up the living room to look all fall/autumn like, so that we could take some pictures of the girls. Boy did we ever. I think we took close to three hundred pictures all together.

I love to send out holiday cards to our friends and family and thought it would be fun to send one out for fall this year. It was cooling off outside but then today the temperature shot up again to like 97. Whatever, when it starts to really cool off, I am going to send some out.

As I was saying, we set up pumpkins and corn and watermelons that William got out of our garden and we bought some leaves and flowers at Walmart to lay around and we set up a cute little photo shoot. I am going to post some of the pictures we ended up taking of the girls. Some are so funny and some are just so darling I had to share. Hope you enjoy :)

Morgan finds a watermelon!

Maddy walks to Mommy!

Maddy makes her silly face!

On That Day

2006-09-11T06:33:00.000-07:00

I rarely do anything other than cute pictures and stories of my girls, but today is a different sort of day. Today is the 5th anniversary of the September 11th terroist attacks on America.

Where were you when you heard about it?

I was on my way to work, listening to the radio when the DJ broke in and said the first plane had hit. I remember the weird feeling I had as it took me a few seconds to actually comprehend all that he was saying and then the second plane hit while he was talking. The DJ started yelling on the radio. He wasn't even talking calmly relaying the news anymore. He was relaying it but almost shrieking.

I got to work and everyone was in shock. We had a large conference room t.v. in a closet next to our work room that someone pulled out and plugged in in the middle of two aisles of cubicles. We turned it on and because there wasn't much room left to stand and see. Some of us stood on our desks and looked over the walls to watch the t.v.

We started crying when the first tower fell. We were watching it live. We were in disbelief when the second tower came down. People were walking around with their hands over their mouths. A reporter on t.v. said there were more planes that had yet to comply with the grounding orders and I remember feeling like the world had gone mad. What was happening? Were more planes going to hit buildings and kill more innocent people? And then they did. We were so sad. We were scared. We were in shock.

The day was so somber. I don't think we actually did any work that day. People came and went to impromptu church services all over the city. My boss left and went to her church. Around lunch we went to a huge conference training room and held hands in a big circle and prayed for the families of those lost and hurt. We cried together.

Once home I remember that there was nothing on t.v. for days. For days and days we watched news coverage. We cried watching the families put pictures up looking for their loved ones. We cried listening to the stories of passengers on the planes who called their families to tell them they loved them one last time. One of the first things I remember is that when the regular programming did come back on, we watched David Letterman and he cried on t.v.

Over the next few days we couldn't find yellow ribbons or flags anywhere in the city. The American pride was stronger than ever and we all wanted to show our support. To unite and come together.

It was a sad sad day and I think it will forever affect us in ways we will always feel. I hope we never forget the feelings we had that day. May we always remember those lost and the pain we all felt for those families even though most of us didn't know them. And may we always swell with pride for our country.

Long Weekend

2006-09-05T07:54:00.000-07:00

We spent the weekend house/pet sitting for my mom. Since her house is bigger and she has three animals we decided to pack up the girls and our dog and go stay at her place across town.

We had an okay time. It was a lot more work than I thought it would be. From packing up the girls which took forever because there is so much stuff you need for two babies, to taking care of four animals, two babies, and two people. I had hoped it was going to be a relaxing weekend since it was the first weekend that William and I had more than one whole day together since May.

Saturday we got up and William had to go help Tim and Beth move to their new apartment. From my mom's house that was about a 45minute drive, if not more. He was there for most of the day and came back in the early evening. Melissa came to my moms and helped me with the girls for a little while. We had a nice time together and even did a little shopping.

Sunday we got up and went to church at the church that I grew up in. It was nice to see all the familiar faces of people that used to be such a big part of my life. Maddy did fairly well in the service, even clapping and "singing" along with the songs. Morgan did well until the sermon at which point she decided it was too quiet and wanted to make some noise. I ended up spending almost all of the sermon in the foyer letting her crawl around on the floor. After church, William took us back to my moms and then drove out to Tim and Beths to get them to come over for dinner. While he was gone I put the girls down for a nap and tried to do some cleaning, even vacuuming my moms entire house. We didn't take them home until late that night and William got back to my mom's around midnight. We went straight to bed.

Monday was my favorite day. We slept in and then napped all day until about three. In between we just played with the girls and tried to spend time together as a family. We let the girls play the piano and they were like little Mozarts. Okay, well Morgan was. Maddy cried part of the time. Around three we got dressed and went to the mall. We took the girls on the carosel for the first time. Maddy liked it a lot and looked like it was the most normal thing in the world to be doing. Morgan was okay as long as she was sitting behind Maddy but when we tried to put them on their own horsies she was terrified. She spent the whole ride cluching the pole to the horse. It was kinda sad but cute at the same time. We did some shopping and ate a late lunch. Then we went back home and just layed around some more. Monday was the most relaxing day of the whole weekend. I wish we had made more of a point to spend the first part of it like that.

William's job has said that the next couple of months are going to be mandatory Saturdays, meaning that he will be working six days a week until at least Thanksgiving. While I am extremely bummed out about this, I don't know what I can do about it. I think it is good knowing ahead of time so I can plan things but it is also really depressing. I will be alright in the long run, it is just hard knowing that we will only have one day a week together as a family. His schedule is so full with him working between shifts.

Here are some pictures of the girls playing the piano. So sweet! I will post pictures from the mall later. All of the sudden blogger is giving me fits :(

Looking So Cute!

2006-08-31T13:41:00.000-07:00

This morning Melissa and I decided to take the girls and go to Old Time Pottery. They were having a big sale and we both wanted a few things we had seen in the ad papers. Since it is such a nice cool day here today (in the 80's) we put the girls in their new jeans that Pawpaw bought them this past weekend. They were so cute I couldn't help snapping a bunch of pictures!

Here we are getting ready to go out!

Yay! We're going for a ride. All strapped in :)

Home again and getting ready for a nap!
See my two teeth? One is really showing up now!

Like my lovely updo?

Maddy Grace looking so cute!

If I give a big smile, maybe I can get out of taking my nap?

Keeping My Word

2006-08-30T13:17:00.000-07:00

Where are the cutie pie pictures I promised you, you ask? Well let me tell you about my week so far.

Monday I tried, really I did! I tried to go to blogger to post those promised pics but for some reason the internet wouldn't even take me to the blogger website. I tried again and again to no avail. Finally I gave up for Monday.

Tuesday I was able to get to my blog page and even to the create screen. I uploaded two pictures that I wanted to show you and even managed to get them on there with cute captions for each but .... when I went to post, blogger said that there was a technical error with my HTML code and since I couldn't for the life of me figure out what they were talking about. I hadn't messed with the code at all ... I gave up for Tuesday.

Today is Wednesday and I am here. See I am really here! And when you hear about my night you will be SO PROUD of me. I just know it. You see Maddy and Morgan have come down sick. Remember that nasty cold/flu that I had two weeks ago, well they have it now. Not to be too graphic but we are in full on sucking snot mode here. I called the ped. yesterday because only Morgan was sick. I told the nurse that she had a goopy runny nose and a wet cough. No fever, no other strange symptoms, the nurse told me to give her yellow triaminic. I had already been giving her Benadryl with some relief and tylenol just to prevent fever. But the nurse wanted me to just give her the Triaminic instead.

So last night William and I loaded the girls up and went to Walmart. I bought the Tropical Yellow Triaminic which listed a decongestant and sudafed like ingredient. We came home and gave the girls the Triaminic. It was about 10pm then. At 2am we finally were all asleep in our bed. I was sitting up against the headboard with Morgan asleep on my shoulder. If I relaxed at all and slid down in the bed she would start hacking and choking on the goop. We finally dozed off around 2am. William was holding Maddy because by that point she too was sounding rough and running like a faucet. At 3:33am. I woke up to two very sick babies. No one in the bed was getting any rest and no one could relax. I was drifting in and out of uncomfortable sleep and was seriously annoyed that I couldn't sleep for consecutive amounts of time. So I got up and got out the phone book. I swear it took me six calls to find a stupid 24 hour Walgreens that actually had a 24 hour Pharmacy. Isn't that the point of Walgreens, to be a pharmacy, especially an after hours pharmacy? The only one I reached a live pharmacist at was in the worst area of town but I was so glad to be talking to a human that I could've cared less. I asked the lady if I could give the kids triaminic and benadryl and she said that was fine. So I gave the girls both Benadryl. Needless to say we were ALL awake by this point and the girls were still feeling puny. We ended up staying up till about 6:45 when we all went back to our big bed and tried the sleep thing again. At some point William put Maddy in her crib and we all slept till about 9am. The phone woke us up.
How many hours of scattered sleep did I actually get? Not quite 4!

So aren't you proud that I am even on here? That I am even forming hopefully coherent sentences? I made the girls a bottle earlier and instead of putting the cap on it I kept trying to put the lid to the formula on top of it. Melissa was here and she was like "Um, Mandy, I don't think that is going to fit?"

I am tired to say the least and the girls are not :) They are still sick and Morgan is so pitiful that when I attempt to put her in her crib she just pitches the biggest fit and then that leads to gobs of goop on her face and choking and then in the end I go get her up and hold her.

Some updates I was wanting to tell you about.

Maddy is walking now. I mean not just taking steps but actually walking from one object to another. I was laying on the couch yesterday watching t.v. and she walked right across in front of me. I swear it took me several split seconds to even wrap my mind around what I was seeing. Since then she has been casually walking from object to object in the room as if it were something she'd been doing for months. I noticed that if the objects are too far apart she will start out walking but them stumble a little and crawl the rest of the way. But the big deal is that her confidence is up enough that she starts out walking without any prompting from us.

Morgan's second tooth is breaking through the skin today. So I am counting it as today and am going to fill in her baby book today. She is no longer only a one tooth wonder kid :) Morgan is talking up a storm now. She says "Mama" and "Daddy" and all versions of that. She has started saying "No" and "Yes" and "Hi, pronounced 'I'" and "Hey, prounounced 'A'" and sometimes "Bye" Also Morgan stood up on Monday. During her physical therapy they got her to stand in the middle of the room without propping or supporting on anything. This was the first time she has ever done that. We were so proud.

I am going to attempt to post some pictures now. Hopefully it will work. Here goes:

Morgan stands at couch during therapy - (last week)

(this week)

Maddy and Morgan during PT this past week.
Will perform for bubbles!

Maddy shows off her new fall clothes for the camera.
Doesn't she look all grown up in jeans :)

Long Time No See? Lots to Talk About

2006-08-25T22:23:00.000-07:00

Well it seems like forever since I updated my blog. I know a lot of my readers probably thought I was never going to come back. But alas, I am here.

I had the flu for about a week and a half and it felt like it sucked the life right out of me. I was too tired to even move very much and so I skipped my daily visits to the computer desk. I just mostly layed out on the couch and watched the girls play in the floor. I did only the basics.

The girls amazingly haven't been sick or shown any signs of getting the flu, so that is really good. They have been just growing and playing to their little hearts content.

Maddy is still taking steps toward me and she is spending most of her time standing around the room playing with one toy or another without holding on to anything. I think as her confidence increases we will see her walking more and more.

Morgan has been pulling up on all the furniture and cruising around like a pro. Her PT is so amazed at how fast she seemed to pick up on the cruising. Just two weeks ago we were having to manually move her foot over the other one to show her how to move up and down the sofa and now she is like lightening. She is still doing her head "ticking" but the more I watch her do it the less concerned I am that it is anything more than a comfort mannerism. I seriously doubt it is mild seizures like some have speculated.

I went to the OBGYN today because I have been having "problems" again. If you know me, you are very familiar with my "problems". I have been battling them for eight years now. I saw the doctor who delivered the girls. She isn't my regular doctor and I am not all that fond of her really. She has a tendency to ask you a question and then cut you off three words into it, plus she explains nothing to you. I always leave feeling confused and ignored when I see her. Hence the reason she is not my regular doctor.

I had to be worked in today because my "problems" where leaving me feeling dizzy and weak and I was worried that I was heading in the direction of needing another blood transfusion or sixth D&C. I was half right. My blood count was lower than it should be but not at the critical point that I would need an emergency transfusion or surgery. That was a relief because when I called the nurse she told me not to eat or drink anything till I came in and I was scared they were going to want to do another D&C. She gave me some STRONG medicine that basically stopped the "problems" in a matter of three hours tonight. So I am already starting to feel more like myself again. I am just still fairly fatigued and achy.

Anyway, the doctor said that really I need to decide if I want to go ahead with a hysterectomy. She said that she wanted me to talk to William about it and call back next week to talk with my regular doctor about it. I knew this is what she was going to say, so I am not sure why I am so totally bummed out about it? She did say I could try the Depo Provera shot and that it might, MIGHT give me a three month reprieve to decide what I wanted to do long term. I kept trying to tell her that William and I hadn't really completely decided whether or not we were done having kids.

If it were up to William he would for sure say we were done. But then there is this longing in me to have one more. But I am just not sure where it is coming from? Is it because I feel short changed out of the normal pregnancy/delivery/rooming in process that I experienced with the girls? Is it because I want to have one more to snuggle and cuddle later on and breast feed and really slow down and enjoy? Is it because I don't feel like our family is complete? I don't think it is the last one, because I really do feel a sense of completion with just having the girls. I just don't know. I just don't feel like I am completely ready to have no more chances, no more daydreams about another baby. I don't feel ready to know for sure that there will NEVER be another little one to cherish and snuggle and raise and play with, no younger sibling for the girls to be excited about. I just don't feel ready to make those life long permanent choices. I feel pressured into it.

But really, when I lay it all out on the table, I can't imagine really wanting to take the risk of having another one. I mean I had a transverse C-Section with the girls, so that means I am at increased risk of having my uterus rupture with another pregnancy. I automatically will have to have a scheduled C-Section. I will have to be on bed rest for a longer period because of my water breaking so early with the girls. I am at increased risk of having another premature baby and honestly I can't imagine watching another child struggle through that, what if it didn't turn out as well the next time. I would feel eternally guilty and selfish. If I did have a premature baby that had lifelong problems, that would affect the girls lives in some very negative ways. And God forbid the child not survive, we would be forever changed and heartbroken.

I wonder if all mothers who have extremely premature children worry and wonder about having another after that experience. I think if the girls weren't here, if I had had a miscarriage with them or if they hadn't survived their battles with their prematurity, I don't think it would even be a question as to whether or not to try again. I think I would instinctively try and try again until I had that baby or babies in my arms for keeps. But now that I am blessed with two perfect wonderful little miracle girls, I have to consider them when I consider the risks.

Probably sounds like an easy decision to everyone out there in blogland and to my family for that matter, but to me it is just a pull at your heart, never can go back, lifechanging decision. I have always felt it was unfair to have to be deciding these things so young.

I don't know what I will ultimately decide and really the decision is up to me first and then to William and I as a family. It is my body and my life and I will have to do what I feel is right in my heart for the long term. For right now I think William and I have decided it would be best to try the shot and see if it will give us a few more months to settle all of it in my heart for good.

I can say that I do believe that God is in control of my life and that if I trust in Him all things will work out according to His plan for my life. I do believe that if I am not supposed to have another child, then I won't. Either I won't get pregnant at all or I won't be able to or maybe I will end up having a hysterectomy and then I won't have any more. I just need some time to mull it all over and pray about it, then hopefully I will know the right decision for us and I will be able to feel comfortable with it in my heart.

I am going to do my best to update at least every couple of days now that I am feeling better. So check back throughout the next week and I will post some cute pictures I have taken over the last couple of weeks and haven't been able to post yet :) Thanks for caring about us and for sticking with me :)

Under the Weather

2006-08-17T15:35:00.000-07:00

I am still sick! I am suspecting that I have the flu on top of a head cold or something like that. Could be a sinus infection and ear infection. My ears are popping regularly and I am dizzy when I stand from the fluid in them. I am, to say the least, pretty miserable and today marks a full week that I have been under the weather. I plan on going to the doc tomorrow if I don't feel any better by then.

I haven't felt like blogging. I have barely felt like getting out of the bed and moving to the couch, but since William has been working LOOONNNGGG hours everyday this week I have had to at least make the attempt to get to the couch and let the girls play on the floor in front of me. Maddy isn't really feeling great either. Neither baby came down with the suspected stomach bug that Aubree had but something is definately up with Maddy. She is clingy as ever, I mean to the point of clutching my shirt and crying if I even step over the baby gate to go to the bathroom. She is sleeping a lot and when up she mostly wants me to hold her and she lays her head on my chest or shoulder. She is drooling a lot so I am hoping it is teething but I am worried she is getting this junk that I've got.

A few things that have happened this week. Morgan cut her first tooth yesterday. She is so cute. She keeps sticking her tongue out to feel it and so she looks like a lizard. :) She also is doing really good with our new PT. On Monday the therapist got her to cruise the furniture for the first time and she has been doing it ever since. She also stood up against the couch without holding on for a while while the PT let her pop bubbles.

Maddy is still taking steps to walk. She is more and more confident with her newfound freedom and is regularly standing in the middle of the room without holding on to anything around her. She will pull up on something and then let go and stand there for a really long time. Today Melissa came by and was on the floor feeding the girls some bananas and Maddy just stood in the floor and ate. I am really excited about her starting to walk. I am proud of her and it feels good to know that the gap between her corrected age and her chronological age is beginning to close.

Morgan has an appointment with a neurologist on September 22nd. I hate that the appointment is so far away but that was the first one available. I am ready to get that over with.

Well back to the couch. Just this little bit of typing has my head pounding. When I get to feeling better I will catch up on all my blog reading and commenting and I hopefully will get back in the swing of things here and start posting daily again.

Quick Update and Exciting News!

2006-08-11T18:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. We have had a CRAZY week here. Morgan is still thankfully fine. We are now 100% sure it was the thickener that she choked on and we have at least temporarily quit using it, till we can find a better solution.

Tim and Beth, Adam and Aubree, have been staying at our house all week. They are having some car troubles and Tim started a new job at the same place William works so they have been here so that William can take him to and from work everyday. Aubree came down with a stomach virus (confirmed by the emergency visit to the pediatrician this morning) yesterday and tonight Morgan and Maddy are starting to display the same exact signs of it :) Yeah for us.

On top of all of that. I have a terrible head cold. The left side of my head is full of yucky icky stuff and my nose is running. My head hurts, my eyeballs are pounding and my throat feels like someone took a razor blade to it.

So I guess that is enough excuses as to why I haven't felt up to blogging this week. Hopefully we will all be back to top form next week and I can get back to my normal routine. :) Thanks for all the well wishes regarding Morgan. She is doing great with her eating again.

Oh my gosh. I can't believe I almost forgot to tell you something really big and exciting. Are you ready?

Yesterday ...

Maddy Moo ...

Started Walking!!!!!

She took two steps without holding onto anything. Beth and I screamed so loud and excitedly that she sat down startled. We scared her. But when William got home from work she showed her daddy that she could do it. He was so proud, but he didn't scream like I did :)

A VERY Scary Day

2006-08-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting at the computer chatting with Kathy from All About the Boy, when my phone rang. It was Beth and we got to talking about just everyday normal stuff. I was trying to concentrate on both conversations but was having a hard time because I heard Morgan fussing from her crib. I had put her to bed about thirty minutes prior with a bottle that she had almost finished it.

I heard her fussing and figured she had emptied it as usual and wanted another one. So I asked Kathy to hold on a second while I went to make one for her. I moseyed into the kitchen to make a bottle all the while chatting with Beth on the phone. When I had it in hand and all shook up I headed to the girls room. Morgan was standing up facing out of her crib and was crying or really she was screaming. I layed her down and tried to give her the new bottle but she wouldn't suck on it at all. So I figured she was too upset to eat and I picked her up to comfort her.

When I lifted her up out of the crib I realized she was choking. She was screaming out but then her chest would tighten in my hands and she would look panicky at me like she couldn't breathe. I scanned her crib and the only thing odd in it was a Tigger stuffed animal that had curly cue hair. I immediately assumed she had gotten some of the fuzz down her throat and was struggling to breathe around it. Beth was still on the phone but at this point it was laying on the floor. I turned Morgan over my forearm, head down and started pounding on her back to try and dislodge whatever she was choking on. It didn't work. I turned her back over and swept her throat and nothing came out and she was still choking. I carried her and the cell phone to the living room and tried to pound on her again. Nothing.

I was starting to panic. She stopped screaming but was still grunting in between long pauses of nothing. I hung up on Beth and called 911!

ME: "My baby is choking" I said as fast as I could. "Hurry, please somebody, please hurry"

The lady got my address and directions and then put me through to a dispatcher.

DISPATCHER: "M'ame is your baby concious."
ME: "Yes, but she is struggling to breathe. She isn't getting any deep breaths in and she is going pale"
DISPATCHER: "Okay "M'ame. ... M'ame ... Hello? Are you still there"
ME: "yeeeeesss" I cried between sobs
DISPATCHER: "M'ame, I need you to calm down... Hello? What is your name"
ME: sobbing almost uncontrollably. Still pounding and trying to coax her to breathe. "Mandy" I said. Subconciously I realized she was trying to get me to calm down.
DISPATCHER: "We are going to have to try the hymilech, okay? You ready?"

Click. My cell phone died.

I was online when all of this happened and the reason I called 911 from it was because I couldn't get stupid AOL to disconnect fast enough to get a dial tone to use the home phone. By this point the home phone was back to working so I called back to 911. They put me straight through to the same dispatcher and as she said "Mandy?" The police showed up at the door. I threw the phone still online with 911 on top of the t.v. and never went back to hang it up.

I somehow managed to put Jenny behind a pet gate and let the guy in. Though by this point I was shaking so bad I thought I was going to throw up. Morgan was looking bad and fast. Right behind him were the firemen and the ambulance. About ten people in all piled into my living room. A lady took Morgan from me and said "We are taking her right now to LeBonheur. She isn't breathing well, she has to get to the hospital" I had to use the bathroom immediately so I ran in there, greatful that someone else more qualified was there to save my child should she pass out. The paramedics hollered from the living room "Do you have a carseat?" "Are you hear alone" "No" I called out, "her twin is in the baby bed sleeping in their room" "Can you drive?" "Is your car unlocked?" I got out of the bathroom and they had already taken Morgan to the ambulance and a fireman was at my car yanking the carseats and bases to the carseats out of my car. Both of them.

I grabbed Maddy, the cell, my purse and keys, amazingly, the cell phone charger, and a diaper bag that was thankfully already packed. I had that bottle I had made for Morgan in my hand so I chunked that in the car seat with Maddy. The fireman had to put the carseat base back in my car. He had no idea what he was doing. But we got her in and me in the car. The paramedics did not want me to try and follow them to the hospital because they were going to go fast and were afraid I would wreck if I went through a red light with them.

They told me to head on up there they were going to be several minutes getting her situated and secure in the ambulance. I asked how long and they said there was time enough to run two miles up the road and pick up William. I called on the way. He was waiting on me in the parking lot. I burst out in tears when I saw him and so he got behind the wheel and I moved to the passenger seat. He went crazy! He peeled out of his work parking lot and then out onto the road like a physcho teenage driver. I started screaming at him, while crying, and I think I slapped his arm very hard. "Maddy is in the car. You are going to kill us or someone else. Pleease slow down, pleeasse" He didn't realize Maddy was in the car and had been so worried about Morgan he was practically running off the road. He immediately slowed down and started driving like my grandfather on Sunday.

When we got to the hospital he dropped me off and went to park. I came in to see my child slumped over in her car seat. Nurses all around and an oxygen mask on her face, IV in her arm. I panicked again. The EMT reassured me that once they got some 100% oxygen on her she calmed down and fell asleep. They said her lungs sounded very crackily and bad. They took us to a room with a curtain. The nurse listened to her and said she was improving. Within a few minutes her lungs sounded clear. They were all shocked.

The doctors came and went, asked questions, and eventually sent us for a chest xray. The xray came back fine. They said her lungs still look bad from the Chronic Lung Disease she had from NICU but there was no difference today than before. They saw nothing foreign anywhere in her airway or lungs. The suspicion quickly became that either A) She refluxed some on that little left in her bottle and choked on it or B) She swallowed a small lump of unmixed thickener and it got stuck in her throat and choked her but eventually dissolved. Eventually B) was the reason they settled on because there was nothing on the xray so whatever choked her must have dissolved and even if she had refluxed they would see trace amounts in her lungs.

The doctor wanted her to eat some and if she didn't choke they would release us to go home. But ... Morgan refused to eat. She wouldn't take her bottle of milk, or pedialyte with popcicle mixed in. She fussed and clamped her mouth shut and wouldn't eat. We speculated that it was too loud and distracting in the ER for her to settle down to eat. So they sent us to a room that was quiet and dark ... still nothing. This went on for hours. Eventually the doctor called our peditrician and they agreed that the best course of action was to admit her for observation for 23 hours. Let her get to a quiet room, away from people and see if she would eat. They were concerned that since she hadn't eaten since the bottle around 2:30 at home she might dehydrate and we would end up right back where we started, new IV and all.

So about midnight we went to a room on the fifth floor. We got settled and they brought out the artillary to try to get her to eat. NOTHING. She wanted nothing to do with it. We figured she was exhausted so we went to bed to let her sleep and maybe eat when she woke up. This morning she still wanted nothing to do with the bottle. We started guessing that she didn't like the taste of the premade formula or the feel of the bottle. We cut her nipple to allow for easier flow. We stopped putting thickener in her milk and juice. William went home and got her powder formula and we made it just like home. We tried apple juice. We tried the bottle with her nipple. We tried their bottle and latex nipple. We tried a sippy cup. Nothing. She was not going to eat. Finally someone thought to bring in some pudding. We broke open the pudding and she started eating from the spoon. She finished off the entire cup of pudding. Then I tried feeding her her formula from a spoon and wahhlaahhh, she was eating her milk from a spoon.

We guessed that it must be an aversion to the bottle. To the idea of sucking. Poor baby was traumatized from choking. The attending doctor finally came around and was satisfied that she would at least take something. Something that would be liquidy and hydrating to her. So we were discharged with the intent to feed her anything and everything she would eat and just let her take her time coming back around to her bottle. He said the worry long term is about calories, but short term, as in the next few days it is just to keep her from being dehydrated and having to come back to the ER.

So we are home. Yay! Safe and sound. She has eaten some baby food tonight and William said she finally drank a little milk when left alone in her bed to play with it. Of course now, everytime we hear any noise from her room we run. I am super paranoid now about her eating and the stupid thickener. William has been straining her formula to make sure there are no lumps at all. I am sad for her that she had to endure such a trauma. And I feel terribly guilty that I didn't rush right to her crib the first time I heard her fussing.

I seriously just thought that she wanted a second bottle. That is kind of a usual request for nap time, so I just assumed that was the case this time. How lucky I am that I went to make the bottle. There have been times when the girls have been put down for a nap and have not been 100% ready to sleep. Sometimes they will stand in their crib and fuss for me to come back and get them. I oftentimes let them fuss a few minutes because they usually calm down and go to sleep without intervention from me. I've found that if fighting sleep, I come in the room, the screaming and whining just escalates. So I feel so lucky that I went in there at all because what if she had stood there choking and then passed out in her crib. I could have sat here in the living room feeling completely victorious that she had fallen asleep and instead my sweet baby could have been fighting for her very life.

I am just so greatful and thankful that everything turned out fine and we are all better now, if not just a lot shaken up. It will probably take a while before I feel confident again as a mommy, but that is to be expected. I love my girls so much and honestly I don't think I could go on living even one day if they were not here with me. They are truly the best thing that has ever happened in my life.

Big Gulp!

2006-08-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

So the other night, William and I decided to put the girls in the big tub to bathe together. Since Morgan is doing so fabulous with her sitting, we thought they would be ready for it. We filled the tub with about an inch of water and threw in a slew of toys and two little girls. They weren't scared at all. They were having a blast. William turned the faucet on to see how they would react to the falling water. Morgan wasn't so sure about it so she moved to the other end of the tub, but I wouldn't say she was scared or bothered by it. Maddy was having so much fun putting this and that toy in her mouth. I was trying to wash their hair as they crawled around in the tub. As one would pass by I would scrub a little and then they would move away. It was so much fun and felt a lot more like playtime than the chore that bathtime can sometimes be.

Here's the funny part. We have this cup in our tub that we use for pouring. We were using it to pour water over their backs when they passed by but somehow Maddy got ahold of it. It had some water in it and she proceeded to pick it up and drink from it, like a big girl. She of course choked on the water because it was too much for her and she is used to us controlling the amount of water we give her from our glasses, so she wasn't expecting that much to come out. William had to get her out of the tub to help her and she turned all red. But she made the funniest face after that drink. It was like it was so satisfying in some ways and it was so shocking to her in others. It was just so cute. We managed to snap the following picture and don't they always say, "A picture is worth a thousand words" :)

So Proud

2006-08-02T20:58:00.000-07:00

Look at Morgan! Isn't she doing so great with her sitting? I am just so proud of her.

This is her in her first pair of blue jeans, ever. They got these for their birthday and they are still WAY to big, but I think they will grow into them by fall. These are a 6-9 month size.

So sweet! She's doing so good that she's even able to sit up in the bathtub!
Just thought you all might like to celebrate her amazing accomplishments with us!
Tomorrow I have something really cute to post about Maddy Moo.

Maddy and Morgan's First Meme Quiz

2006-07-31T13:10:00.000-07:00

Maddy and Morgan were tagged by Tonya's darling girl, Randie. So I will try best to get them to answer but I can't guarantee that every one of their answers isn't dadada or hiiiiiii (the "h" is silent) :)

3 Nicknames:
Maddy Moo or Moo Moo - Maddy
Morgan Bear
Honeybunny - Both and William too :)

3 People That Make Us Laugh:
Daaaddaaada
Mama
My Hippo Stuffed Animal - Morgan

3 Things We Love:
Bathtime
Our new Leap Frog Learning Table
Anything we shouldn't have, i.e. waterbottles, cell phone, cords, remote control

3 Things We Hate:
Getting dressed - Maddy
Getting my face cleaned after eating - Maddy
the new vacuum cleaner

3 Things We Don't Understand:
Why we can't eat the same food as Mommy and Daddy
Why we're not allowed to play with cords
Why we can't share a bottle anymore :(

3 Things On Our Floor:
Winne the Pooh Rug
Stuffed Animals
Books we pulled off the shelf this morning

3 Things We're Doing Right Now:
Fighting over a toy
Talking to each other in baby talk
Crawling around each other

3 Things We Can Do:
Pull up on anything and everything
Cruise the furniture - Maddy can stand up in the middle of the floor too
Share with one another (only when we want too though)

3 Things We Cannot Do (yet):
Walk
Dress myself
Use a potty

3 Ways to Describe Our Personality:
Happy and Loving
Determined - Maddy
Usually Easy Going - Morgan

3 Absolute Favorite Foods:
Tomato Beef Dinner
Banana Yogurt
Graham Crackers

3 Foods We do NOT like:
Stage 3 Baby Food
Not a huge fan of peaches - Maddy
Papaya - we like it just fine but mommy can't stand the smell of it

3 Beverages We Drink Regularly:
Formula
Juice
Sometimes water - rarely though

3 Shows We Watch:
The BackYardigans
Blue Clues or Sesame Street
Praise Baby videos

Birthday Pictures

2006-07-28T15:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay. Almost a week later and I am just getting the pictures up from the party. Bad mommy! I really did try several times and blogger wouldn't let me. But I also was semi-lazy about it and just kept putting it off. Well with no further a'diou, here they are!

Lots of great people came to celebrate the girls first birthday.
On the Left: Aunt Ali
On the Right: The Hurt Triplets. Our pals from the NICU. Marty and Christy, Hayden, Hana Beth, and Hadley pose with me and William and the girls.

Left: Morgan and Maddy open up presents. Yay! The Leap Start Learning Table from Charla. They just love it. I would highly recommend this toy!
Right: Mommy and Daddy help open more exciting presents :)

Our Happy Birthday Cake!
It was strawberry filling on the inside, yummy!

Maddy digging in to her very own miniture cake.
She took the subtle approach!

But still ended up covered in icing! Priceless

Morgan went in for the good stuff. She just put her whole face in the cake.
Why waste icing on your fingers :)

This is super yummy mom!

Look at all their loot. I couldn't fit the clothes and all of this in the same picture. But they got a ton of cute fall clothes too. They got their first ever pair of blue jeans. Makes me wish fall would hury up and get here.

Not My Best Day

2006-07-27T14:10:00.000-07:00

I am stressed out! I am tired! I feel beaten down, although there is nothing really to explain why I still feel this way. I am frustrated. I'm not in a bad mood. I'm just mostly worn out and a touch of sad.

This morning I took Morgan to LeBonheur for her second swallow study. After the last study at Baptist, I'd sworn to myself and everyone else in blogland that there was no way I would repeat a swallow study because of how traumatic and exhausting it had been on us. They had strapped Morgan from forehead to toes to a wooden board, layed her flat on her back on a table and proceeded to feed her chalky barium in water while laying down. She was hysterical, I was on the verge myself. While I felt that the actual procedure was done poorly, I was relieved to find that there was really nothing wrong with Morgan's swallowing and I could continue on with what we had been doing.

Today was much different. Today we went to LeBonheur and it was not at all an unpleasant experience. A Speech Pathologist student came out to the waiting room and we talked for a while about Morgan's first test and how I felt about it all. I explained what had happened and how I had felt then. She assured me that the way this hospital conducted these studies was nothing like the Baptist experience. We were taken into a x-ray room where they put Morgan in a foam chair much like a high chair and she had one strap across her lap. She was more facinated with the belt then bothered by it. Much to my chagrin she kept trying to stick the end of it in her mouth to taste the velcro (ewww-germs). We didn't have to wait long on the doctor to come in, he was pleasant. The barium was flavored, apple I think, and Morgan enjoyed the taste of it. We had to pry the bottle from her hands because she liked it so much. The unpleasant part came at the end, when the speech pathologists came out to give us the results. Turns out, Morgan is actually aspirating some of the fluids in trace amounts down her windpipe. She cleared them out on her own and that was a very good thing. Long story short, because I have already answered several calls today and repeated this story over and over, she is now diagnosed with dysphagia and they want us to use a thickener in all her liquids and to thicken her pureed baby foods to a honey consistency.

Why does this bother me? Before I went I had suspected that this is what they would tell me she needed. Am I just tired from the anxiety of going? Am I just exhausted with the idea of adding one more process to a laundry list of parental duties for my two preemies? Am I concerned and depressed because of the long talking to I had with the pathologist about the seriousness and cause of this problem? In short, yes, yes, yes, and yes. The pathologist said that her problems could be caused by the low trunk muscle tone. It could be that her nerves in her throat aren't sensitive enough to trigger the correct swallowing response. It could be that she has CP and this is stemming from that. It could just be that she was so premature and lots of premature babies have this problem. Though the pathologist did say she doesn't see a lot of kids with what Morgan was doing. I honestly think it was the mention of CP that just set me into a tailspin today.

Here is what I am feeling. In the end, whatever is wrong with Morgan (hopefully, prayerfully nothing at all) William and I are so blessed she is here. We love her. We will raise her to be a strong little girl, then a woman, no matter what. We will teach her she is perfect and beautiful and God made her the way she is for a very important reason. Nothing can change my opinion on these things.

However, I still feel complete sadness at the thought that my sweet baby could have any major challenges in life. I know, I know, all kids have their own sets of challenges, and I know things could always be different or worse in many ways. But that doesn't stop me from worrying or feeling sad. I tear up thinking about the possibility of her having any kind of life long problems. If it is CP, will she walk funny? Will she be made fun of by the other kids? Will she feel like she got the short end of the stick because she is different from everyone else? Who knows. I know lots of kids have disabilities. I know that they are miracles and special and there is nothing less about them then the other children, if anything they are more special and beautiful. But I can't imagine any parent, any mother, not feeling deep sadness and that sick in the pit of your stomach feeling at the idea that your baby will have more struggles than the kid down the road.

I just wanted to be closer to the end of these problems stemming from the prematurity. They just turned one and I thought we were catching up, and we are. I know, I know. I just feel like we are on the cusp of dealing with new problems instead of finishing up our worrying over the same old problems. Does that make sense?

I am sick of talking about it. So I guess I will quit. Maybe a good night sleep will help me feel better. Less gray and dreary. I will try to get those dern pictures of the party up tomorrow. I didn't even try today. Didn't really have time. So I will try tomorrow.

Just a Few Thoughts for Tuesday

2006-07-25T14:27:00.000-07:00

1. I can't get blogger to upload any photos. What a bummer! I was all excited about posting the birthday pictures and a few more of the girls playing with all their new toys but I can't get it to work. It says "Server Not Found" every time I try to upload a photo. Any one else having problems like this?

2. I have to take Morgan for a second swallow study tomorrow morning. I swore that there was nothing on earth that could make me take her again, but here I am doing it. The OT convinced me and our pediatrician that it was really necessary for her to have a second one done. Since the first one was done so poorly, she felt we should go to a different hospital and have this one done. They have assured me that this time Morgan will not be strapped down to a board and it will hopefully not be as traumatic as the last time.

3. Maddy has a second tooth. It broke through her gums on Friday. They turn one and all the sudden their all grown up.

4. BIG HUGE EXCITING NEWS!!!!! Morgan finally sat up yesterday. I mean, she has been sitting propped for a while. She just has such low muscle tone in her back that she wasn't able to sit up without leaning forward on her arms. This was one of the main concerns of our PT and one of the main reasons they were suspecting cerebral palsy. But yesterday she started sitting straight up and playing with toys with both hands. Today she has been sitting all day. I took some pictures and will try to upload them as soon as blogger will let me!

5. The girls have been fussy all day today. I think they are still trying to catch their breath from this weekend. It was so full and busy and they didn't have a nap at all on Saturday (not that I didn't try to get them one in) and then Sunday we played hard all day with toys and yesterday William stayed home because I was so exhuasted and I hurt my back lifting stuff Saturday. So today is the first day back in our normal routine and they are just so fussy. They took a two hour nap earlier this morning and I just layed them down to see if they will rest a little more.

A Great First Birthday Celebration

2006-07-23T12:03:00.000-07:00

Happy Happy Happy! Well the girls had a great birthday. It was such a fun day and we were just overwhelmed with how much love and support we were all flooded with yesterday. The girls woke up bright eyed around 6:30am and we sang Happy Birthday to them as we went in to get them out of their cribs. They were in a great mood. William fed them breakfast and then I took a bath with them so we could get them dressed for their special day! I couldn't help but remember how different our lives were one year ago. After we all got ready and dressed, I had to run a few last minute errands and then we headed over to the party room. While Melissa and I got everything decorated and set up, William took the girls swimming and Tim and Beth swam with Adam (Aubree napped in the Pack N Play). Everyone started to show up right on time at 3pm. It was so much fun. There were a ton of people there and Maddy and Morgan loved being the center of attention. Our NICU friends Marty and Christy drove two hours with their triplets to come to the party. It was so great to finally see them and get together again. All five babies had a blast crawling around after each other and then after we opened the girls gifts and they "ate" cake we took them all for a dunk in the pool. We didn't get home until after 10pm last night and it took three cars to bring all their "loot" back to the house. My mom teased me that we didn't have enough house for all the toys and gifts they got. It is true. I opened all their presents this morning and layed them out in the living room for the girls to explore. It took up almost all of the floor space. They played and played with each toy and now they are passed out in their beds exhausted from all that fun :)

Thanks for all the thoughts and well wishes toward our miracle babies! We love and appreciate you all :)

Tomorrow's the Day!

2006-07-21T16:50:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the BIG day!
Thanks Tonya for making us this wonderful Birthday Signature!
We really LOVE it!!

Sneaky Sneaky

2006-07-19T16:10:00.000-07:00

We are in full on count down to party mode here in our household. There are little packages of bubbles wrapped in hot pink tulle and there are purple spools of ribbon lying on the table. Their are wrapping paper rolls hiked up in the corners and cups and plates packed in a box to take with us on Saturday.

I finally managed to get all the girls presents wrapped for Saturday. I wrapped them and put them in places that I thought the girls could not really get into, that or wouldn't really notice. Last night I came around the corner to find this:
and this:
You can tell they knew they weren't supposed to be doing it. Morgan was the lookout, while Maddy tried to get the paper off. Sneaky sneaky birthday girls are already trying to peek into their birthday gifts. I hope they show this much enthusiasm at the party.

Here Ye, Here Ye ...

2006-07-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

Breaking News Everybody!

Maddy has a tooth :) Maddy's first tooth finally arrived today!

Her baby book has a page for teeth and I promptly got it out to fill in that she does in fact have one tooth. It also has a spot that says "I had (blank) teeth on my first birthday" I thought I was going to have to put in a "0" but now I know I at least get to fill in a "1". We are SO excited here and she keeps giving us dirty looks for sticking our fingers in her mouth to feel it one more time.

Oh the joys of parenthood.

Reminiscing

2006-07-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

My sweet birthday bunnies will be one this week. I am so excited that it is finally here, even though I am a bit sad and nostalgic about all that has transpired over this last year.

William made a joke this weekend. I said "I can't believe the girls are going to be one in a week" and he said "I know! It seems like just nine months ago we were bringing them home from the hospital", Haha. "It was, just nine months ago!" I said laughing at him. But all joking aside, it has been the best twelve months of my life. I have loved them from the very second I knew they existed, deep deep wells of love.

I think I am going to be bold and share a few entries in my NICU journal.

The first one is dated August 2nd. It is the first time I recorded anything on paper about how I was feeling regarding the girls birth. So here goes:

"It's 3:15am and I am laying in a foldout chair behind Maddy's crib at LeBonheur NICU. My babies are eleven days old today and we have been up up up on a roller coaster and way back down again. Friday, Morgan's x-ray showed air in her belly, which indicated a perforation in her intestines. She was flown by helicopter to LeBonheur from Baptist. Her surgery was nerve wracking for me, but everything went very well.

Saturday was a pretty good day as Morgan began to wake up from anesthesia a little. Then Sunday when we got to Baptist to see Maddy, she was showing signs of a perforation too. We ended up repeating Friday- this time with Maddy. Now both girls are in the NICU at LeBonheur in side-by-side rooms.

William is asleep behind Morgan's bed and I am staying behind Maddy. Tonight our nurse is Linda and she is wonderful. She let me kiss Morgan on the forehead and that is her very first kiss! Linda has been running back and forth between babies all night which is probably a foreshadowing of my future.

I love them so so much. Who knew that love could feel this way? So full and almost overwhelming. I know my girls are a miracle from God and the He has amazing plans for them both."

August 4th, 2005
"William dropped me off this morning at the hospital. He has to work so much and it is so hard right now because we really need each other!"

August 7th, 2005 10:50am
"Today is Sunday. William and I are at the hospital with the girls. When the nurses told us that the NICU would be a roller coaster ride they were very right. Both girls are doing fairly well today and I hold my breath out of fear that acknowledging that everything is okay might jinx us and something might go wrong.

Morgan and Maddy had a "fussy pants" day yesterday, but overall the day went well. Daddy gave Maddy a bath and changed her diaper for the first time. I took pictures. I got to hold Morgan in my hands again and I took the opportunity to kiss her knee. I still have yet to kiss Maddy. I think it is safe to say that Miss Morgan does not care for baths. My dad came to visit them yesterday and got to see them for th first time. I think he was shocked at how tiny they are. He took pictures and some video of me comforting Madelynn.

I am starting to feel more like a mommy everyday. I definitely feel more protective of them now and I am more and more comfortable touching and soothing them."

Reading this makes me sad and happy at the same time. I am sad that as a mother, knowing what I do now, feeling what I feel now, that I recorded that it was 11 days and more than 11 days before my sweet girls were ever even kissed.

I am going to skip an entry or few and put one from August 24th 12:35. It still makes me mad to read it:

"I am visiting with he girls again. It has been a pretty good two days for the girls but I am slightly frustrated. Everyday I rush William off to work and drive thirty minutes to get to the hospital by 11:45 - 11:50 and when I get in here the nurses have already diapered and put back to bed my girls. Today it just got to me. I got so mad, especially since I called around 10am to let them know I was coming. Anyway, I got so mad, I cried!

I mean my babies are 1 month old this week and I have only held Maddy a couple of times and Morgan so far never! The only things I am "allowed" to do for MY children is diaper and take their temperature. If you take that away from me then you are taking the only hands on interaction away from me that I have and that to me is rude. It would be different in no one knew I was coming - but they knew exactly what time I would be here because I called and specifically talked to Maddy's nurse Virginia. When I lost it and broke down in tears her nurse made a comment that they were "trying to work with me". On top of all that, all the breast milk I have and brought had xanax in it so now there is very little milk left and I am not producing a lot so I may not be able to even pump and give them milk much longer.

Morgan has had four or 5 apnea/brady spells today and its possible she could be getting another infection, we'll just have to wait and see. Whatever it is I just pray we don't have to go back on that vent. It takes forever to ween her back off of it.

Sometimes it just seems so unfair that we are here having to wade through all of this I literally ache inside to just take them home like a normal mom and just be a normal family.

I know some of these entries seem down, and yes, that is exactly how I felt most of the time we were in the NICU but wow, to look back and see how dramatically our life has changed over the past year. To see that me muddled through and now we are such a happy close family. The girls are such a huge blessing in our life; and to never forget how lucky we are that they did in fact come home. Not only did they survive but they are really thriving and getting along fantastically. I am such a lucky mommy and though reminiscing is painful regarding this subject, it is also very rewarding because in the end (the end of the first year) we are so much better off than where we started out. It was so worth it!

I might post some more entries tomorrow or later this week.

Friday = Fun Filled Day!

2006-07-15T06:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was so busy, but so much fun at the same time. In the morning Melissa came over to play with the girls and watch the Big Brother episode from the night before. We had lunch and had a nice time.

Then at two I packed the girls up and we drove to my cousin Carrie's mom's house to swim. It was a blast. The girls really do seem to love the water. They splashed and played to their hearts content and poor little Morgan wore herself out and fell asleep in her floaty. I had to finally dry her off and take her in for a nap. Maddy wanted nothing of a nap, she wanted to splash! The water was so refreshing on such a hot hot day and it was so nice to be with my cousin again. We have been trying to get together to do something since we had lunch several weeks ago, but things have just kept popping up, keeping us apart. I took a few pictures at the pool of the girls and her girls Alexis and Tori. They are so cute!

Maddy, just hangin' out in the pool!

About six we headed toward my mom's house. Since William worked perfect hours yesterday and actually got off at 6pm instead of 8pm, I asked mom if she would watch the girls overnight so we could go on a date night. I dropped them off at their Mimi's (where they are still at right now) and then headed home to meet William. We ended up going to Shogun which here is a hibatchi style Japanese restaurant. The food was delicious.

Then we went to see the 9:45 showing of "You, Me, and Dupree". It was okay. I mean it was pretty good, but not quite what I was expecting. I was thinking that I was going to laugh my head off but it wasn't as funny as I thought it would be. I think I would have rather seen "Pirates of the Carribean 2" and watched "Dupree" on DVD. But nevertheless, we had a nice time, even holding hands and being all snuggly toward each other throughout the night. It was so nice to finally have some couple time, although William and I desperately missed the girls.

We got home from the movies after midnight which is probably the first time we've been out that late since before we were married (minus the late night trips to the NICU last year) By the time we made it home we were both racing to the bed - to sleep. I think I was asleep before my head even touched the pillow. I was so tired. So much for romance :)

Today we are planning on chilling out. We are going to go get the girls from my mom's and then maybe run by the toy store and pick them up some stuff for their birthday which is only 1 week away! I can't believe that my sweet babies will be one year olds next weekend! Wow, time just flys by when your not looking :) Hope everyone else out there in blogland is having a wonderful weekend.

NICU: Just a Visit

2006-07-12T13:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't been online much the last week or so. I haven't felt like updating this blog when I was on. I had a really busy weekend and Monday with family and then yesterday I had a doctor's appointment at 11. It was the first time I have taken the girls to the OBGYN's office since they were born. Everyone just ooohed and awwwed over them too. The receptionist, the nurses, and especially my doctor. She said she was really excited to finally get to see them. They kept calling them their miracle babies. While there, the nurse who was getting my information for the visit, reminded me that she was the nurse who had taken care of me the day my water broke. I remembered but hadn't said anything about it to her yet. She said "I will never forget the day you came in here with your water broken. I will never forget your face" I said, "Really?" and then she pointed down the hall at a room and said "That was the room you were in that day" I asked her if they had many women have the same thing happen to them and she said "Not really" All of this amazed and perplexed me a great deal. While I remembered too the day, the room, and the nurse, I didn't remember any of the details of what was said or how I acted. It is all a blur to me. I guess I was in shock that day.

After I left the doctor's office I went up to the third floor of the hospital where I delivered to see a nurse that took care of me and has known me for years. She used to work in the doctor's office I had just left and everytime I needed anything she was the one I would talk to. While I was up seeing her, I ran into the physical therapist from the NICU and she talked me into going to see the NICU nurses and doctors. I was afraid to do so before her suggestion, for fear that when I called into the NICU and asked for a familiar nurse that they would have no idea who I was. But I was wrong. I called in and asked for Carol. They put her on. I said who I was, and that I had come by to visit. Within a minute or two the waiting room was flooded with nurses (some I didn't even remember until I saw them) and the neonatologist came out. I hugged Dr. Sander and told him that "I couldn't be more greatful!" I thanked them all. They remembered the girls, like they were family. They passed them around and talked to them. They were so amazed at how well everything turned out. They were more amazed that we hadn't been sick with RSV during the winter. They remembered William and where he worked and where we lived. They asked about our garden and my mother.

When we started to pack up to go, I bent over to put Maddy in the stroller. Teresa, the head nurse, said "Oh I wish the girls could stay a little longer" and I said "Nope, I'm taking them with me today" and I smiled. She laughed at the irony of her comment. I said "We stayed here long enough and I am so glad that we are finally all together"

Overall, I would say it was a healing experience to go back. But it also brought back lots of memories and thoughts I thought were buried up to this point. The closer we get to the girls birthday, the closer I feel to emotional meltdown. Instead of dealing with the emotions as they come though I just give up and try to ignore them. I feel the tension mounting and I feel very helpless at dealing with it. I am mostly a very open person. An open book of sorts. It is easy for me to express my feelings and share my thoughts, but for some reason when it comes to my NICU feelings I feel like if I open the gates, I will get knocked over and won't be able to explain anything or understand anything I am feeling. I don't want to forget but I do want to forget at the same time. I keep thinking that the girls' birthday is going to be the big finale to all of the questions swarming around in my head, to all the pain and fears and worries I have. That on that day I will deal with it all and move on, put it behind me. But when I think about it all more realistically I know that this won't be the case and instead, probably I will deal with these feelings for a while to come, like air leaking slowly out of a balloon.

Two finale thoughts:
I will try to update with some pictures tomorrow of the girls.

Like Kathy, I too, got the book "The Early Birds" by Jenny Minton and was asked by her publicist to read and review it on my blog. I am in the process of finishing it. I will tell you more about it and what I think when I am done. Check out her blog if you want more details about it.

Random Thoughts on Sunday

2006-07-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

1. Sorry I haven't posted this week. I actually typed up this long fabulous post on Friday about the reasons why I blog and the importance it holds to me for Maddy and Morgan. I was about 7 paragraphs in to it and really going and AOL crashed and it was gone forever. I tried to get blogger to recover it but the only thing that I got back was like the first two paragraphs. I was exhausted with all that typing and just gave up. I guess I will try to retype it sometime this next week if I get in the mood.

2. Thursday was the one year anniversary from when my water broke last year. I typed up a long post about the birth story, this one I saved. But after I wrote it all out, I wasn't sure that wanted to post it afterall. It was really detailed and it brought up a lot of deep feelings and I just didn't think the timing was right for me to put it out there. I did save it, so maybe if I get up the nerve, I will hit publish and poof there it will be.

3. Today is my dad's 50th bithday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! Thanks for being so involved with the girls. This past year has been so amazing and it is so nice to be able to spend this much time with you. You have been so good to us! We all love you!
4. I am going on a diet this week. I am not looking forward to it. I will let you know how it goes.

5. Maddy and Morgan seem to be feeling a lot better. Morgan is still having some struggles with the drainage at night, but really mostly they are doing much better. Thanks for all the well wishes about that.

6. Can you tell I have nothing to talk about? Isn't that weird? I usually have so much to say but the last couple of weeks have just been so exhausting and there isn't really anything interesting going on, to put in here. I am still trying to make the effort, but my life is fairly boring right now.

7. Countdown to Maddy and Morgan's FIRST Birthday: 13 DAYS!

8. I am SO excited about the girl's birthday party. I am looking forward to it. Friday I bought the girls a present for their birthday. It is this little monkey thing that rolls across the floor and waves its arms to get the kids to crawl after it. It sings and makes monkey noises. Well I showed it to Morgan and she went nuts over it. She was so excited that if William hadn't stopped me, I would have opened it right there for her to play with. But he made me put it up for their birthday. He knows me, if I open that now, I will feel obligated to go out and buy something else to open at their party. I can't wait to see them eat cake and ice cream and to take a ton of pictures. I think I am going to make them little scrap books with all the pictures from their party so they can always remember their first birthday.

9. I really want to go to the movies. There are like five movies out that I would love to see. I really want to see "The Lake House" with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. And I would love to see "The Devil Wears Prada" with Meryl Streep. Those look good. William wants to see "Click" with Adam Sandler or "Pirates of the Carribean 2". I tried to get William to go to the drive-in last night but he said that it would be too hot and he would be too stressed with the girls. I think I am going to try again tonight. I just really want to go and we have no babysitter available right now, so the drive in would be perfect. Brigitta was out of town all week and weekend and eveyone else is busy.

10. Maddy is standing up with out support. She still won't do it all the time, but when the moment hits her right, she will stand up in the middle of the floor without holding on to anything and just stand there for a few seconds before sitting back down. Morgan is pulling up in her crib and on the side of the couch. Morgan is still not sitting much better, but hopefully soon! They are growing up so fast. I wonder if Maddy will be walking at her party?

Fourth of July Celebration

2006-07-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

Well, lets just say that yesterday was a very interesting day! It was full of a lot of firsts for my kids, Maddy's first bubble bath, the girl's first Independence Day, first fireworks. I thought I would share some pictures from yesterday!

I started the day by giving Maddy a bubble bath with the Johnson and Johnson Vapor Bath. She has a runny nose and it is making her choke a lot. I thought the vapor bath might help open her up some and help clear out her head. She really had a good time in the water. She kept trying to eat the bubbles though!

About 5pm, we headed to the park to see the Fourth of July Fireworks Extravaganza. It was pretty hot outside but we were in a shady place that got a breeze here and there. We moved once, to get a better spot to see the fireworks, and we ended up in the perfect place to see them, they were right in front of us.

Aubree was SO excited about the fireworks show. It was hard to keep her still, she was just SO EXCITED! Can't you tell? :) "Woo hoo, fireworks!" that's what she kept hollering at the crowd!

Morgan was taking a more laid back approach. Here she is just chillin'; waitin' to see what all the fuss is about!

Once they started, all of us were so excited. I was stressing out before they started about how loud it was going to be, but really it turned out to be pretty mild. I held Morgan in my lap and covered her ears with my hands and she was just mesmerized by the colors in the sky. William did the same with Maddy; and Tim and Beth took care of their kids. It was a really cool display and they played music along with it that seemed to go along with the light show.

In the end, I would say we had a really nice time. We got home about 10pm and I gave the girls a second bath for the day to get the Bug Repellant off of them. They were worn out so they weren't too happy about the late night bath. Morgan slept in her crib and Maddy slept between me and William because she is so congested still. I wanted to keep her close in case I had to suction her nose in the middle of the night to help her breathe.

As for today, I am back to being all domestic. This morning I made pickles with some of the cucumbers William grew outside. I am now waiting on the Occupational Therapist to come out for the first time and I am worried about my house smelling like pickle juice. They look really good though and I can't wait to eat them. I will let you know how they taste.
I would say that overall this holiday weekend turned out to be a very American celebration! Time spent with family and friends. Fireworks and food and a little country canning thrown in for good measure! Hope eveyone else out there had a nice holiday.

Heat Wave ... Too HOT to think!

2006-07-03T15:06:00.000-07:00

Too tired and TOO HOT! to really form sentences much less think up something to talk about so just going to put out some random thoughts for you to ponder over!

1. I finished the invitations for the girl's birthday party. It is going to be a pool party at Melissa's clubhouse on July 22nd, their actual birthday. I am so excited. I will be sending out invitations on Wednesday so be looking for them in the mail. If you want to come, you are more than invited, so shoot me an email and I will make sure you get one and or the directions to the place. Kathy, you and Patrick are flying in for this right? Just kidding, I wish you could come though :) You too Tonya - bring Randie for a swim?

2. Madelynn is still sick. She has a rash and a runny nose and is very cranky and clingy - still. She is playing, but she wants to be right up under me. Today her nose bled for the first time ever :( My poor girl. One interesting thing is that she keeps poking her finger up her nose and it is hilarious and gross at the same time. How do they know to do that?

3. I got some possible bad news on Friday. Vickie the girls PT came out and was talking to me about Morgan. She is starting to suspect that Morgan may have mild cebral palsy. It is too soon to tell really if her low and high muscle tone issues are related only to prematurity or if it could be some CP too. Her worry rating on a scale of 1 to 10 was a "4 or 5". I think if her rating was a 1 or even a 10, I would be just as ill over it as I am today. It is just not something that I want to consider. It is scary and sad and makes me feel sick to my stomach with worry. I am just going to pray and Pray and PRAY about it until I feel much better. If you could pray too, I would really appreciate it. I don't want either of my baby's to be labeled with anything so serious as CP. She said if she does have it it could mean as little as her just being clumsier than other children or it could be that she has some gait issues. It doesn't always end up that the child is drawn up and in a wheelchair, those are severe cases. One thing that Morgan has in her favor is that she is crawling and starting to pull up on the furniture. She said most babies who aren't sitting well, don't even crawl, but Morgan is moving and a grooving right along. So we will hold breath and cross fingers that my little bunny will be just fine.

4. There are things I would love to put in my blog. There are things I need to record and say so that I will know the true feelings I was having during this time in my life. I want to use my blog as a way to journal my life as a new mother. So that one day the girls can read it and see what I was feeling day in and day out during this time. But there are some things that I just can't bring myself to put in here. Things I don't want anyone to read neccessarily, but things that I don't want to forget. Does that make sense. Maybe I need to keep a paper journal too, just to have somewhere to put it all down at. Good thinking Mandy. I think I will get me a new journal sometime this week.

5. I am still working on a post about the girls birth and our NICU experience. I wish, like Hechung and Mike, I had known about this blog thing when the girls were born. Maybe I would have been able to vent and deal better with all those feelings while I was going through them instead of stuffing them way down inside of me and trying to deal with them here and there after the fact. A year ago this Thursday is when my water broke and this whole journey started for us. I am very aware of where I was a year ago today and tomorrow and so on. Each day I think "Hmm A year ago today I was ..."

6. Why is it that no matter how many toys and stuff that I drag out onto the floor for the girls to play with they find something dangerous or something they aren't supposed to get into to get into. For instance, at this very moment, Maddy is sitting in the middle of a floor with about twenty different age appropriate toys around her but she is more fascinated in these objects: William's cell phone holder, the phone cord coming out of the wall, an envelope she keeps dragging out of the computer desk, My hair clip that was clipped onto the side of the desk but I have now given up and let her have.
When she is playing with her toys I don't feel obsessed about watching her every move but when she is playing with something she is not supposed to really have (I don't let her near the phone cord, but the clip and the envelope I am letting her explore) I feel the need to watch her like a hawk. I mean what if a screw or something comes off of it and she chokes on it? I tried to take the things away but she screamed so much I just gave in and figured I would sit and watch her. But what is so fascinating about my hair clip when right next to it is a rattle worm thing that is bright colors and jingles when you move it? My hair clip is just boring brown.

7. William is off tomorrow and I am SO excited. I would love to just lay around all day and do nothing really! I always feel like I am wasting our time together if I do nothing but when we do actually go out and make a day of it, I wish the whole next day that I had just rested.

8. Now Maddy is trying to put my hair clip in the VCR. At least she knows the word "No" and tends to mind me. She looks at me when I say "No" and then usually eventually moves on to something else.

9. Do you know how HOT it is here today? I don't know for sure but it feels terrible outside. Yesterday I know that it was at least 101. That is ENTIRELY TOO HOT! When outside, it almost feels like your lungs are going to melt into liquid goo from the heat! Ewww.

10. We gave Maddy and Morgan soggy cheerios this weekend and they seemed to do pretty good with them. Maddy did really well, but Morgan ended up choking and needed to be turned over and pounded on. Well, we are at least making progress!

... I can't think anymore and really I am dying to get up and go get a cold glass of ice water. Happy Fourth of July! I will try to post some cute pictures of my bug a boo's tomorrow.

Domestic!

2006-07-01T07:41:00.000-07:00

Okay half way through typing this post the electician stopped by to check on a few things. He flipped the breaker and all that beautiful writing vanished when the computer was suddenly without power.

So ... I was reminding you of how last week I became determined to get the girls one of those fancy shcmancy shopping cart covers that keep tiny mouths and fingers from sucking up loads of germs from the everyday buggy we use at Walmart and Target and wherever else I drag my precious babies too.

I was telling you that I went to Babies R Us to find one last week, but all they had was ugly dark BLUE ones that cost $40.00! $40.00 people. So William being the super encouraging husband who believes in my domestic goddess skills suggested I buy a pattern for one and make two.

I went to Hancock fabric and picked out lovely fabrics in girly colors. I bought the $8.00 pattern, the seat belt and buckle for it. I even bought the fusible fleece it required. The lady who cut my fabric said that it would be a fairly easy pattern to do. It ended up costing $30.00 but at least it would be girly right?

All I can say is yeah right! The directions in it were indecipherable many times. I cut out the fabrics and pinned it like I should. I then called Shelley and asked for help.

Shelley is a doctor and Dan, her husband, is an engineer. It took all three of us three days to figure this pattern out and get the thing made. It was ridiculously hard. There were times when we, as a group, had to take a time out just to keep from throwing the whole dern thing out the back window.

Dan entertains Morgan while we sew!

But finally we finished and now ... Ta Da!!! We have the most beautiful shopping cart cover EVER!!!! William and I went to Walmart last night to get groceries and we took it along. Maddy really liked it and it kept her somewhat entertained and more importantly ... germ free, while we shopped.

On its maiden voyage, I got stopped THREE, count them, 3, three, times by strangers commenting on how cute or how neat it was. I was the envy of all the other shopper moms and, AND, it was 1030pm on a Friday night. Imagine my fame and attention when I take the thing to Target today! Yep, you betcha, gonna be so exciting, people will probably want autographs, I bet!

Thanks Shelley and Dan for helping me (okay for mostly doing it for me :)) We really appreciate it! We make a good team! Thanks Dan for the physics lesson and helping us figure out the gest of what the stupid instructions were trying or flat out didn't say. Ya'll are both the best!

Here it is! In all it's glory ...

Maddy checking out the fancy features such as POCKETS!
And Link-A-Doo loops!

Scaredy Pants ...

2006-06-29T18:05:00.000-07:00

Let's just start with first things first. I am not a happy camper tonight. I don't feel great and I am feeling low. The girls are not completely well, as we woke up this morning to find them both covered in a bumpy red rash! The doctor said it is a part of the virus and to give them Benadryl, which is the first medicine Maddy hates the taste of, and just wait and watch it. My back is much better but I am just really tired and feeling bad overall.

I told you yesterday that I would try to post something funny so in order to try and accomplish that I am going to tell you a story that makes me look like a crazy loon, as usual. It's not so much funny ha ha as it is just a funny idiosyncrasy about me. People tell me it is good to be able to laugh at yourself. So here goes:

I am terribly afraid of the dark. I mean terribly. Last night I went to put Morgan to bed but her room was too dark. The light is all the way across the room. I froze right inside the doorway. I had to turn and go get William and get him to put her in the crib.

It is safe for you to assume that I am also very afraid of scary movies. I haven't seen many, but the ones I have seen still bother me tremendously. For some reason the scariest movie I have ever seen is Signs. Yep, Signs, the one with Mel Gibson. Everyone else I know, who has seen this movie, says they can't understand why that movie in particular gets to me. Maybe it is because I live on a farm. Maybe I am just a crazy nut. I am sure that is part of it :)

I remember the first time I saw it, I was literally unable to go outside at night. I started parking my car closer to the front door, just so I could jump out and run inside. One day it snowed and the barns outside were covered in snow and I felt such a sense of relief. My irrational rationale was that if there were aliens on the roof, I would be able to see their footprints because of the snow. I don't even believe in aliens so this was a crazy thing to think, even for me.

Eventually my fear of going outside diminished and I went back to normal life, even parking in my normal spot in the driveway again.

Well. The other day I was scrolling through the guide on our t.v. and saw that Signs was on. I have laughed many times over the last couple of years, since I got over that particular fear, at how silly I was to be scared of that movie. I turned it on. Mostly I wanted to see what all the fuss had been about. The scene that came on was the one where Mel Gibson is sitting with his children and they are trying to figure out what to eat for dinner. One of the characters says "I think we should have sandwiches, something easy." and Mel says "No" and then he proceeds to ask the children what they really want. His son says "pancakes and mashed potatoes" His daughter says "spaghetti" and Mel says "A cheeseburger sounds good" Then it shows them sitting at the table not able to eat because they are so burdened with the thought of what is to come. At this point in the show I clicked off of the movie and changed to another channel. No big deal right, not scary in the least. Didn't watch enough of it to feel anything again.

Well not so fast. The next night I had forgotten to return some movies from the weekend back to Blockbuster. So William asked if I would run them up there so we wouldn't get stuck with late fees. I took one step out the door and froze. That panicky fear crawled over me and I broke out in a cold sweat. I tried not to do it, but I couldn't help myself, I looked over to the side of the house to see the moonlit cornfield. The barn was shadowy. Before I could even stop myself to rationalize, I was running. Running to my car, jumping in and locking the doors. When I came home from the store I forced myself to park in my normal spot. I got out of the car started walking toward the house and heard what I will seriously swear was someone screaming. I started running. I have NEVER been so relieved to see William open the door for me. He was, in that moment, my instant hero.

I don't know why I am so scared of the dark. I have no idea at what point this became a life altering fear. It is such a silly fear, so irrational. It seems like I could just step back and face the realities before me. Realize that the boogie man is not lurking in my yard or under my bed. That I am a grown up and should put this behind me. I don't think I can do it though. I don't have time to. When I get to the situation my body freezes and I react before I have time to think. I just bolt. I often try to force myself to work through the fear, like parking away from the house the other night. I could have pulled up in our yard, right next to the porch, but I wanted to make myself get through it. It didn't help, all it seemed to do was get my adrenaline rushing and heart pounding.

So this post didn't turn out to be all that funny after all. I thought laughing about my stupid fears would be funny but rereading it just makes me feel like a silly scaredy cat.
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In honor of my scary movies topic I have found a website that had some tips of things to do if you ever find yourself in a Horror Movie:

1. Never take a bath or shower with a maniac/creature in the house.

2. When it appears that you have killed the maniac/creature, DO NOT check to see if he/she/it is really dead. Keep hacking at it until it is in pieces small enough not to be a threat to you. If you've shot at it, shoot it again in the head, and remember, shoot till it stops moving, and then keep shooting till you're out of ammo. Then reload and shoot it some more. Then set it on fire and burn it up, this works with everything except demons and spirits. Then get the heck out of there!

3. If plumbing fixtures or other structures in your home begin shaking and spewing body fluids, it's time to leave.

4. Don't look under the bed.

5. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

6. If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get out of the area.

7. If relatives or pets come back from the dead, don't approach them and ask "What did you come back to do?"

8. If you've hidden from the maniac/creature and you are not found, do not peek from or decide it's safe to leave your hiding place. If you do decide to leave, scan the ground for twigs before you take a step.

9. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. (Note: It will probably take several rounds of gunfire to incapacitate them, so be prepared.)

10. If you've just finished running over the maniac/creature in your car, keep going. Most certainly do not get out of the car under any circumstances to see if he/she/it is "really" dead.

11. If you find something that appears to be alive that you cannot identify, don't pick it up or touch it, with anything.

12. If priests won't or can't enter your home, start looking for a new home.

13. If you find a town which looks deserted, it is probably deserted for a darn good reason. Take the hint and stay away.

14. Never pick up a hitchhiker or stop to aid a suspicious person, especially if he/she/it resembles Santa Claus or the Devil.

15. Never speak to clowns in sewers.

16. Listen closely to the soundtrack for hints on what is going on around you. Use all resources available, especially the audience, for on the average, they are much, much more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

17. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, Mydian, Questa Verde, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

18. Beware of strangers bearing tools of destruction such as chainsaws, staple guns, chipper/shredders, weed poppers, combines, lawnmowers, knives, flamethrowers, band saws, crossbows, napalm, grenades, high-powered rifles, gophers wielding axes, laser pistols, or Alludium Q-36 explosive space modulators.

19. If you are alone in a house and something calls your name, leave the house immediately through whatever exit is in the opposite direction. If there is no exit, make one.

20. If you are being chased by maniac/creature, take off your stiletto high heels.

All Better

2006-06-28T15:37:00.000-07:00

Feeling much better in our household today. Maddy is still pulling on her ears but is finally back to her happy baby self. She is playing and smiling up a storm. Morgan hasn't had a fever since last night and so we think we are all better there. We have had a nice day today.

Yesterday my back was hurting so badly that I didn't even feel like talking. I spent most of the day grinding my teeth and laying around on the couch. Brigitta, the sitter, came over around 7:30pm and played with the girls, fed them, and read them some stories before putting them to bed about 9pm. I was here at the house but my back was hurting so bad I just wanted to lay down. I am so glad that we have found someone reliable and trustworthy to come and help me out every once and a while. I really enjoyed having her come and help me.

I don't know what is wrong with my back. It feels like my sciatic nerve, as the pain is right beside my tail bone and throbs up and down my left leg. It hurt so bad yesterday that all I could do was cry. I took some tylenol but it didn't help. My relaxing hot bath turned into a luke warm bath with two babies trying to get into everything around me, so that didn't help. I didn't have a heating pad but went and got one this morning. So we will see how that does. I am actually feeling a lot better today though.

Where is everyone at? It has been so quiet here in blogland?

Well thats about all I have to say tonight. Maybe tomorrow I will try to think of something funny to write about. I am working on a post for next week. I want to write some about the girls' birth story. I feel finally ready to share it online. I think it has been a long time coming and I need to get it out there so I can start to put it past me. I feel like I have been hoarding these feelings to myself for the past year and it is just time for me to write it all out. I also found my NICU journal so I might share some of that too.

Till tomorrow...

My Little Sunbeam

2006-06-26T16:04:00.000-07:00

When I was a teenager I worked at my church camp and during the summer we would have a group of little girls called Sunbeams and Girl Guards come. It was kinda like girl scouts and brownies only it was run by our church. Anyway, on the last night of camp we held a formal Indian ceremony around a campfire. Depending on the number of years camp you had attended you received different things. The first year girls made headbands during the week and the second years, made moccasins. They wore these items to the ceremony. Third year girls made Indian dresses out of brightly colored fabric sewn together by the leaders and then the children painted on them and cut fringe. During the ceremony, the third year ladies received an "Indian name" Something like "Lily flower" or "Butterfly Princess" or some other "official" Indian name. It was a big dot deal for these little girls and it was an important thing for the third year campers.

This picture of my sweet little sick Maddy Moo reminded me of those Indian names, and so I lovingly dubbed her:

"Royal Princess Fussy Pants"

She's been wearing this crown since Saturday. She has worn it almost all day today and when I took it off and put it in the toy box, she crawled over to it and tried to put it back on her head.

In The Trenches

2006-06-26T15:31:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't updated in a couple of days. I have been what you call "in the trenches" Maddy is finally starting to perk up. She is still hoarse and still puny. She is finally playing again but this time if she falls down or can't get to what she wants, she just stops and cries that heartbroken cry. She is wanting to be "babied" and held a lot more than usual. She is usually VERY independent and has not been so at all since getting sick, last week. I do see some improvements though.

Morgan has had a fever since Friday night. I took her to the doctor's office this morning and she doesn't have an ear infection. They thought she might have strep, since her throat is so swollen and red, but it wasn't strep and was a virus.
Both girls have a slight rash on their faces? Maybe from fever? I don't know.
So, no antibiotics for Morgan. We just have to let it run its course. Yipee!

Saturday I cleaned house all day and then Sunday we had Beth's baby shower for Aubree at my house. It was nice but hectic and I am relieved it is over. It is hard to take care of two sick babies, clean, decorate, throw a party, and be sociable, on so little sleep, all at one time. The party was really nice though and Beth got a ton of really cute stuff.

Here are a couple of pictures from the shower and of the girls, to hold you over until I have time to write something more creative or interesting. Right now I feel barely able to communicate much less write creatively. :) I'll be back to normal soon I am sure and then I will have lots of wonderful things to say ... maybe?!!?

Running on Empty ...

2006-06-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

It has been one really long week. I am so exhausted from the girls being sick. Maddy is still not feeling a lot better and slept most of the day. I called the doctor's office this morning to find out what they thought and the stupid nurse said, "Well, sometimes it takes up to four days for the medicine to start working. If she gets worse over the weekend, just take her to the ER and if not then we will talk to you on Monday" What? Are you telling me that the medicine would not only not start working for FOUR days but she would get worse and worse in the meantime. I don't know how this stuff works but it would seem to me that even if she didn't improve right away on the antibiotic, she should at least be heading in the right direction, not getting worse. Poor sweet baby has almost completely lost her voice and is now coughing too. She still has fever off and on (at least not all the time now) and she is sleeping almost the entire day.

Morgan hasn't thrown up since the other morning, so that was good .... but .... she is now running fever and so I am assuming is coming down with whatever Maddy has. She started running fever around 8pm tonight and so there is really nothing I can do for her, except Tylenol, until Monday when the doctor's office opens.

Just about the time I start expecting things to look up, Morgan comes down with it. So I am looking at a minimum of another week of this crap. I am seriously running on empty and am starting to daydream of hiring a babysitter to watch the girls while I sleep.

I am so tired and I AM getting to sleep almost all night everynight, so I don't know why I am so worn out. Could it be that they are more demanding and so I have less downtime during the day? Could it be the worrying is causing me to be physically tired? Or am I fighting this bug off too and that is why I am so exhausted? Whatever the reason, I know I could really use some good R&R time. I would love to just curl up in bed and watch t.v. or read a magazine.

We had quite a few visitors today. Melissa and Alissa came by for lunch to see me and the girls. Melissa brought lunch and Alissa brought the girls story books from her Hawaiian honeymoon. She was saving them for their birthday but brought them today since they were under the weather. It was nice to finally have other adults to talk to. Then tonight my mom and Scott came by to see the girls. Mom brought souvenirs from her Vegas work trip for the girls. The shirts were so cute. My favorite was one pink one that said "I need lots of TLC - Toys, Love, and Candy"

Here are a couple of pictures from the last few days. I took them but am just now uploading them to the computer:

Morgan checks on her sissy

Maddy makes her "snooty" face

Mimi and Maddy

Poppy and Morgan

Quick Update

2006-06-22T18:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, today has been a better day. Not a great day, but better than yesterday.

This morning Maddy was just soooo needy and I didn't care in the least bit because I knew she felt really bad and just wanted her mommy ... that's me! So she was all cuddles and snuggles but just pitiful and while I enjoyed the closeness I just hated that she was so puny.

I got up at 6am to find her whining on the couch. The girls room is one of the warmer rooms in the house (well until today) and so last night we put Maddy in the playpen in the living room so it would be cooler. Well William at some point in the night moved to the couch to be closer to her and then this morning he had napped with her on the couch. So when I came in the living room at 6 she was rolling around whining on the couch. William was mostly still asleep except for the occasional grunt.

She was miserable. I think the pressure in her ears was getting to her because when I picked her up she immediately was happier. She layed her head on my shoulder and I rocked her in the rocking chair. After she was good and asleep we moved to my bed. Daddy was still out on the couch. When I layed her down, she started whining and crying again. So I ended up sleeping sorta sitting up with her on my chest to keep her propped up.

Then about 9am I got up and left her in the bed. About 11am I went in and tried to rouse her and she would just flip over and go back to sleep. She was so lethargic. William called in sick to help me out. We figured it was going to be a long day of clinginess and we weren't entirely sure if she was going to need to go back to the doctor or not.

Morgan has been fine since the pukefest yesterday morning. Once she stopped throwing up and got some pedilite in her, she was much happier. So she just mostly crawled around and played all day. That was a big relief. Having two very sick babies is sooo hard.

So anyway, Maddy is still not feeling good. She hasn't really played at all today and that isn't like her. She is puny and sleeping a lot and when she is awake she mostly cries the "pitiful cry". She sounds a little hoarse but I wonder if that is from all the "waaaaa waaaaa waaaaa"ing, she has done today? She has had a fever off and on all day.

We have now given her five doses of the amoxicillan, if she isn't much better by the morning I am calling the doctor back. The medicine should be working by then, right?

This is how we are feeling today...

2006-06-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

Poor Baby - Morgan Bear

Last night was rough. Maddy was really sick and we almost couldn't get her fever down. I gave her tylenol at 6pm and at 8pm her temp was 102.8 then at ten her temp was 103.4. I was really getting worried. I talked to the nurse at my doctor's answering service and she told me that I wasn't giving Maddy enough tylenol for her weight. It would have been nice if the doctor's office would have told me the correct dosage because when I looked on the side of the bottle it said 0.8mL but then really Maddy needs 1.2mL now. Whatever. Anyway, once we got the correct dose in her and a round of the antibiotics, her fever slowly went down.

This morning all was going smoothly. Maddy took her medicine and tylenol and so far hasn't had a fever. She doesn't act like she feels very good, but at least, no fever. William and I went about our routine of getting ready in the morning. I woke up feeling kinda icky since I started a new medicine the other day. I was tired too from having such a hard night with Maddy. I took a bath, fixed my hair, brushed my teeth, and got dressed in my shorts and tshirt.

William fed the girls. He put Maddy on the floor to play and Morgan in her bed for a nap. He left for work, I kept his cell phone. About an hour later I heard Morgan kinda coughing. A few seconds later I heard her choking. It took about a second to register before I layed Maddy on the floor and ran to their bedroom. Morgan was throwing up carrots in the corner of her bed. She looked up at me and smiled. I picked her up, cleaned off her little orange face, and brought her into the living room with me. "Did that Daddy feed that baby too many carrots this morning?" I asked Morgan while smiling. She smiled back. "Poor baby," I said I sat down at the computer to check my email. Maddy was playing on the floor and Morgan was cuddled up in my lap. "Cough Cough" Morgan said .... and then she leaned forward. I saw the look on her little baby face and raised my hand to her mouth, trying to catch it before it hit me. She threw up in my hand. Then projectile all over my shirt, then projectile all over my shorts and herself. Orange carrots were everywhere. It took some major manuevering to place her gently on the floor with one hand. I had her in one hand and a hand full of orange goo in the other. I went to the bathroom, cleaned my self up, stripped down, picked up Morgan stripped her down to her diaper, put her in the highchair, started a load of laundry and put on my pj's.

My plan at this point was to write an entry entitled "Pajama Party". To tell you that I was crazy to think I could "catch" her "breakfast" (why does he insist on giving them veggies for breakfast anyway - weirdo) in one hand. To tell you how hard it is to pick up a baby with one hand and strategically place her on the rug without getting more goo all over her and you and the rug at the same time. But ... while I was loading the washer and contemplating what a good story this would be, my sweetpea Morgan threw up again all over her bare belly and diaper and highchair. So I was back to square one. I was cleaning and scrubbing. I changed her diaper, moved her to the bouncy seat, and started to clean up the highchair. All of the sudden (well at this point it wasn't so unexpected really) "cough" ... "cough" ... "bleeeekkkk". All over her, the new diaper and the bouncy. We went on like this at least two more times before I gave up, grabbed a dish towel and her and called William at work.

I had to call his boss because I had his cell phone at home with me. I had to tell his boss it was an emergency with our kids to get him on the phone. I told William to come home, I just can't take care of two babies alone, one with a fever and ear infection and "need mommy clinginess" and the other upchucking all over me, her, and the furniture.

I called the doctor and when I told the receptionist Morgan was sick she mistakely thought I was talking about Maddy, since I was just there with Madelynn yesterday. "No" I said, "I really mean Morgan is sick, her twin" In this household, when it rains it pours. The nurse called me back and told me a few things to do with Morgan. I knew these already, we've already had a the stomach flu with these two.

So here we are ... we are having a BAD day. A very terrible, not so good, rotten, just overall not happy day!

Poor Little Maddy Moo

2006-06-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

Today Maddy crawled over to me in the rocking chair and was whining for me to pick her up. When I did, I noticed that her head was really hot, but the rest of her was cool to the touch. I leaned her back to look at her face and I noticed her eyes looked heavy. So I decided to take her temperature, thinking that surely she was fine and I was being paranoid, as usual. But when I took her temp the thermometer kept climbing and got up to 102.7 before it slipped.

So I called my mommy in Vegas who said that since Maddy has been so lethargic the last two days (I had sent her an email yesterday saying Maddy was a "sleepyhead") and she had been tugging on her ears since Saturday, I should go ahead and call the doctor. I called and they gave me an appointment an hour later. I called Brigitta, our sitter, and she came over to watch Morgan while I was gone.

Maddy and I got to the doctors office where she was all smiles and such a happy baby. They weighed her and said she weighed 15 1/2 lbs. The nurse looked at her chart and said she had weighed 12lbs in April. So that is a pretty good gain for two months. The doctor came in, took one look in Maddy's ears and said they looked awful. She has a double ear infection and they prescribed Amoxicillian, which William is going to pick up tonight on his way home from work.

My poor baby is sick. I almost started crying in the doctor's office. I told her of how we had gone out to eat this weekend and I put Maddy in the restaurant highchair for the first time and how Maddy had put her mouth on the side of the chair in that split second when I looked away. I asked if this could be where she got the germs and the doctor started giggling. She said "Oh honey, this is not your fault. Don't try to take the blame. Babies get sick and ear infections are very common at this age" She asked me if I had a dropper to give the medicine and I said "Like the one in the tylenol bottle right?" and she laughed again. She said she would get me one. She said "Oh, I forgot, the girls have never been sick before now" (except for the killer stomach flu we had in April, which required no medicine).

So ... she said I was doing a really good job as a mom, and that made me feel a little better. Though, I still feel very much to blame. I feel even worse that I scoffed at the price of the shopping cart covers, because now I am definitely getting one or TWO even, no matter what they cost. I just can't have my babies getting sick with ear infection after ear infection.

This Saturday when I put Maddy in the shopping cart at Target and again in the high chair at the restaurant I said to myself "Calm down, it's okay for them to be exposed to some germs" Inside I was screaming "germs, germs, germs" but outside I was trying to let go a little and relax. But now I just feel like this is all my fault. I know it isn't the end of the world. I just hate that she feels bad and I hate that Morgan might get it too (because they share everything). In all reality, who knows where Maddy got this bug because she was pulling on her ears on Saturday and so it couldn't be from eating out or Target. But I still feel badly about it.

Keep my sweet Moo in your prayers tonight. I will let you know how it progresses!

Monday's Post - Random Thoughts

2006-06-19T09:49:00.000-07:00

1. We had a nice weekend. We really didn't do anything special. Saturday, it was raining but I had made plans with my girlfriends to do something. So Maddy and I went to the mall where we met up with Melissa and Alissa. We had lunch at this little restaurant in the food court where all the waiters and waitresses seemed to be suffering from something. They were all dragging around acting really really out of it. It was kinda funny because I thought they all seemed to be in slow motion. But really I think mostly our waiter was just suffering from a bad case of laziness. Then halfway through our meal the lights went out over us and then completely went out in the restaurant. It was storming really bad. The lights came back on right away and we finished our meal and then went shopping.

2. Sunday was Father's Day. We were going to go to church with Tim and Beth but when I called them, Beth, said they weren't going to go in the morning. So that was out. We got up and took the girl's with us to Ryan's (*yuk) William loves Ryan's and I never let him eat there because I don't like it at all, but since it was Father's Day, I said we could go. And really it wasn't all that bad. The shrimp was good and the salad was good. *I am not a big fan of buffets.*

3. I bought Maddy and Morgan these little mesh bag things that you put food in and then they chew on it and it mushes the food in the bag so they can eat it. We took them to Ryan's with us and the girls went nuts. We put watermelon and peaches in it and I think we put pineapple in it too. They were so content and happy. Maddy especially liked it because the food was cold and she is teething a lot more these days.

4. After that we drove all the way across town to Babies R' Us to look for one of those shopping cart covers that you put in the front of your cart. Now that Maddy is sitting good, she is ready to sit in the front of the cart or in a high chair at a restaurant. But since she is teething she tries to use the metal bars or wooden sides of the chair to chew on. This is so gross and makes me crazy because all I see is germs when I look at it. Even though I doused it in purrell and her in purrell, I need one of those covers to fully feel comfortable. After a 45 minute drive to the store, they only had dark blue ones. They had about 50 of them but they were all in dark blue. I want something girly. And did you know those things cost like $40.00 a piece. My mom said she would buy them though, so I am going to look online and try to find a cute one.

5. We watched four movies this weekend. Yep, that's right, I said four. I told you we didn't really do anything. I even took two naps (during the movies) but hey, it was nice and relaxing. Here's the review:

We rented Hoodwinked - Rated PG and is animated but seemed like it might be funny. Was pretty good. We watched it over the course of two days. The first time we watched it William fell asleep (but it was late at night) The second time we watched it I fell asleep at the end. I would say overall it was okay. But I wouldn't bother watching it again.

Pink Panther - Staring Steve Martin and Beyonce. I actually really like this movie. I thought it was a cute movie. Simple and not very challenging but I was so tired that it was nice to not have to watch something you have to think through.

Aquamarine - I liked it okay. Very young. Would have loved it if I was a teenage or preteen girl. It was a simple and sweet movie but glad I didn't go to the theatre to see it.

Date Movie- Spoof like Scary Movie - It was funny in parts. I wouldn't watch it again.

6. This morning I took the girls to get weighed. Maddy is weighing in a 15lbs. even and Morgan was 13lbs 14oz. I was worried you know. Looks like we may have to stay on the higher calorie formula for longer. I will let you know more about this later I guess.

7. When William left for work a little bit ago, he put Maddy in the playpen and Morgan is asleep in her crib. Maddy was playing and I layed down on the couch. I fell asleep and woke up a few minutes later to a screeching baby. She was fine, just standing up in the pen looking at me and screeching. I was so sleepy that I just pulled the cover over my head and went back to sleep. She is safe in her playpen and wasn't crying. It was like when she realized I was there within her range, she wanted out. The funny thing is that when I covered my head up with the blanket and I dissappeared to her. She sat down and started playing again. While snoozing in and out I pulled the blanket down accidently and sure enough she saw me again and started screeching again. We went on like this for a good thirty minutes. I would cover up, drift off, she'd play, I'd uncover accidently in my sleep and she would stand up and hollar at me. I finally gave up. Now that I am up she seems completely content to play in the playpen again. Why do I have to be awake for her to play? Now I hear Morgan in there so my dreams of taking another cat nap are now dashed. :( I am really sleepy today.

8. We went to tour the YMCA yesterday here in our town. I have always thought of the Y as a place for like transient homeless men so you can imagine my surprise when we pulled up to a nice brick building. We went inside, I still wasn't expecting much, and the place was pristine. Clean and huge. They had a meeting, party room, an olympic size indoor swimming pool that had a few families playing in it with their kids. One family even had twin babies, a boy and a girl. They had a nice big aerobics room where they also hold classes for ballet and tumbling, free for children 3 and up. That will be nice for the girls later. They had a CLEAN free childcare room that was big and had rocking chairs and lots of toys. It was empty yesterday because the childcare isn't open on Sunday's. But I noticed there were toys in the drainer that they had recently washed. They had a state of the art cardio room with treadmills and bikes and elliptical machines with T.V. to watch while working out. Oh and the windows from the cardio room look straight in on the nursery so you can watch the kids while you exercise. I like that. They had an area with all the weight equiptment (I doubt I will use that anytime soon). The best and most fabulous part for me was the water park out back. A real water park. When I called and they said they had a water park and an indoor pool, I figured water park meant like sprinklers and stuff out back. If it meant pool, why didn't they say pool. Why? Because it is a brand new pristine water park. It is a huge pool. On one side it is like 1 1/4 foot deep. The babies could sit and play with me in the pool. On the other end it is deeper like 5 feet or something and it has slides the big kids can go down. Big slides. I would say overall I was very impressed. I think we are planning on joining next weekend. They gave us a two day pass but we didn't feel like going back last night to try out the pool. So we are planning on going this coming weekend. A family membership wasn't too expensive and you can cancel your membership at any time with a ten day notice. So when RSV season gets back we can stop going and pick back up in the spring again.

9. Please keep the Hurt Family in your prayers. They are our NICU buddies. They had triplets when the girls were two weeks old. We have been keeping up with each other ever since. We all went to the step down unit together and then home from the NICU about the same time. The youngest girl, and smallest of their triplets, is sick and was admitted to the hospital last night. She has a cold and needed some fluids and antibiotics. The dad said they would probably release her tonight or tomorrow. Just if you can, please say a prayer for them all. I think they have all been sick for awhile and it is a struggle when you have one baby sick, much less three at one time.

10. I better get off of here. Maddy is one hungry girl! Time for lunch :)

Two, hopefully funny, Short Stories ...

2006-06-16T13:06:00.000-07:00

well maybe not so short ...

Mission Impossible ---
"do do do do do, do do do do do"
(That's my rendition of the theme song if you hadn't figured that out already :)

Today Morgan woke up from a nap right about the time that Maddy was going down for one. Morgan and I played for a while on the floor in the living room and about an hour later we heard Maddy playing in her crib. I went in and instead of getting Maddy out, I put Morgan in the crib beside her so they could play together. Now, normally when I put them in the crib or playpen together they end up crawling on top of each other and both screaming. So you can imagine my amazement when after about thirty minutes I realized I hadn't heard a peep coming from their room. Not a peep, not a cry or a giggle or anything. I knew that it was a good thing and that they were both surely fine but I wanted to check on them just to be sure.

I didn't want Maddy to see me, because if we made eye contact even once she would surely start screaming to get out of her bed. So instead I got down on the living room floor and crawled on my hands and knees to the hallway. I peeked around the corner to see if she was at the end of her bed looking out. She wasn't. I didn't see her or Morgan from my crouched down state. I stealthily moved through the small hallway and into the girl's room, up to the edge of the crib where the bumper and mattress met. I found a small spot to peek through from the bottom of the bumper. Maddy was sitting there playing quietly with a toy. She was facing me but didn't notice the movement of the bumper. I knelt back down for a second. Too cute spying on them so I peeked again. This time I couldn't help myself. I started laughing, but not the outward robust laugh you would expect. This was a whispered laugh, kinda like siii hhaaaaaaa haaaa haa. Maddy looked up. That made me laugh more, still muffled. I ducked back down and waited till I got myself under control. When I peeked again, she was playing again intently, unaware I was even there. I have no idea why this was so funny to me but I started laughing again. She looked up again. This time I was a little louder but still muffled. She looked straight out like "What the heck is that noise" I thought I was going to die. I burst out laughing loudly all the while trying to back up still crawling through the hallway and into the living room so as not to get caught. I got almost through the doorway to the living room and looked up to see my two foot baby standing at the edge of her crib scowling at me. She didn't cry or laugh, just looked at me like I was an idiot. Yep, I'm the mommy :)

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It's Foreign to Me

Have you ever had a manicure or pedicure? I am sure you have. I don't know about other areas of the country but here almost every place you can go to get your nails done is run by Asian manicurist. There are some salons in town where American manicurist do your nails, but those places usually require a reservation and cost more money.

Last weekend was mom's surprise party and all her work friends were going to be there. I wanted to look polished, you know professional, like I used to look before I quit the workforce to be a crazy lunatic mommy (see first story). So anyway, I went to my local "walk-ins welcome" nail salon and asked for a manicure and spa pedicure. Total Cost: $37.00. I was by myself, but that was okay, it was overall very relaxing ... except for the jibbering and jabbering the manicurists did amongst themselves. It's all in their own language mixed in with some pointing and laughing.

One young girl was in the spa seat beside me when I got there. She was a bigger girl and she was somewhat loud and immature. When it came time to pay, I guess they had overcharged her or something as she got in a little debate with the manicure guy (yes, I said guy) and then they worked it out in his broken English and her very southern twang. But when she left, it was like the flood gates opened and the manicure guy and the pedicure old woman started spouting out all kinds of jibber jabber (I call it that only because I have no idea what nationality they are and don't want incorrectly label them)

They were pointing at her, still outside waiting for her ride, I guess, and they were going back and forth "yaaawwweeee soooouuuee see bing ching dee" I am just making stuff up. It was all silly sounding to me. The guy was making hand gestures and was upset and the old woman was waving her hands and laughing. I sat there in my chair soaking my feet watching their expressions. From the expressions and tone I guess I could tell they were being mean to the girl and talking about her weight and how rude she was ...blah blah blah. Anyway, the sounds that their language made and the boisterous way they were talking left an impression in my head.

Overall, I was annoyed that they were ruining my relaxing pedicure experience, which I only get done a couple of times a year. But still, I probably would have forgotten about it completely except that this week I've noticed the girls making the same sounds at home. The last two days Maddy and Morgan have been playing on the floor together and jibber jabbering to one another. Maddy says "yaaawwweeee sooouuuee see" and Morgan responds "bing ching dee daaa eeee" and so on. It is too funny. This morning they were in their high chairs and William was getting breakfast ready for them (strained carrots, yum?) and they started it up again.

To make a long story short, or not, I felt like I was right back in the salon again. Maddy was squealing and making those sounds and Morgan was waving her arms around in the air talking back. Makes me feel like everyone is speaking this crazy language around me that I just don't understand.

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Just thought I would share two stories for the price of one! Well, I thought they were funny ... ??? ...!

Babies Babies ... Everywhere

2006-06-15T05:59:00.000-07:00

This has been a very busy week for me. I am not complaining though, as it has been nice to get out of the house and have things to do! On Monday, William stayed home from work and Charla came over to do therapy with the girls.

On Tuesday, we had the March of Dimes awards luncheon to attend. Melissa and I took the girls and met up with Casey and Gavin. Ohhhh, he is so sweet. I held him for a little while and he just nuzzled close. What a lovebug! Casey looked great too and it was so nice to see her.

On Wednesday, that was yesterday right, yesterday we went to see Miss Aubree Elizabeth who came home from the hospital on Tuesday. William and I got up and went over to the house to see her and she was so tiny. Just so you know, I am completly in love with that baby! She mostly slept all day but it was so sweet to just gaze in and watch her. We all went to lunch together at this little cafe down the road from Beth's house. So it was Beth and Adam and Aubree, Nora (Beth's mommy) and Keith (Beth's little brother), Me and Maddy and Morgan. I think the waitress wanted to faint when she saw us coming in with all those kids.

In between all these crazy outings I have been frantically cleaning house and taking care of two monkeys who are in and out of everything. Last night I washed all the girls' toys in the sink, you know the rattles and teethers and other plastic stuff. Then I used that new "Clorox Anywhere Hard Surfaces" cleaner that is supposed to be safe for toys and other kids stuff. I dried it all good, and put it back in the bucket, and back in the playpen. Maddy was already in the playpen drinking her bottle. I went to give Morgan a bath and when I came back, Madelynn was sitting up in the playpen licking each and every toy from the bucket. She would lick it and drop it and get a new toy from the bucket. William said she was fixing them for me. It was too funny. It really was like she was concerned that I had washed the flavors off :)

Maddy - getting taller everyday!

Morgan crawling through her bouncer!
What a little monkey!

Today, I am meeting my cousin Carrie for lunch. She is bringing her little girl Alexis. I am excited to see them. I haven't seen Carrie probably since we were right out of highschool, so it has been years. I really want to catch up and it is nice to finally be in touch with some other mommies.

I guess I will go and get a few things done before the day gets wild. Check out Beth's Blog and see the new pictures of Aubree. Let her know how happy you are for her, I am sure she would love to hear from everyone :)

Watching Them Grow..

2006-06-12T17:44:00.000-07:00

We live on a small farm. William takes advantage of all the land out here and makes us a vegetable garden every summer. He loves it. He spends countless spring and summer hours working it, and his hard work usually pays off. Every year we have a better crop than the year before.

When we first moved here, we planted all the normal vegetables out there and got back very little. Some of the things we planted were what they call two year plants, meaning the first year they don't produce anything but the next they do. Most of the stuff just didn't grow like he had hoped.

But the next year we pulled in a bit more and then last year we had quite a bit to boast about. Unfortunately, last year I was in the hospital and then the girls came and were in the NICU and we just didn't have time or energy to enjoy all the stuff that grew. We ended up giving some of it away and what we didn't rotted.

Some things that grow in our garden have been here a long time before we got here, like the blueberries. Some things aren't ours like the peaches that grow in the orchard next door. But I thought I would show off some of William's prize possessions. He is so proud of his super growing skills. My family even buys him gardening stuff for Christmas because it is the only thing you can really get him that gets him all excited and fired up. If you have a second, let him know how proud you are of his skills. It will surely make him feel good :) and we could all use a little booster every now and then :)

Blackberries and Blueberries

Cabbage and Corn

Cucumbers and Lettuce

Peaches and Pumpkins

But his prize possessions are his watermelons. Scroll below to see them!

Wait for it ....

Be patient ....

Working hard on growing these ....
This one is about 3 inches long.

These are much bigger than that ....

Maddy Grace

Morgan Gabrielle

Think we might win a prize if we take these two to the fair?

Busy Busy Happy Weekend!

2006-06-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

This weekend we were so busy! On Saturday we threw my mom a suprise Birthday party. She was so shocked. It was a big birthday for her and her friend Mindy and I organized the whole thing. It turned out really well! My mom is really smart and so it was tough trying to keep it a surprise. I was expecting her to figure it out at any minute. The funny thing is the party was held at Michele's house, another of mom's friends, and while we were still setting up, I asked William to park my car down the street. He got busy with the girls and forgot to move it. So when she pulled up to the house, for what she thought was just dinner with Michele, my car was in the driveway with both carseats visible in the backseat, and she still didn't catch on. Then when Mindy answered the door she was holding Maddy in her arms. Mom said later that her first thought was "Oh, Michele invited Mindy over for dinner too, how cool!" Then it dawned on her that Mindy was holding Maddy, at that moment we all jumped out and yelled surprise. It was perfect :) Here are some pictures from the festivities...

My Aunt Susan holding Morgan before Mom and Scott arrived.
Mom's Birthday Cake

Mom cutting her cake!

Morgan says "mmmm.. Icing is yummy!"

Okay so that was fun! By the time we got home the girls were just beat. They slept the whole ride home and William put them straight to bed in their cribs once home. They slept all night and woke up at about 6am. So from 9:30pm to 6am.

Then today we went to my Aunt Susan's house to do family birthday and Father's Day. My mom is going to Las Vegas on business next week so we had to do things a week early. We had a pool party. This wasn't the first time the girls have been in a big pool but it was the first time they have been in a big pool with all the family together. It was the first time they have been out in the sun for an entire afternoon. Let's just say that Banana Boat Baby SPF 50 works really well. They didn't even get a tan. Plus when I bought their swim diapers it came with a free sample of these little stickers you put on the baby (you can see it in the pictures below) and they change color to let you know when it is time to reapply sunscreen. They worked marvelously! I plan on buying some more next time I am at the store. We had so much fun. Maddy has always been a water baby, but Morgan was always sorta shy in the water. Today she was so excited to play in the pool. She was all smiles and splashing and kicking her little feet and arms. She was so cute. They both were. I had so much fun just moving her around in the water. Here are some cutie pie pictures from today ...

Morgan chillin' out in the pool :) Maddy Moo sits on the steps and splashes.
See her sun sticker? It's a fishyMorgan in her shady pool float!

Well, I hope everyone had a nice weekend. I think that even though we were busy every minute this weekend, overall it was wonderful. I am still looking forward to next weekend though, when we can hang out at home and be lazy ...

In Memory of My Nana ...

2006-06-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

To my family: Please don't read this if you think it might bring you sadness or more pain. This was just my way of dealing with some of my feelings regarding Nana. All of it is written out of love. It is the things in my heart that echo in my head when I think of her. Those things I wish I could have said. Those things I wish I could have done to show her one more time how much she meant to me. Just a warning, as I would never want bring any more aching to your heart.

Dear Nana,

Two years ago yesterday we held your funeral. I know it was one of the worst days of my life. Your death was such a shock. I wasn't expecting you to be gone. When mom called me that Friday night and told me that you were going to the ER, I hung up the phone and looked at Melissa and William who were sitting on the couch. Melissa asked what was wrong and I told her that mom had just called and you were going to the ER because you were having trouble breathing. I got up the next morning and went to the hospital to see you. They had already taken you to ICU. I came in and you were sitting there on the bed holding an oxygen mask to your mouth. I was scared but not too scared. I said "I love you". You said "I ... love you ...too" from behind the mask, William was behind me. We went to the waiting room to wait for the next visiting time. We heard an announcement that the Harvey team needed to come to the ICU. Aunt Susan told me it was for your room. I was scared then. Up to that moment I had never heard of a Harvey Team. We went in to see you after they put you on a ventilator. You were pale. I rubbed your feet. I was more scared then. We left the room again to let you rest and this time when they called the Harvey Team, I knew it was for your room. I knew you were leaving us. When the doctor came out we were huddled in a corner and I couldn't believe you were gone. I couldn't contain my pain. I hurt so badly. I wondered, I wonder if it will ever stop hurting.

I miss you so much. The week before you died I was going to come to see you at your house. I had the Gone With The Wind movie you had ordered from Avon. I was going to bring it by but I figured I would do something else instead and come by the next Monday. You were gone by then. I still have your movie. I couldn't return it. I needed to keep it. Mom and Susan gave me a pair of your socks. I don't know why, or maybe I got them when I stayed with Papaw after the funeral. I wear them often and I still feel you. I have your purple "N" bracelet and I wear it to church. I think of you when I look at it.

Thank you for all the things you did for me in my life. Thank you for always making me feel loved and special. When I was little I would spend the night with you and we would eat peach frozen yogurt or fresh popcorn with real butter. We would play aggravation or work on puzzles. I always had a good time at your house. When I would leave you would make me a goody bag. You would fill a plain brown paper lunch sack with an apple, and an orange, a coke, and fritos. We played with Barbies kept under the bed and you read me stories. Those same books are now on the girls' bookshelf in their room, stories I will read to them one day and when I do I will think of you. We sang Elvira in the car on the way to Great Grandmother's house and you unabashedly did the "uumboppa mow mows" straight from your heart. One night several months after your funeral, mom and I were out with a group of people singing karaoke. A man got up to sing Elvira and I went to the bathroom and cried like a baby. I sobbed in the stall till my chest hurt.
When I was older you still made time to make me feel loved and special. You called me "sweetie". You sent me cards when I was sick. You never once missed a time when I was in the hospital. You always came to see me. When I went through tough times you were beside me and when I brought William to meet you, you welcomed him like he had been there the whole time. To William this meant the world, he'd never had a family like mine and you meant the world to him. I think he cried just as hard when you died as I did. I asked him why you were gone, over and over and he said he didn't know why. He loved you so much too. That made me love you even more than I did already!

You were always putting others first. You were a good Christian woman. You loved God and you loved your family. I wish, more than anything, you could have met my babies. I wish more than anything you could have held them in your arms. You could have made them potato soup when they were sick. That you could have kissed their tiny cheeks. Sometimes at night I will march my fingers up and down their tiny legs and I think of you. I hear you saying "Their was a tiny man who walked up a hill..." I love them so much and I know that I learned how to love them like that through you and mom. I learned through you how to be a gentle but strong woman. I learned how to be kind hearted and compassionate of others.

I feel a sense of peace at night knowing that you are up there watching over me, watching over all of your family. I love you and I think about you most every day. I am proud of who you were, proud to be your granddaughter. I will always miss you so much!

Love Forever,

Mandy

A Mother's Worries

2006-06-08T10:24:00.000-07:00

What better place to post my worries than my website where other preemie mom's can tell me if we are the exception or the rule. Where we can share experiences and help each other figure this whole motherhood thing out.

Lately I have been amazed at my children. Simply amazed! I look at them and see them learning something new, something I was told not to expect at this point. I see Maddy trying to walk. She is 10 months old and if you correct for her age, she is 7 months old (the doctor said that I could even allow her an extra month because she had surgery at one week old and you have to add in recovery time?) So anyway, she is trying to walk. She is up on her feet all day, holding on to furniture and moving around holding on to different things. Last night she pulled up on me while I was laying on the floor and once she was up she let go. She stood there for a second and then fell down. I thought it was just a fluke thing and didn't think about it to much, when a few minutes later, she was up and let go again. Wow! I wasn't even expecting them to really be good crawlers at age one. I guess I was hoping, but figured it would be okay if they didn't start pulling up and stuff till they were a year and a half or so.

Morgan is crawling all over the place and while physically she has always been a few days or weeks behind Maddy, she seems to progress from one step to the other faster. Sunday she was belly crawling mostly and occasionally getting up on her knees and rocking back and forth. Yesterday she got up on her knees and crawled into the kitchen right behind Maddy, and Maddy is fast people. Morgan went from barely crawling to power crawling almost overnight. I think she will be pulling up by the end of the week if we continue at this rate. She is already reaching her hands out to try and grab something to pull up on.

And while I am so amazed and so happy, there are other things, seemingly little thing that are bothering me. Maybe they are nothing, maybe I am worrying too much. Here are some of them. Especially if you are a preemie parent, please take a minute and give me your opinion. If it is something that you think I should be worrying about, tell me. I am not just looking for someone to allay my fears (though that would be nice too) I am mostly looking to see if other preemie parents have been through these same challenges with their little ones. Here goes:

1. Maddy and Morgan have no teeth.
They act like they are teething, you know, drooling and chewing on everything, but still no signs of teeth. I don't see any white bumps along the gum lines and I do think I feel teeth but I don't know. The girls are 10 1/2 months old and not a single tooth. The other night I dreamed Maddy had one tooth up top and I started crying because I thought she was growing up too fast. I am happy to still have my gummy girls but I just don't know if they should in fact have teeth yet and if they should what should I do? Take them to the dentist or what? What age do preemies usually get teeth?
Worry rating: 2 out of 10 (10 being a major concern)

2. Morgan is still not sitting.
The physical therapist says she has some high muscle tone issues and it took her a while to lose some of her newborn reflexes. I have been working with her everyday, helping her to learn to sit down. I will stand her in front of me and then gently guide her down into a sitting position. She tends to keep her legs stiff and at first would rather fall straight back, than bend her knees and sit comfortably. She is getting better at this and last night sat in the sink on a sponge without falling over. What age do preemies start sitting? Did any other preemies out there have this kind of trouble at first?
Worry rating: 6

3. Neither of my children like textured foods.
This morning I put a tiny bit of banana in their mouths and both choked and gagged to the point that William and I had to get them out of their highchairs and beat on their backs. They don't like anything lumpy. I gave Maddy a french fry the other day and she liked that, but never swallowed it. She just sucked the potato out of it and then dropped it. They are on stage 2 baby food and I bought stage 3 but they won't eat it. They gag and make faces till I sweep it out of their mouths. Do all baby's do this at first? Is this a sign that they might have a texture or feeding aversion? Should I call the speech therapist back?
Worry rating: 5-6

4. Morgan coughs if she cries.
She doesn't seem sick but she gets out of breath sometimes when she gets upset. She has always been a panter and both girls have been diagnosed with BPD or Chronic Lung Disease, but we have never seen anything to worry about with their breathing. Now all of the sudden, Morgan is panting and coughing when she cries. I cough when I laugh. Is this just something that some people do when they get really upset? Could it be baby asthma or something to do with her lungs?
Worry rating: 4

5. Maddy turns blue.
Not when she is crying or eating or anything like that. She just turns blue when she is naked. If she gets the smallest chill she turns into a blueberry or sometimes a raspberry. During the winter I just thought her hands and feet were blue because she was cold because it was cold outside and she was so little. But now it is spring/summer and like 90 degrees outside and 78 in the house and she is still turning blue, outside and inside. One good thing is that her lips don't turn blue, so I don't think it is a lack of oxygen thing. I asked her PT about it and she said it is something to watch and could indicate a heart valve problem? WHAT, HELLO who do I need to see? But then I talked to one of Aubree's NICU nurses last weekend when Aubree turned a little blue in the feet and she said it is a very common preemie thing that she should outgrow by the time she is two. She said that if it was a heart thing we would already see other signs of it and we would know that by now. So ... I don't know what to think about that.
Worry rating: 5

Okay so now you see what a crazy loon I am. My worry ratings are not super high for any of these concerns. I imagine that if they were, I wouldn't be asking you, but instead would have already made an appointment at the doctor's office. I guess I just want to hear if other mom's have noticed similar things with their little bundles or if I am alone out here in hypochondria world! What do you think? :)

Thanks for being a good friend to me! I appreciate all of you and appreciate having other moms to connect with, other people to share all the ups and downs! Thanks for your time and friendship! :)

--- Quick Note ---
I have been having problems with Blogger the last two days. I am able to pull up the pages in my links section but I am not able to post comments. I try to and occasionally get one through, but usually it just says "Error: Page not Found". Please know that if we are blog buddies, I am still reading your pages and will continue to try to comment. I am thinking of you. I emailed a bunch of you and have had several people email me back and say that you too are having the same problems. If you want to send me your email address I will comment to you directly if I can't get it to post. My email address is: mandygal2004@aol.com or if you want to comment about this post and can't get blogger to work just shoot me an email. Thanks for your patience and your continued friendship. Who could ask for better? ... not me.

Good Days!

2006-06-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't been in the mood to write very much the last few days. I guess I have just been so tired from all the running around I have done. Starting last Thursday when Beth delivered Aubree, the girls were mostly with Brigitta, our sitter or with friends and family. Maddy was very clingy when we would come home and didn't want to even play on the floor like she usually does. She would just sit at my feet and cry, whenever I would attempt to spend any time online. Now that things are settling down a bit, I am trying to get back into our usual routine.

Yesterday my dad came to see us. He played on the floor with the girls forever. They had such a good time crawling over him. You would think he was a baby jungle gym. It was nice to see them having such a good time.

Since the girls were born, my dad has been a constant fixture in our lives. He visits with us almost every weekend and the girls are getting really used to having him around. Morgan is a PawPaw's girl. She loves running her fingers through his beard when she is sleepy. Yesterday the girls were playing with Pawpaw and they started babbling and cooing. Dad interpreted. He said that they were saying they wanted him to take them to Wal-Mart to buy toys. I laughed and totally agreed. I packed them up and off we went. He bought them a Baby Einstein Turtle Teether, a Soft Snail Rattle, a Little Tikes mini keyboard, and a Playskool Step Start Walk n' Ride. He also bought them some diapers.

The Playskool Step Start Walk n' Ride is too cool. If you fold it one way it is a walker. If you fold it down it is a little car they can ride. It was just too cute. Here are some pictures of Maddy playing with it. She really likes it a lot. I wish it had breaks on it though as it rolls forward quite fast and she isn't quite ready to walk that fast yet. I am hoping that this toy will help her with her walking skills and maybe she will be ready to walk by her birthday. She is so close. My babies are amazing :)

Morgan likes the new toys too, but I think her favorite new toy right now is a green frog that my mom bought her last week. It is so cute. When you shake it, it giggles and talks. She shakes it and then doubles over laughing at it. Fun to watch.

I love my mom and dad. I appreciate their love and support. It can be hard as a family on one income to try to get all the things that the girls need all the time. Diapers are hard enough to afford with two babies, toys come last in the budget. It is such a relief when the girls get something new to play with that makes them happy, that helps them develop creativity and other developmental skills.

Today I got up and ran some errands. I met Melissa for lunch at Applebee's. The food and service was okay. Our waitress was so ditzy. We had a good time though. It is nice to have friends who love us and who are there for us as well. William and I are lucky to have such a strong support system in our lives. We only hope that we are as good to those who love us as they are to us! Well I guess I better get back to playing with my sweet babies. They are into everything these days and can only be contained in the playpen or jumper for short periods. My house is so messy right now. There are shoes on top of the t.v. and toys all over the floor. They are crawling room to room one in front of the other, like follow the leader. This morning they pulled stuff off a low lying shelf. I never did officially baby proof the house but now I wish I had. Now I mostly go around picking things out of the way as we go along. This leads for an incredibly unorganized home. Now where did I put the remote :)

Morgan's Turn ...

2006-06-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

Morgan's turn to show her silly faces! Too funny ...

Prayers for Aubree and Beth!

2006-06-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

Well, little Aubree didn't have a very good day today. She wore herself out some with all the hard work of breathing and needed a little extra assistance. This afternoon the neonatologist decided to give her Surfactant and put her on the vent for the night. This was extremely hard on Beth (and the rest of us). I brought the girls up to the hospital, not knowing they didn't allow children under two in. Luckily Melissa was with me and I was able to leave them in the waiting room and go in and see Beth. When I got in the room I told Beth that they wouldn't allow the girls to in to her room. She just fell apart. She was hurting so bad for little Aubree and had had her heart set on holding Maddy and Morgan. We ended up putting Beth in a wheelchair and all of us went to the lobby. We sat around a small table eating the fast food I brought and Beth held cuddle bunny Morgan. Once she ate she started to feel a little better. So Beth and I went to the NICU to see a sweet girl! She was so laying there with the ventilator hooked up to her and was just as pink and rosy as could be. She looked a lot less labored and peaceful. Aubree's nurse explained Surfactant to us and told us that little Aubree is only on the vent to get the surfactant to move around good throughout her lungs so they will be fully coated. Using the vent is mostly about helping the medicine work. As hard as it is to see her like that, we all realize that it is what is best for her and in the long run it will help her get better faster! Please keep Aubree in your prayers tonight! Please keep Beth in your prayers tonight, she needs comfort and rest, patience and an extra dose of love all headed in her direction. Here are a couple of pictures from the yesterday. I have some from today but I forgot to bring my camera home with me :(

William (Papa) and Tim go to see Aubree for first time in NICU. Awww!

Sunday Morning 6/4/06 UPDATE: Aubree is off the vent! Yay! She is on 10% oxygen via canula and is still doing well with her breathing. Looks like the surfactant did a good job! We are going up there in a little bit to see her. Maybe today Beth will finally get to hold her close (keeping our fingers crossed).

Monday Night 6/5/06 UPDATE: Beth was discharged today from the hospital. Aubree stayed behind in the NICU but is doing well. She is no longer on any oxygen and they increased her feeds. The neonatologist is saying that she will likely come home at the end of next week. Thanks for all of your prayers and well wishes.

My Favorite Blogs and Links!

2006-06-02T23:30:00.000-07:00

Tonya did a post like this not too long ago and I thought since it is Friday and I never seem to have anything to say on the weekends I would just let you know why I love some of these blogs and links, and if you have time you can take a second to check them out!

Our March of Dimes Family Team Page:
If sometime during the year you find that you have a few spare dollars, please consider donating it to the March of Dimes. It doesn't have to be in honor of the girls, but we sure would appreciate it if you did!

Beth's Blog
Beth is . . . if you want to be technical, she is my "daughter in law". Even though I am barely older than her and Tim. Tim is William's son and Maddy and Morgan's half brother (though in heart, he is their WHOLE brother ... The girls were born on his birthday, they are 23 years apart exactly) Beth is more than family, she has fast become one of my best friends. We get along really well.

Family Pictures
This is Beth's online picture album. I have it on my site because it has several pictures of us and Adam. It has some NICU pictures of the girls and soon should have some of them right after they came home. It also has family pictures from events like Easter and the Zoo.

Waiting for Aubree
If you saw yesterday's post, you know that we are no longer waiting. Aubree Elizabeth is here! Start checking next week for new pictures of our precious new family member. I am Adam and Aubree's, Mimi! Don't call me grandma yet, I'm only 27 :)

BHS Class of 1997
This is my graduating class. Really there is no good reason for this to be on my site, other than it makes it easy for me to check it when I need to. Casey, Hilary, and Lizzie P. might like it there since we all graduated together :)

My Crazy Cousin
Newly started and newly added, as in today! This really is my crazy cousin's blog. She is one of the most inventive and creative people I know. I am sure I will get a huge kick out of reading her blog everyday! When we were kids, heck even now, she comes up with some of the funniest, crazy things you will ever hear. Take a second and at least read her profile - it had me doubled over laughing!

Silly Hily
Another cousin! Hilary is very funny and just had a new baby boy, Domenic! She has an older daughter, Mia, too. Reading Hilary's blog is what got me started with my blog. She inspired me with her humorous stories of pregnancy while working. Very entertaining read.

Carrie's Blog
Just added Carrie's blog to my site. This is my cousin as well! Okay I know what you are saying ... "enough with the cousins" but who doesn't have a ton of cousins :) Carrie found me through Hilary's blog (Hilary and Carrie are stepsisters) Carrie's blog is brand new. I added it as soon as I read it so that I would be sure to check it every day when I make rounds. Rounds? Doesn't that sound all official. Us stay at home mom's have to mix things up every once in a while. I just like the way it sounds :)

Casey's Blog
Gotta love Casey! I do! Casey and I graduated from High School together! I honestly had no idea who she was until we connected again on our class website when I posted that I was having twins. Casey also had twin girls - Mercy and Grace - but sadly they were born 17 weeks too soon. When I was on bedrest in the hospital, Casey came to my room to visit and keep me company. She was a pillar of strength and walked me through the tough parts. She has encouraged me and inspired me. She genuinely loves my girls and I genuinely love her angel babies and Gavin!

A Mother's Journal

This is Tonya's blog. She is my blog friend. She was probably the first stranger to post on my blog and we became good friends fast. She used to be the only person I could count on to post a comment on my site and that meant the world to me, still does. I look forward to seeing what she has to say everyday. I love her blog and think she is just the coolest. If blogland was highschool I think Tonya would be the one who everyone wanted to be friends with! She has made a lot of connections and several of my family and friends feel like they know her just from reading her site! She also has all the fun things on her site to do, like random questions everyday, and quizzes, and then and now posts. Tonya is mommy to Randie(gorgeous) who was also a preemie like my girls. We have a lot in common!

Motherhood Isn't for Wimps
Just a site I like to read. It isn't updated everyday but when it is, it makes my day! Very funny read!

Miracle Sarah
Maggie's blog. Mom to preemie Sarah. She always has something nice to say and since she is another preemie mom, we have much in common. It is nice to connect with other parents who have been in your shoes. People who can fully understand some of the harder things you have been through!

Becci's Bedrest and Beyond
Becci is on bedrest with baby Dorothy and is around 25 weeks pregnant now. She has an incompetant cervix and has one angel baby, Kaily Beth, who was sadly lost at four months gestation. Becci is taking us all along for her ride on bedrest. She is sometimes bored but never boring. She keeps us laughing with her antics from the couch. Sometimes she is sad or lonely, which is to be expected when on bedrest - I certainly felt that way at times. She is such a sweet person and we are all looking forward to several more weeks of bedrest for Becci, then a huge celebration when Dorothy gets here and we finally see some pictures of that sweet baby!

Pray for Alicia
Tiny Alicia, still in NICU. Doing very well in NICU but mom and dad (Hechung and Mike) really need all the prayers they can get. Is there a better place to start a prayer chain then the internet, I think not. I really feel for Hechung and Mike. I have walked in those NICU shoes and some of the feelings and things (though unique to them) I feel like I have felt myself. I want to be a support and a friend and I can't wait to see God's answer to all of our prayers when sweet Alicia comes home from the hospital.

Pray for David
I don't remember how I came across this site to begin with, but I took one look at little David and I fell in love. Just something so special about him to me. Maybe it is the fact that he is having tummy troubles similar to what the girls went through. Maybe it is that he is a preemie. I don't know but I started praying and I won't stop praying for this little bug till he is safe at home with his mommy! P.S. I will probaby keep praying even after he comes home :)

Tiny Kingdom
Twin mom I ran across while blog roll hopping. I was on someones site and clicked on a site on their blog roll and from there I clicked on this site because it was under the category of twins. It is hilarious. Anne, the author of the blog, is just to funny and so creative. I read this blog to William sometimes when he gets home from work! Her twin (boys) are school age!

Emma Kirsten
Mommy of four from Canada. We are the same age. I really like Emma. She always has something postive to say and her kids are so cute. I am really new to her blog so I don't have a ton of details to give you. But I will say that I really enjoy reading it. Funny how reading and commenting back and forth can really create fast and close friendships with people you would probably have never met otherwise. We are all so lucky!

All About the Boy
Last but certainly not least, mom Kathy, to preemie Patrick. Ahhh, the adventures of parenting preemies. It is nice that we have all found each other and in some ways created our own network, our own sort of support group to help us vent and encourage and celebrate with one another the milestones our miracle children make. Wanna see a cute baby, check out Patrick!

Well I hope I didn't bore everyone to death. Now I look at this post and realize how long it is! Oh well, I wouldn't delete anything. I want those on my blogroll to know how much I like each of them and how happy I am that we all have a place we can share and learn together. Blogland to me is a place where I come, not only to update friends and family on the girls, but also to reach out for some validation the days when I need it. Encouragement and support on the hard days, and a place for a good laugh or some entertainment everyday. I have never been one of those people who spends countless hours watching t.v. or playing on the internet, but now I can't wait to have a minute of free time to check my site and those on the list above. Love and hugs to you all!

It's A Girl for Beth - Aubree Elizabeth has arrived!

2006-06-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

Yay! We have a new baby to celebrate! Beth gave birth via C-section around 8pm tonight. Aubree Elizabeth was born at 34 weeks gestation weighing 4lb. 8oz. Aubree went straight to NICU after a few kisses from her mommy! She is healthy and breathing well on her own, so far! Doctors said that if she does well all night tonight she may be able to room in with Beth as early as tomorrow. She was grunting a little tonight so they gave her a little oxygen but they said this is completly normal and to be expected. Beth is doing very well, better than I expected really. When we got up to the hospital shortly after the birth she was sitting up in bed, chatting with everyone in the room and complaining of only a little pain! Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers tonight! Yay! We have a new baby!

6/2/06 BABY UPDATE: William and I went up to the hospital this morning and were able to go with Tim and Beth to see Aubree in the NICU. She is so beautiful! 17.5 inches long. She is on 30% oxygen today via canula. Beth said her doctor is planning on keeping her in the hospital till Aubree is ready to go home too. When we went in to see her she was fussing a little but loved hearing her mommy's voice. She is so soft and so little! She looks just like Adam and when she cried she made the exact same pouty face he does. Beth was not able to hold her yet because Aubree is making some grunting noises and sucking in her chest a little when agitated. They want to wait that out before they let her hold her but we are hoping sometime today she will be in mom and dad's arms :) Keep up the prayers, so far so good!

What A Girl Wants!

2006-05-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

What are the things every girly girl loves?

Shoes:

Purses:

Accessories:

The Phone:

Boys:

A Few of My Thoughts ...

2006-05-30T13:45:00.000-07:00

We are having a ROYAL fussy pants day today in this household. The whining is at an ever increasing level and I am feeling like I time warped back to the early days when the girls first came home and Madelynn had bad colic. Today it isn't so much one baby, but both. For instance Morgan cried forever this morning and then I put her down for a nap and Maddy woke up from her three hour nap in a great mood but as soon as she realized I wasn't going to hand over my chicken salad sandwich she started a tantrum and has been going ever since. Combine this with Maddy who is now into everything, especially if it is a cord plugged into an outlet, and I am one worn out mommy. Since today feels like a Monday (because yesterday was the Memorial Day holiday) I figured I would just make it easy on myself and belt out some random musings.

1. It has been really quiet here in blogland. Blogging has taken on this whole new thing for me. I was intending to keep this as a journal and somewhere along the way I changed my mind and started writing more to please an audience. So then when I write something funny and no one comments I feel a sense of dissapointment and even some shame. Like I have emarrassed myself by putting myself out there. I wish more of my family and close friends would take the time to comment or send me an email and say "hi" every now and then. I started this to keep them updated on the girls and now they know everything that is going on with us but I never hear from some them anymore.

2. I have misplaced my journal from the NICU. I was going to look through it and maybe even post some of the things I wrote while there and now I can't find it anywhere. I know it is around the house somewhere but where? I will keep looking.

3. Maddy started really talking up a storm this weekend and she is such a daddy's girl. She has been clinging to him all weekend and today when he left for work she went and sat by the toy box by the front door and said "da da da, my da da da da, daaa eeee" over and over. Later on after her nap she woke up and was in her crib standing up on the side saying "da da da da da" It was so cute.

4. I am not really into controversy. I like things to be even and fair and civil. But have you seen Madonna! Has she gone MAD! I just saw her picture in the new People magazine on a mirrored cross with a crown of thorns on. That is so revolting to me as a Christian! I honestly just find it sad that she would feel the need to do something like that!

5. I sent Maddy to her room just now for the first time ever. She has been whining for an hour at least. She finally broke out in full on tantrum and even as I sat there trying to remedy it with this toy or another bottle of milk, she just kept screaming. I got frustrated with her and just took her to bed. It has been five minutes and I haven't heard a peep from her since I laid her down. I think she is really tired today for whatever reason.

6. Sometimes I want to use my blog to really vent, to just go off and get it all out there, but I can't because I passed my blog address out to everyone I know so they could check on the girls whenever and I don't want to ever hurt someone's feelings if they by chance read my post that day.

7. I still haven’t replaced my cell phone. I decided to wait until the first, to get a new one. I can still check my messages on it though, so if you need to reach me and the home number is busy or William doesn’t answer, just leave me a message on my cell and I will call you back.

8. I wish I could go on a vacation right now. Leave out tonight and be gone to the beach for a week at least. I need some quality time with my family. William was off yesterday, so we had a three day weekend but it wasn’t enough. I just want to get away. Away from this house. Unfortunately we are one) broke and two) William used up the last of his vacation days a couple of months ago when we had that really bad stomach flu.

9. Tonya, my blog friend, is just the best! We post comments on each others sites daily and we email each other too sometimes but I really appreciate her candor and her friendship. I appreciate all of my blog friends. Being a stay at home mom is a great job and I know that if I was working again I would really miss being home with the girls everyday. There is no place on earth I would rather be than with them, but I am SO lonely sometimes. Today is one of those days! It can be so isolating, especially with two children. It is so much work to pack up two babies. It is already so hot now outside and the girls get heavier to lug around everyday. During RSV season we went nowhere with the girls and as soon as spring hit I was so excited about the possibility of getting out more often, but alas, I am still here stuck in this little house. I have tried to take the girls outside at least once a day for fresh air and sanity. It has helped a lot but I really need to connect with other adults. People that I love and that are in my life normally, even William doesn’t understand how isolating it is. Some of the people in my life should make more of an effort I think. I am willing to pack up the kids and pack up the car seats and strollers and meet them wherever whenever but still some of them can‘t find any time to fit us in. They are just too busy. Funny, they weren’t too busy to do lunch or hang out before the girls arrived. And anyway, I don’t think it is the girls that keep them away now. Maybe it is me? Maybe I am boring now or all I have to talk about is the kids? I don’t know, but I really miss it. I miss them. I miss having my own social life. Sorry to rant, thanks to those friends and family members who do make an effort and haven’t forgotten about us in these last few months, you are the best! :)

10. Still no baby, Beth went to the doctor today and he had said if she had dilated anymore or Aubree wasn’t cooperating in any way, we would for sure have us a baby, but Aubree (with her crush on Dr. Gray - see Beth’s blog) is doing well and so we still have no new pics of a baby to post! We are getting closer though and will probably have a new little girl to spoil within the next week! So keep your eyes out for some adorable new baby pics. I have my camera loaded with new batteries and ready to go at a moment’s notice :)

Gotta go let the dog out, cuddle with my Morgan bear and check on Maddy (who is still quietly sleeping since I put her down earlier) There is a bug flying in my face too and it is driving me crazy. Sorry if I ranted more than I raved today. Maybe later I will post some cutie pie pictures I took of the girls and have been saving for you. If you get a second please drop me a line and say “hi”. I could really use the *hugs* today and a caring comment. Not feeling my best obviously!

Looking for a Laugh?

2006-05-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

My intention was to post this on Friday but somehow I got busy with family stuff. So here you go: Looking for a laugh? If so, look no further because this is hilarious! Friday Maddy and Morgan were playing on the floor in our living room and Maddy being that she is learning to pull up, tried to use Morgan's face to push up off of. Morgan was not to happy about this and promptly started screaming. So I separated them and put Maddy in the playpen with some toys and left Morgan on the floor. I was down on the floor playing with Morgan and taking pictures when Maddy started trying to pull up on the sides of the playpen. I snapped a couple of Maddy in her attempts. The funny part is that she is so tiny and can't really get a good reach to the top of the pen so she would reach and fall forward and lean into the mesh. She discovered that the mesh felt funny against her mouth and tounge and kept leaning into it to lick it. It made for some pretty silly faces :) See below:

I usually only post the cutest pictures I've taken of my girls, but these were just too funny to keep to myself! Happy weekend! Happy Memorial Day!

You Tell Me!

2006-05-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

I thought it might be fun to do a comparison post. I found some old baby pictures of me and wanted to see what you thought when you compare my pictures with the girls pictures. Can you see any of me in them? I will try to add a photo or two of William too, but we don't have any of him as a little baby. He was in orphanages and foster care as a child and we don't have very many baby pictures of him.

The above picture is of me at 9 months old. The picture below is from the girls first professional photos taken at the end of March. Isn't it funny how our mouths are all open :)

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The above picture is of me and my Nana. She died two years ago this June and I have missed her everyday since :(
I think I look like Morgan in that picture.

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Above: I think Maddy definitely got my nose and ears. How funny!

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These are of William. Not very good quality so you can't get a good idea. I think overall Madelynn looks the most like her daddy in the face, but Morgan definitely got his ears and nose :)

Please No More DRAMA!

2006-05-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

Okay so if you know me, you probably already know what a dork I am! Wanna hear about the latest dumb thing I've done?

It has just been one of those weeks and I honestly think God has a good sense of humor when it comes to my life.

I'm sure you haven't forgotten the LONG drawn out story of how I couldn't get the new pool put up and how I spent the ENTIRE day trying to get it up on Tuesday right? Well scroll down if you need a refresher or to to see a picture our lovely oasis.

Well, yesterday Beth came over because her mom had a doctor's appointment and didn't want to leave Beth alone way out in the boondocks where she lives with Adam running around. Beth is supposed to be on bed rest as she is now 33 weeks pregnant and having some trouble. So anyway, Tim (William's son, Beth's husband) was at work and her mom, who lives with her, had a dr's appointment, so she brought Beth and Adam to my house. For a while we just played in the floor, me and three babies and Beth lounged on the couch. Then we decided it might be relaxing for all of us to get into the new pool and cool off.

First I stripped Maddy down, changed her into a swim diaper, lathered her up with sunscreen, put her suit on her and placed her to the side. Then I repeated these same steps with Adam and then again with Morgan. Then I changed into my suit and some swim shorts, grabbed a bunch of towels, my phone, and some water toys. I took Beth and Adam out first and helped them into the pool. Then I went back inside and got Maddy and Morgan. Beth brought her DVD video camera over and wanted me to take some video of the fun. I turned some switches and thought I had the camera on and started recording. I recorded for a while before I realized I hadn't really turned the camera on. By this point Maddy was trying to eat the grass and Morgan who I had layed on the ground was starting to fuss. So I turned the camera on for real, took about 15 seconds worth of video and put it down. Grabbed my kids and climbed into the pool. It was really nice. I bought this cute little float and I put Maddy in it. She liked being able to put her feet on the bottom of the pool and get around. It acted as a walker type of contraption. I held on to Morgan. At some point Beth took Morgan and Maddy was floating beside her. So as we sat there talking and having a nice relaxing time watching the kids play in the water, I felt something against my leg. I thought it was just another water toy floating by but when I reached down to grab it I realized it was in my pocket. "OHHHHHH NOOOOO!" I said. "OOOOHHHHH NOOOO" I cried out. By this point Beth was freaking out thinking somebody was coming up behind her with an ax. I reached in my pocket and pulled out my cell phone. I held it up to show her. In the display part there was a line of water sloshing around.

Now this bright idea to get the girls a pool to play in for the summer has turned my life upside down. I NEED my phone. I mean we have a phone line in the house but I mainly use it for our dial up internet. I can't leave the computer on and the internet up all day like I usually do without having my cell phone available. No one calls our home number, I don't even think people know that number. Well if you need to get ahold of me in the next couple of days, you will have to call my home number or leave me a message on my old phone and let me call you back.

I am hoping to have a new phone by tomorrow or Saturday. So just email me if you need the number to use in the meantime.

I am so crazy. I am starting to think this swimming pool idea was not the brightest one I've ever had. I was smart in school. I made good grades, but ever since I had the girls I can't concentrate anymore and I make silly mistakes here and there all the time. I joke that they must have removed half of my brain with my C-Section. I hope I get it all figured out sooner rather than later.

Madelynn Grace - Then and Now

2006-05-24T11:24:00.000-07:00

On Tonya's blog she asked everyone to do a Then and Now Post. Here is mine:

THEN:

Maddy was 2 weeks old in this picture. She had just had surgery on her intestines and had a colostomy bag. She weighed 1lb. 8oz. at this time.

This was the first time I ever held her in my arms.
She was almost a month old in this picture.

NOW:

Morgan Gabrielle - Then and Now

2006-05-24T10:41:00.000-07:00

THEN:
Morgan was 2 weeks old in this picture and weighed 1lb. 9oz.
She also had just had surgery on her intestines and had a colostomy bag.

The first time I ever held Morgan she was 5 weeks old.
Look at how tiny she is here. She was so light that I remember that it felt
like I was mostly holding blankets.
NOW:

What a Day!

2006-05-23T16:50:00.000-07:00

Okay so we all remember the wonderful photos and moments from Saturday. Lazing the day away in our brand spankin new NEON orange baby pool, that William bought. Oh those were the days, right? Well here is THAT pool today.
If you look closely you can see that my three ring pool is really a two ring pool. The top ring busted after only two, count them, two uses! Yep. I was sorely dissapointed in it.

So what is any good mommy to do? Go buy another, sturdier, Bigger, better, pool right? Right! This time I went ahead and spent a little more money on a pool that we all could fit in and that looked like it would hold up for more than two uses. In fact, my mom once had a pool exactly like this in her backyard that lasted us an entire summer.

Okay, so here is why I am just now posting for the day and it is 7:19pm. I spent the entire, THE ENTIRE, day putting this pool together. When I got home from Walmart I handed the quite heavy box to William and instructed him to go blow the thing up with his air compressy thing. My plan was to have him blow it up and then after he left for work at 11am I could fill it up with water and it would bake in the hot sun all day. Then the water would be the perfect temperature for two babies and one mommy this afternoon.

Well after like two minutes William comes back inside and says the compressor thingy won't fit the holes on the side of the pool and he had to get ready for work and I would have to just wait till tomorrow when I could go back to Walmart and buy an air pump for it, unless I wanted to try to blow the thing up by mouth? He was in a less than friendly mood because he was running behind in getting ready for work and it was really hot outside. I got the quick impression that he just wasn't really in the mood to help me with my BIG dilema for the day!

So after I helped him finish getting ready for work and kissed him goodbye, I put the girls down for their morning nap and headed outside to survey the damage. The first thing I noticed was that their were four holes! Two large ones about the size of cap on a coke bottle and two small normal ones with the plug thingy, you know just like the regular things you blow something up with. So I brought out his air compressor. Hooked it up to the extention cord and sat on the ground ready to figure this all out. The sun was beating down hard. It was hot and my eyes felt like they were cooking. The whole pool was layed out neatly (I had done that before he left for work) I found three coke bottle looking caps and figured that those must be needed to plug the big holes to use the little holes. I figured William hadn't see the little holes because they were sort of hiding. This must be why he said our compressor wouldn't work, right? SO, I put the caps on the big holes, there were three caps, one for a spare I guessed? I put the compressor valve in the first little hole, plugged the second hole and went inside.

I checked on the thing off an on for the next THREE hours and it still wasn't blowing up correctly. So I sat back down in the grass and pulled apart the layers to see what was going on. When I did this I saw a third coke bottle hole and third small hole. Duh! No wonder the thing wouldn't blow up. It was leaking all the air I was putting in out of the third big whole. Maybe by now in my LONG story I have lost you. Here is a picture I took after I finally got it blown up. You can see the six holes here:

So I after I plugged this hole, I went back inside and waited a while longer. Brigitta and her sister Linnea showed up to visit the girls and I went back outside to see what was up with the pool. Mind you it was now 3pm. I went out the back door and there sat my uninflated huge swimming pool. The compressor was humming and pumping but it made no difference, for whatever reason the stupid thing was NOT blowing it up. I guess William had been right after all and this pool was going to require a different kind of air pump. WHY hadn't I just listened to him to begin with? I asked Brigitta if she would watch the girls for a little while while I ran to my mom's house to borrow her air pump that she uses when camping. She said sure, so off I went.

When I got back, I plugged up my mom's pump and stuck it in the hole and viola the whole stupid pool puffed up with air in like two minutes flat. The WHOLE POOL WAS INFLATED IN TWO MINUTES WITH MY MOM'S PUMP! TWO MINUTES! TWO! I had spent FOUR hours trying to do it with William's pump and it took TWO MINUTES with her pump! I was kicking myself for not having gone over there to get it to begin with.

Okay so this is only HALF of my story. Time is 330pm. If you will remember I wanted to put water in the pool in the morning so that the water could heat up over the course of the day. Yesterday Maddy and I got in the orange pool and she turned blue because the water was freezing from the spicket. Now it was 3:30pm and the sun had already gone over the spot of the pool and the shade had set in. Being that we had spent so much time working on this stupid pool AND that I was wringing wet from being outside in the heat I was determined that Maddy and Morgan and I would get in the pool THIS afternoon. Since I couldn't count on the sun to warm the water I had to improvise.

I called William at work and asked him how to syphon warm water from the tub to the pool out back. He said it would be easier to use the kitchen sink and go out the back door and down into the pool. I being clever like I am didn't listen to the part about going out the back door. So instead we stuck one end of the hose in the kitchen sink and the other out the kitchen window and into the pool. Brigitta and Linnea helped me. Brigitta went outside to suck on the end of the hose and Linnea stayed at the sink holding the hose under. We tried and we tried and no matter what we really did, nothing worked long enough to fill up the pool. I called William back after about an hour of trying dilligently to get the water from sink to pool. His first question was "Do you have it going out the back door?" "No" I said "it's going out the window" "You have to use gravity to syphon water Mandy" he said "OH" I said. I informed the girls in our change of plans. We switched the hose around and ran it out the back door and voila it worked! The water started running from sink to pool ... ever so slowly.

Let's just say that TODAY was an adventure. I learned a valuable lesson: Sometimes William is smarter than me and I should listen to him. Sometimes it is okay to not be so stubborn and try to do everything MY way! By the time we got the water in the pool to a usable level, the wind was blowing and it was just too cold to get in the pool and play. I wasn't hot anymore but I was extremely tired from the whole ordeal. What a waste of time. I could have just filled the pool up with the hose the regular way, waited till tomorrow for the sun to heat up the water and avoided all that extra work.

Oh well, we had fun laughing at Brigitta's blue lips from sucking on the end of the hose. We had fun laughing at ourselves trying to figure it all out. In the end it all worked out just fine, but lets just say that if this pool busts tomorrow the girls will NOT be getting a new pool anytime soon :)

Here is a picture of our new oasis! Lovely isn't it? Can't wait to get in it ... tomorrow :)

Update on Morgan

2006-05-22T17:25:00.000-07:00

So far she is doing well. She hasn't had a fever today but we have been giving her Tylenol every four hours religiously. William stayed home today with us just in case she needed to go to the doctor, but we didn't end up taking her.

Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. I will let you know if anything changes :)

Four Things ...

2006-05-22T16:56:00.001-07:00

I got this quiz from Casey's blog. Tonya has done it as well. So I will give it a go. I am tired tonight so I don't know if my answers will even make sense.

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Optical Technician at JC Penney Optical
2. Nanny
3. Placement Assistant at Youth Villages
4. Title Clerk for TruGreen Chemlawn (Service Master)

Movies I would watch over & over:
1. How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days
2. Gone with the Wind (reminds me of my Nana)
3. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
4. ?

Places I have lived:
1. Bartlett, TN
2. Owensboro, KY
3. Atlanta, GA
4. Bristol, TN

Four tv shows I love to watch:
1. Top Chef
2. Project Runway
3. The Apprentice
4. MythBusters

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Destin, FL
2. Gatlinburg, TN
3. Cozumel, Mexico (on a cruise)
4. Orlando, FL

Four websites I visit daily:
1. I visit all of the blogs in my link section daily
2. BabyCenter.com (but not daily)
3. Walgreens and Target.com (visit regularly to shop or order pictures)
4. Pogo.com (William and I play games on this site regularly. I like ShuffleBump)

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Right Now I have a thing for Taco Bell soft tacos - don't ask me why?
2. McDonald's Ice Cream
3. Doritos Salsa Chips
4. Funyons

Four places I would Rather be right now:
1. Deep asleep. I am really tired tonight.
2. Destin on the beach with William, the girls, my mom and Scott. Fun!
3. In a big swimming pool, warm enough that girls could get in too!
4. With my extended family. I really like it when the whole family gets together.

Four songs that make me cry:
I won't be able to think of four but,
1. I Will Be Here - by Steven Curtis Chapman - usually a wedding song but I sing it to the girls all the time and I think it applies.

After you've read this delete my answers and fill in your own.

Poor Baby :(

2006-05-21T15:26:00.000-07:00

Morgan woke up in the middle of the night with a fever of 101.5. We started giving her Tylenol. She got much better throughout the day and had no more fever, so we skipped her last dose because she was napping. William just brought her to me and she is red hot with fever again. Her temp is 101.4 now. The strange thing is she has no other symptoms. She isn't coughing, no runny nose, both girls have had one "loose" diaper today but that isn't entirely abnormal. I don't know if she is sick from the cold that I have had or something else. I just hate this for her. :(

Please keep Morgan in your thoughts and prayers tonight. Hopefully she will get better with just the tylenol. If not we will probably go to the doctor's office tomorrow.

Splish Splash in The Baby Pool

2006-05-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

Today we decided to grill out hotdogs and blow up the baby pool. When the girls woke up from their naps, we put them in their swimsuits and took them outside for a swim. They had a blast. Maddy even crawled around in the pool and sat against the side without support. We were really nervous that she would go under but she did well. William had to finally get in the pool with Morgan. She just isn't strong enough yet to hold herself up like that, but regardless she still had a fabulous time. Now both girls are worn out and are ready for another nap :) Here are some pictures from their adventures!

I had already put this post on the blog and I was sitting here at the computer admiring what perfect babies I have and I started thinking about when they were born. I think the second day they were here I went up to Morgan in her warming bed and watched her laying there so tiny and sick. I leaned over to her and I promised her that one day she would come home with me and she would sleep in a big fluffy crib and in the summertime I would by her a big kiddie pool and we would play and splash to her hearts content. I also promised her a pony, but don't remind her of that one. Now looking at these pictures I realize our dreams are fullfilled. We did it. We are home, we are safe, we can be together all the time now. Wow! What an amazing feeling. Being their mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me! I am so greatful to God for this chance, what more is there to say!

Photos on Friday

2006-05-19T14:46:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures I took today of the girls. Sometimes when I get my camera out, I don't realize how many pictures I am actually taking until I load them onto the computer. There were so many cute ones from today that I figured I would post some of them here and tell you what everyone was up to when I took them ;)

Maddy and Morgan today after nap time. Morgan says "Oh, Hi mommy!"

"Can we get up and go play now?"

Maddy chewing on her fingers while intently watching the BackYardigans.
Morgan sees a toy she wants and goes for it!

Jenny, sitting by the door, watches the girls play!

Just for Fun!

2006-05-18T16:23:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of questions I found on someone's random site. Thought I would answer them for fun since I don't have anything else to write about today. Then if you read these and are a regular blogger then answer them on your site too. Tonya, Maggie, Beth, Casey, ect. only if you want to of course!

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4.
The nearest book was King Long Shanks by Jane Yolen. Line 4 says "And then they smiled simultaneously and at the same time." This is a children's book Charla brought over for me to read to the girls.

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.& catch air?
No I caught the back of my cell phone cover. My phone is dead AGAIN and the battery is charging.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
I watched Sponge Bob this morning with William and Maddy. The last program I really paid any attention to was Top Chef last night on Bravo.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is?
6:10

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
6:34 p.m. (I looked not to long ago, so this was kinda cheating)

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My dog snoring, traffic from the road. The girls are taking a nap :)

7.When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
This morning I went to get groceries at Walmart.

8.Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
On the computer? Um the site where I found these questions. And all the other blogs in my link section. I check those daily.

9.What are you wearing?
Green tshirt and shorts

10.When did you last laugh?
Probably when I was on the phone with Drew. I can't remember. If not then, then probably yesterday maybe.

11.What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Pictures and a mirror. I'm in my living room.

12.Seen anything weird lately?
Not really. I was trying to think of something really funny to put on here, but I am drawing a blank.

13.What do you think of this quiz?
I didn't read it before I started it and so now I am thinking I live quite a boring life.

14.What is the last film you saw?
Derailed. It was pretty good. I didn't think I was going to like it, but it was pretty good. And even though I kinda figured it out before the end, I still liked it. We rented it on Pay-per view, we had a free coupon.

15. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
William would say an island. I guess I would just buy a house with a swimming pool and lots of land for my family to live on.

16.Tell me something about you that I don't know.
That is hard. Some of you know me really well and some of my blog friends don't know me personally at all. Ummm ... I am an only child. Wow, I am pretty much an open book to my family, so it is hard trying to think of something to tell them that they might not already know. I am afraid of the dark and can't watch scary movies because I get to wrapped up in them, no matter how absurd, and then I can't sleep for days. My immediate family still makes fun of me because "Signs" scared me so bad I wouldn't go outside at night for about a month (we do live on a farm people :)

17.If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I would eliminate ALL crime.

18.Do you like to Dance
Yeah, if I am at home cleaning or with the girls alone. Not in public, too much stuff jiggles these days. Have you seen that jello - jiggle when you wiggle commercial, yep that's what I mean.

19. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
My first children were girls: Madelynn Grace and Morgan Gabrielle

20. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Carter

21.Would you ever consider living abroad?
Probably not, unless it was a tropical island that was safe from Tsunami's and Hurricanes.

22.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Welcome, My good and faithful servant!

Let me know if you post this on your site and I will be sure to read your answers :)

Rambling On ...

2006-05-17T16:05:00.000-07:00

Wow. I seemed to have stirred quite a lot of people with the last post. I will try to keep it calmer tonight :)

Today I went over to Beth's house to take care of her and Adam. See Beth's Blog in my links section. I posted on her website for her since she is technically supposed to be IN the bed. (She is sneaky and gets up and down some) I left the girls home with Brigitta our babysitter. She is great! She is very responsible and seems to be really fond of both girls. I feel comfortable leaving them for a few hours with her.

I still feel pretty crummy today. My nose is running less but my head is still full and the dizziness is making me slightly nauseated. I skipped the DayQuil today though as I didn't want that drugged feeling to occur since I knew I would be driving.

There's really not that much to post about. Maddy is getting really good at sitting up on her own and is even so talented now that she is able to throw a full on tantrum while still sitting.

Oh, I know what I can tell you. This morning, Maddy was pulling up on the armoir in the living room. William was in the room with her and Morgan and I was ... I was in the other room I guess. Anyway, she fell and bonked her little head on the door of it and now has a little bruise on her forehead. This is her first bruise caused by falling. Her first bruise at all, if you don't count the ones the IV's made in NICU. William and I both felt bad. He reminded me that there will be plenty more over the years as she learns to walk and run, ect. I know, I know. But it really hurt my spirit that my little moo had a bruise on her perfect little head. I gave her some tylenol and then I held a cold teether to her head in hopes of keeping it from swelling. She is fine now.

Don't you hate how your fingers get orange when you eat cheetos! I hate that. Why do they have to be that orange color anyway.

Well I guess I will go now. Since my baby is pitching a fit and I have orange cheeto dust all over me. Till tomorrow ...

Stop Playing Favorites

2006-05-16T14:26:00.000-07:00

What a smart baby!

I always feel like when I say one is smart I have to say the other is smart in the same sentence. I mean I think they are both brilliant, but why do I feel compelled to say it at the same time? I want to be fair? Or is it that I'm afraid if I mention one is smart or beautiful or ect that you might think that I favor that child and don't feel the same way about the other. Well, whatever. They are both smart and perfect and beautiful to me!

Maddy is now officially sitting up by herself. She goes from laying to sitting up to crawling. She is getting faster and faster every day. Morgan is crawling all over the place and although she is not quite doing the same physical feats Maddy is, she is doing better with her verbal and fine motor. Maddy is brave. She sees something she wants across the room and she is off like a rocket towards it. Morgan, on the other hand, thinks things through. She contemplates how to get there before going for it. It will be interesting to see if these patterns remain the same as they grow up.

I think sometimes people, even close family and friends, want to compare the girls. I think they pick one or the other and it has a tendency to come across as favor of one over the other. Usually this favor lies with Morgan. Since Morgan is the cuddlier baby, she is still a baby baby and she is typically quieter than Maddy, I think people tend to want to bond with her more. Maddy is always moving. She only cuddles when she is sleepy and usually that is reserved for me or William. She whines more and her cry (as I have described before) grates on your nerves more. Here below are some examples of comments I have heard in relation to my girls:

Not to long ago we went to a family dinner. One of the family members was standing around wanting to hold one of the babies. I really didn't want her to have the babies at all, but she was hovering. Over the course of the afternoon she ended up with Maddy. It was hot inside the house because there were so many people there. I went outside with Morgan to sit on the porch. This family member came out of the house and looking over at Morgan made this comment: "I don't like THIS ONE (meaning Maddy), I want to hold THAT one." Those were her exact words people. I went inside, got William and made him come get Maddy. I am pretty sure she didn't even know their names. Why else call them "this and that"

This isn't the only time comments have been made.
Another family member mentioned while holding Maddy, "Oh, I KNOW which one this one is" At the time Maddy was fussing.

One of our therapist calls Maddy "Meanie Weanie" and another calls her "Wild Woman"

I'm not mad at anyone about this, I just think its kind of unfair to start labeling my children now. Who knows if Maddy will grow up to be "impulsive" or "dramatic" I am seriously afraid that if this child grows up being seen as the "bad one" or any other labels that people want to come up with, she will have low self esteem. I don't want that for her or for Morgan. I want them to both feel completely loved, equally by ALL the people in their lives, especially their family. I want her to feel nurtured and appreciated and I want to let them become whatever it is in life that brings them happiness and fullfillment. She is a baby people! I truly believe that if they were not twins, I wouldn't hear half of the comments that I do. People would automatically think every new thing they do is just magnificent, and personality wise there would be nothing to comment on because there would be nothing to compare them to.

Anyway, I will get off my soap box now. I don't know where all this came from anyway, I was planning on writing about how yucky I feel today and how I didn't really feel like writing. I went through my recent pictures and was planning to put a one liner up and post a picture. And this is what I got instead.

I'm delusional from DayQuil (which did in fact make me drowsy and a little sick to my stomach) So just ignore my rantings. A blog is a place to rave and RANT sometimes right? So there ya go! See you tomorrow with something happier hopefully :)