Looking So Cute!

This morning Melissa and I decided to take the girls and go to Old Time Pottery. They were having a big sale and we both wanted a few things we had seen in the ad papers. Since it is such a nice cool day here today (in the 80's) we put the girls in their new jeans that Pawpaw bought them this past weekend. They were so cute I couldn't help snapping a bunch of pictures!

Here we are getting ready to go out!

Yay! We're going for a ride. All strapped in :)

Home again and getting ready for a nap!
See my two teeth? One is really showing up now!

Like my lovely updo?

Maddy Grace looking so cute!

If I give a big smile, maybe I can get out of taking my nap?

Keeping My Word

Where are the cutie pie pictures I promised you, you ask? Well let me tell you about my week so far.

Monday I tried, really I did! I tried to go to blogger to post those promised pics but for some reason the internet wouldn't even take me to the blogger website. I tried again and again to no avail. Finally I gave up for Monday.

Tuesday I was able to get to my blog page and even to the create screen. I uploaded two pictures that I wanted to show you and even managed to get them on there with cute captions for each but .... when I went to post, blogger said that there was a technical error with my HTML code and since I couldn't for the life of me figure out what they were talking about. I hadn't messed with the code at all ... I gave up for Tuesday.

Today is Wednesday and I am here. See I am really here! And when you hear about my night you will be SO PROUD of me. I just know it. You see Maddy and Morgan have come down sick. Remember that nasty cold/flu that I had two weeks ago, well they have it now. Not to be too graphic but we are in full on sucking snot mode here. I called the ped. yesterday because only Morgan was sick. I told the nurse that she had a goopy runny nose and a wet cough. No fever, no other strange symptoms, the nurse told me to give her yellow triaminic. I had already been giving her Benadryl with some relief and tylenol just to prevent fever. But the nurse wanted me to just give her the Triaminic instead.

So last night William and I loaded the girls up and went to Walmart. I bought the Tropical Yellow Triaminic which listed a decongestant and sudafed like ingredient. We came home and gave the girls the Triaminic. It was about 10pm then. At 2am we finally were all asleep in our bed. I was sitting up against the headboard with Morgan asleep on my shoulder. If I relaxed at all and slid down in the bed she would start hacking and choking on the goop. We finally dozed off around 2am. William was holding Maddy because by that point she too was sounding rough and running like a faucet. At 3:33am. I woke up to two very sick babies. No one in the bed was getting any rest and no one could relax. I was drifting in and out of uncomfortable sleep and was seriously annoyed that I couldn't sleep for consecutive amounts of time. So I got up and got out the phone book. I swear it took me six calls to find a stupid 24 hour Walgreens that actually had a 24 hour Pharmacy. Isn't that the point of Walgreens, to be a pharmacy, especially an after hours pharmacy? The only one I reached a live pharmacist at was in the worst area of town but I was so glad to be talking to a human that I could've cared less. I asked the lady if I could give the kids triaminic and benadryl and she said that was fine. So I gave the girls both Benadryl. Needless to say we were ALL awake by this point and the girls were still feeling puny. We ended up staying up till about 6:45 when we all went back to our big bed and tried the sleep thing again. At some point William put Maddy in her crib and we all slept till about 9am. The phone woke us up.
How many hours of scattered sleep did I actually get? Not quite 4!

So aren't you proud that I am even on here? That I am even forming hopefully coherent sentences? I made the girls a bottle earlier and instead of putting the cap on it I kept trying to put the lid to the formula on top of it. Melissa was here and she was like "Um, Mandy, I don't think that is going to fit?"

I am tired to say the least and the girls are not :) They are still sick and Morgan is so pitiful that when I attempt to put her in her crib she just pitches the biggest fit and then that leads to gobs of goop on her face and choking and then in the end I go get her up and hold her.

Some updates I was wanting to tell you about.

Maddy is walking now. I mean not just taking steps but actually walking from one object to another. I was laying on the couch yesterday watching t.v. and she walked right across in front of me. I swear it took me several split seconds to even wrap my mind around what I was seeing. Since then she has been casually walking from object to object in the room as if it were something she'd been doing for months. I noticed that if the objects are too far apart she will start out walking but them stumble a little and crawl the rest of the way. But the big deal is that her confidence is up enough that she starts out walking without any prompting from us.

Morgan's second tooth is breaking through the skin today. So I am counting it as today and am going to fill in her baby book today. She is no longer only a one tooth wonder kid :) Morgan is talking up a storm now. She says "Mama" and "Daddy" and all versions of that. She has started saying "No" and "Yes" and "Hi, pronounced 'I'" and "Hey, prounounced 'A'" and sometimes "Bye" Also Morgan stood up on Monday. During her physical therapy they got her to stand in the middle of the room without propping or supporting on anything. This was the first time she has ever done that. We were so proud.

I am going to attempt to post some pictures now. Hopefully it will work. Here goes:

Morgan stands at couch during therapy - (last week)

(this week)


Maddy and Morgan during PT this past week.
Will perform for bubbles!


Maddy shows off her new fall clothes for the camera.
Doesn't she look all grown up in jeans :)

Long Time No See? Lots to Talk About

Well it seems like forever since I updated my blog. I know a lot of my readers probably thought I was never going to come back. But alas, I am here.

I had the flu for about a week and a half and it felt like it sucked the life right out of me. I was too tired to even move very much and so I skipped my daily visits to the computer desk. I just mostly layed out on the couch and watched the girls play in the floor. I did only the basics.

The girls amazingly haven't been sick or shown any signs of getting the flu, so that is really good. They have been just growing and playing to their little hearts content.

Maddy is still taking steps toward me and she is spending most of her time standing around the room playing with one toy or another without holding on to anything. I think as her confidence increases we will see her walking more and more.

Morgan has been pulling up on all the furniture and cruising around like a pro. Her PT is so amazed at how fast she seemed to pick up on the cruising. Just two weeks ago we were having to manually move her foot over the other one to show her how to move up and down the sofa and now she is like lightening. She is still doing her head "ticking" but the more I watch her do it the less concerned I am that it is anything more than a comfort mannerism. I seriously doubt it is mild seizures like some have speculated.

I went to the OBGYN today because I have been having "problems" again. If you know me, you are very familiar with my "problems". I have been battling them for eight years now. I saw the doctor who delivered the girls. She isn't my regular doctor and I am not all that fond of her really. She has a tendency to ask you a question and then cut you off three words into it, plus she explains nothing to you. I always leave feeling confused and ignored when I see her. Hence the reason she is not my regular doctor.

I had to be worked in today because my "problems" where leaving me feeling dizzy and weak and I was worried that I was heading in the direction of needing another blood transfusion or sixth D&C. I was half right. My blood count was lower than it should be but not at the critical point that I would need an emergency transfusion or surgery. That was a relief because when I called the nurse she told me not to eat or drink anything till I came in and I was scared they were going to want to do another D&C. She gave me some STRONG medicine that basically stopped the "problems" in a matter of three hours tonight. So I am already starting to feel more like myself again. I am just still fairly fatigued and achy.

Anyway, the doctor said that really I need to decide if I want to go ahead with a hysterectomy. She said that she wanted me to talk to William about it and call back next week to talk with my regular doctor about it. I knew this is what she was going to say, so I am not sure why I am so totally bummed out about it? She did say I could try the Depo Provera shot and that it might, MIGHT give me a three month reprieve to decide what I wanted to do long term. I kept trying to tell her that William and I hadn't really completely decided whether or not we were done having kids.

If it were up to William he would for sure say we were done. But then there is this longing in me to have one more. But I am just not sure where it is coming from? Is it because I feel short changed out of the normal pregnancy/delivery/rooming in process that I experienced with the girls? Is it because I want to have one more to snuggle and cuddle later on and breast feed and really slow down and enjoy? Is it because I don't feel like our family is complete? I don't think it is the last one, because I really do feel a sense of completion with just having the girls. I just don't know. I just don't feel like I am completely ready to have no more chances, no more daydreams about another baby. I don't feel ready to know for sure that there will NEVER be another little one to cherish and snuggle and raise and play with, no younger sibling for the girls to be excited about. I just don't feel ready to make those life long permanent choices. I feel pressured into it.

But really, when I lay it all out on the table, I can't imagine really wanting to take the risk of having another one. I mean I had a transverse C-Section with the girls, so that means I am at increased risk of having my uterus rupture with another pregnancy. I automatically will have to have a scheduled C-Section. I will have to be on bed rest for a longer period because of my water breaking so early with the girls. I am at increased risk of having another premature baby and honestly I can't imagine watching another child struggle through that, what if it didn't turn out as well the next time. I would feel eternally guilty and selfish. If I did have a premature baby that had lifelong problems, that would affect the girls lives in some very negative ways. And God forbid the child not survive, we would be forever changed and heartbroken.

I wonder if all mothers who have extremely premature children worry and wonder about having another after that experience. I think if the girls weren't here, if I had had a miscarriage with them or if they hadn't survived their battles with their prematurity, I don't think it would even be a question as to whether or not to try again. I think I would instinctively try and try again until I had that baby or babies in my arms for keeps. But now that I am blessed with two perfect wonderful little miracle girls, I have to consider them when I consider the risks.

Probably sounds like an easy decision to everyone out there in blogland and to my family for that matter, but to me it is just a pull at your heart, never can go back, lifechanging decision. I have always felt it was unfair to have to be deciding these things so young.

I don't know what I will ultimately decide and really the decision is up to me first and then to William and I as a family. It is my body and my life and I will have to do what I feel is right in my heart for the long term. For right now I think William and I have decided it would be best to try the shot and see if it will give us a few more months to settle all of it in my heart for good.

I can say that I do believe that God is in control of my life and that if I trust in Him all things will work out according to His plan for my life. I do believe that if I am not supposed to have another child, then I won't. Either I won't get pregnant at all or I won't be able to or maybe I will end up having a hysterectomy and then I won't have any more. I just need some time to mull it all over and pray about it, then hopefully I will know the right decision for us and I will be able to feel comfortable with it in my heart.

I am going to do my best to update at least every couple of days now that I am feeling better. So check back throughout the next week and I will post some cute pictures I have taken over the last couple of weeks and haven't been able to post yet :) Thanks for caring about us and for sticking with me :)

Under the Weather

I am still sick! I am suspecting that I have the flu on top of a head cold or something like that. Could be a sinus infection and ear infection. My ears are popping regularly and I am dizzy when I stand from the fluid in them. I am, to say the least, pretty miserable and today marks a full week that I have been under the weather. I plan on going to the doc tomorrow if I don't feel any better by then.

I haven't felt like blogging. I have barely felt like getting out of the bed and moving to the couch, but since William has been working LOOONNNGGG hours everyday this week I have had to at least make the attempt to get to the couch and let the girls play on the floor in front of me. Maddy isn't really feeling great either. Neither baby came down with the suspected stomach bug that Aubree had but something is definately up with Maddy. She is clingy as ever, I mean to the point of clutching my shirt and crying if I even step over the baby gate to go to the bathroom. She is sleeping a lot and when up she mostly wants me to hold her and she lays her head on my chest or shoulder. She is drooling a lot so I am hoping it is teething but I am worried she is getting this junk that I've got.

A few things that have happened this week. Morgan cut her first tooth yesterday. She is so cute. She keeps sticking her tongue out to feel it and so she looks like a lizard. :) She also is doing really good with our new PT. On Monday the therapist got her to cruise the furniture for the first time and she has been doing it ever since. She also stood up against the couch without holding on for a while while the PT let her pop bubbles.

Maddy is still taking steps to walk. She is more and more confident with her newfound freedom and is regularly standing in the middle of the room without holding on to anything around her. She will pull up on something and then let go and stand there for a really long time. Today Melissa came by and was on the floor feeding the girls some bananas and Maddy just stood in the floor and ate. I am really excited about her starting to walk. I am proud of her and it feels good to know that the gap between her corrected age and her chronological age is beginning to close.

Morgan has an appointment with a neurologist on September 22nd. I hate that the appointment is so far away but that was the first one available. I am ready to get that over with.

Well back to the couch. Just this little bit of typing has my head pounding. When I get to feeling better I will catch up on all my blog reading and commenting and I hopefully will get back in the swing of things here and start posting daily again.

Quick Update and Exciting News!

Sorry for the lack of updates. We have had a CRAZY week here. Morgan is still thankfully fine. We are now 100% sure it was the thickener that she choked on and we have at least temporarily quit using it, till we can find a better solution.

Tim and Beth, Adam and Aubree, have been staying at our house all week. They are having some car troubles and Tim started a new job at the same place William works so they have been here so that William can take him to and from work everyday. Aubree came down with a stomach virus (confirmed by the emergency visit to the pediatrician this morning) yesterday and tonight Morgan and Maddy are starting to display the same exact signs of it :) Yeah for us.

On top of all of that. I have a terrible head cold. The left side of my head is full of yucky icky stuff and my nose is running. My head hurts, my eyeballs are pounding and my throat feels like someone took a razor blade to it.

So I guess that is enough excuses as to why I haven't felt up to blogging this week. Hopefully we will all be back to top form next week and I can get back to my normal routine. :) Thanks for all the well wishes regarding Morgan. She is doing great with her eating again.

Oh my gosh. I can't believe I almost forgot to tell you something really big and exciting. Are you ready?





Yesterday ...





Maddy Moo ...





Started Walking!!!!!





She took two steps without holding onto anything. Beth and I screamed so loud and excitedly that she sat down startled. We scared her. But when William got home from work she showed her daddy that she could do it. He was so proud, but he didn't scream like I did :)

A VERY Scary Day

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting at the computer chatting with Kathy from All About the Boy, when my phone rang. It was Beth and we got to talking about just everyday normal stuff. I was trying to concentrate on both conversations but was having a hard time because I heard Morgan fussing from her crib. I had put her to bed about thirty minutes prior with a bottle that she had almost finished it.

I heard her fussing and figured she had emptied it as usual and wanted another one. So I asked Kathy to hold on a second while I went to make one for her. I moseyed into the kitchen to make a bottle all the while chatting with Beth on the phone. When I had it in hand and all shook up I headed to the girls room. Morgan was standing up facing out of her crib and was crying or really she was screaming. I layed her down and tried to give her the new bottle but she wouldn't suck on it at all. So I figured she was too upset to eat and I picked her up to comfort her.

When I lifted her up out of the crib I realized she was choking. She was screaming out but then her chest would tighten in my hands and she would look panicky at me like she couldn't breathe. I scanned her crib and the only thing odd in it was a Tigger stuffed animal that had curly cue hair. I immediately assumed she had gotten some of the fuzz down her throat and was struggling to breathe around it. Beth was still on the phone but at this point it was laying on the floor. I turned Morgan over my forearm, head down and started pounding on her back to try and dislodge whatever she was choking on. It didn't work. I turned her back over and swept her throat and nothing came out and she was still choking. I carried her and the cell phone to the living room and tried to pound on her again. Nothing.

I was starting to panic. She stopped screaming but was still grunting in between long pauses of nothing. I hung up on Beth and called 911!

ME: "My baby is choking" I said as fast as I could. "Hurry, please somebody, please hurry"

The lady got my address and directions and then put me through to a dispatcher.

DISPATCHER: "M'ame is your baby concious."
ME: "Yes, but she is struggling to breathe. She isn't getting any deep breaths in and she is going pale"
DISPATCHER: "Okay "M'ame. ... M'ame ... Hello? Are you still there"
ME: "yeeeeesss" I cried between sobs
DISPATCHER: "M'ame, I need you to calm down... Hello? What is your name"
ME: sobbing almost uncontrollably. Still pounding and trying to coax her to breathe. "Mandy" I said. Subconciously I realized she was trying to get me to calm down.
DISPATCHER: "We are going to have to try the hymilech, okay? You ready?"

Click. My cell phone died.

I was online when all of this happened and the reason I called 911 from it was because I couldn't get stupid AOL to disconnect fast enough to get a dial tone to use the home phone. By this point the home phone was back to working so I called back to 911. They put me straight through to the same dispatcher and as she said "Mandy?" The police showed up at the door. I threw the phone still online with 911 on top of the t.v. and never went back to hang it up.

I somehow managed to put Jenny behind a pet gate and let the guy in. Though by this point I was shaking so bad I thought I was going to throw up. Morgan was looking bad and fast. Right behind him were the firemen and the ambulance. About ten people in all piled into my living room. A lady took Morgan from me and said "We are taking her right now to LeBonheur. She isn't breathing well, she has to get to the hospital" I had to use the bathroom immediately so I ran in there, greatful that someone else more qualified was there to save my child should she pass out. The paramedics hollered from the living room "Do you have a carseat?" "Are you hear alone" "No" I called out, "her twin is in the baby bed sleeping in their room" "Can you drive?" "Is your car unlocked?" I got out of the bathroom and they had already taken Morgan to the ambulance and a fireman was at my car yanking the carseats and bases to the carseats out of my car. Both of them.

I grabbed Maddy, the cell, my purse and keys, amazingly, the cell phone charger, and a diaper bag that was thankfully already packed. I had that bottle I had made for Morgan in my hand so I chunked that in the car seat with Maddy. The fireman had to put the carseat base back in my car. He had no idea what he was doing. But we got her in and me in the car. The paramedics did not want me to try and follow them to the hospital because they were going to go fast and were afraid I would wreck if I went through a red light with them.

They told me to head on up there they were going to be several minutes getting her situated and secure in the ambulance. I asked how long and they said there was time enough to run two miles up the road and pick up William. I called on the way. He was waiting on me in the parking lot. I burst out in tears when I saw him and so he got behind the wheel and I moved to the passenger seat. He went crazy! He peeled out of his work parking lot and then out onto the road like a physcho teenage driver. I started screaming at him, while crying, and I think I slapped his arm very hard. "Maddy is in the car. You are going to kill us or someone else. Pleease slow down, pleeasse" He didn't realize Maddy was in the car and had been so worried about Morgan he was practically running off the road. He immediately slowed down and started driving like my grandfather on Sunday.

When we got to the hospital he dropped me off and went to park. I came in to see my child slumped over in her car seat. Nurses all around and an oxygen mask on her face, IV in her arm. I panicked again. The EMT reassured me that once they got some 100% oxygen on her she calmed down and fell asleep. They said her lungs sounded very crackily and bad. They took us to a room with a curtain. The nurse listened to her and said she was improving. Within a few minutes her lungs sounded clear. They were all shocked.

The doctors came and went, asked questions, and eventually sent us for a chest xray. The xray came back fine. They said her lungs still look bad from the Chronic Lung Disease she had from NICU but there was no difference today than before. They saw nothing foreign anywhere in her airway or lungs. The suspicion quickly became that either A) She refluxed some on that little left in her bottle and choked on it or B) She swallowed a small lump of unmixed thickener and it got stuck in her throat and choked her but eventually dissolved. Eventually B) was the reason they settled on because there was nothing on the xray so whatever choked her must have dissolved and even if she had refluxed they would see trace amounts in her lungs.

The doctor wanted her to eat some and if she didn't choke they would release us to go home. But ... Morgan refused to eat. She wouldn't take her bottle of milk, or pedialyte with popcicle mixed in. She fussed and clamped her mouth shut and wouldn't eat. We speculated that it was too loud and distracting in the ER for her to settle down to eat. So they sent us to a room that was quiet and dark ... still nothing. This went on for hours. Eventually the doctor called our peditrician and they agreed that the best course of action was to admit her for observation for 23 hours. Let her get to a quiet room, away from people and see if she would eat. They were concerned that since she hadn't eaten since the bottle around 2:30 at home she might dehydrate and we would end up right back where we started, new IV and all.

So about midnight we went to a room on the fifth floor. We got settled and they brought out the artillary to try to get her to eat. NOTHING. She wanted nothing to do with it. We figured she was exhausted so we went to bed to let her sleep and maybe eat when she woke up. This morning she still wanted nothing to do with the bottle. We started guessing that she didn't like the taste of the premade formula or the feel of the bottle. We cut her nipple to allow for easier flow. We stopped putting thickener in her milk and juice. William went home and got her powder formula and we made it just like home. We tried apple juice. We tried the bottle with her nipple. We tried their bottle and latex nipple. We tried a sippy cup. Nothing. She was not going to eat. Finally someone thought to bring in some pudding. We broke open the pudding and she started eating from the spoon. She finished off the entire cup of pudding. Then I tried feeding her her formula from a spoon and wahhlaahhh, she was eating her milk from a spoon.

We guessed that it must be an aversion to the bottle. To the idea of sucking. Poor baby was traumatized from choking. The attending doctor finally came around and was satisfied that she would at least take something. Something that would be liquidy and hydrating to her. So we were discharged with the intent to feed her anything and everything she would eat and just let her take her time coming back around to her bottle. He said the worry long term is about calories, but short term, as in the next few days it is just to keep her from being dehydrated and having to come back to the ER.

So we are home. Yay! Safe and sound. She has eaten some baby food tonight and William said she finally drank a little milk when left alone in her bed to play with it. Of course now, everytime we hear any noise from her room we run. I am super paranoid now about her eating and the stupid thickener. William has been straining her formula to make sure there are no lumps at all. I am sad for her that she had to endure such a trauma. And I feel terribly guilty that I didn't rush right to her crib the first time I heard her fussing.

I seriously just thought that she wanted a second bottle. That is kind of a usual request for nap time, so I just assumed that was the case this time. How lucky I am that I went to make the bottle. There have been times when the girls have been put down for a nap and have not been 100% ready to sleep. Sometimes they will stand in their crib and fuss for me to come back and get them. I oftentimes let them fuss a few minutes because they usually calm down and go to sleep without intervention from me. I've found that if fighting sleep, I come in the room, the screaming and whining just escalates. So I feel so lucky that I went in there at all because what if she had stood there choking and then passed out in her crib. I could have sat here in the living room feeling completely victorious that she had fallen asleep and instead my sweet baby could have been fighting for her very life.

I am just so greatful and thankful that everything turned out fine and we are all better now, if not just a lot shaken up. It will probably take a while before I feel confident again as a mommy, but that is to be expected. I love my girls so much and honestly I don't think I could go on living even one day if they were not here with me. They are truly the best thing that has ever happened in my life.

Big Gulp!

So the other night, William and I decided to put the girls in the big tub to bathe together. Since Morgan is doing so fabulous with her sitting, we thought they would be ready for it. We filled the tub with about an inch of water and threw in a slew of toys and two little girls. They weren't scared at all. They were having a blast. William turned the faucet on to see how they would react to the falling water. Morgan wasn't so sure about it so she moved to the other end of the tub, but I wouldn't say she was scared or bothered by it. Maddy was having so much fun putting this and that toy in her mouth. I was trying to wash their hair as they crawled around in the tub. As one would pass by I would scrub a little and then they would move away. It was so much fun and felt a lot more like playtime than the chore that bathtime can sometimes be.

Here's the funny part. We have this cup in our tub that we use for pouring. We were using it to pour water over their backs when they passed by but somehow Maddy got ahold of it. It had some water in it and she proceeded to pick it up and drink from it, like a big girl. She of course choked on the water because it was too much for her and she is used to us controlling the amount of water we give her from our glasses, so she wasn't expecting that much to come out. William had to get her out of the tub to help her and she turned all red. But she made the funniest face after that drink. It was like it was so satisfying in some ways and it was so shocking to her in others. It was just so cute. We managed to snap the following picture and don't they always say, "A picture is worth a thousand words" :)

So Proud

Look at Morgan! Isn't she doing so great with her sitting? I am just so proud of her.

This is her in her first pair of blue jeans, ever. They got these for their birthday and they are still WAY to big, but I think they will grow into them by fall. These are a 6-9 month size.

So sweet! She's doing so good that she's even able to sit up in the bathtub!
Just thought you all might like to celebrate her amazing accomplishments with us!
Tomorrow I have something really cute to post about Maddy Moo.