Never Again

This morning I had to take Morgan to the hospital to have a "Modified Barium Swallow Study" done.

Why: Because Morgan has a tendency to swallow her food or juice and choke on it. This could cause her to get pneumonia by asphyxiation, according to her speech therapist.

What it is: They feed Morgan some formula, juice, and food with Barium while taking an Xray of her throat to see if she swallows it down funny. I was told by the speech therapist that this would be a pain free procedure and they would basically put Morgan in a bouncy seat and I would feed her some of her favorite foods while the technicians or doctor watched her swallow it.
What it turned out to be was a nightmare, my heartbreak. They strapped her down from head to toe on a hard board. Her head was in a foam like vice with velcro holding it down and then her body was mummy wrapped from shoulders to toes against the same board. Then we waited for the doctor to show up. It was like ten minutes before he came in the room and it felt like an eternity. The whole time we were waiting Morgan was screaming. She didn't like being held down and she was scared. I was breathing slowly for fear that I might start crying myself. Several times I had to will myself still for fear that I might rip her off the board and take her home without the xray being done.

When the doctor finally came in the xray started and they tried feeding her juice mixed with water and white chalky barium. She hated it. She drank enough for them to see that she was swallowing it funny but then clearing her own throat and making it go down the correct way. They stood the board straight up and fed her baby food while her feet dangled. She was uncomfortable and looked just pitiful strapped down like that. The nurse then decided that she wanted her tested for Reflux and so they lay her back down and tried to give her the rest of the juice mixture. She wasn't having it and started coughing and choking on it. They rolled her to her side and tried to feed it to her again. She didn't want it. All the while she is fussing and crying and coughing. Finally when it was over we took her off the board and she looked up at me as if to say "Why mommy".

I took her to Papaws to pick up Maddy and by the time she saw her sister she seemed fine, playing and rolling all over the place. I think that this experience may have been more traumatic for me. By the time we got to Papaw's Morgan didn't even seem to realize anything had happened to her. Other than being exhausted from her crying spell she was acting normal and happy. I was relieved to see this.

In the end, I am just glad it is all over with. The speech therapist mentioned her possibly needing a follow up at a later date to see if she is still doing the same thing she is now. They can forget it. You couldn't pay me enough to subject her to that again. Even though it is over and she doesn't seem to remember it, I am not going to do that again, ever. Period.