Maddy and Morgan were tagged by Tonya's darling girl, Randie. So I will try best to get them to answer but I can't guarantee that every one of their answers isn't dadada or hiiiiiii (the "h" is silent) :)
3 Nicknames:
Maddy Moo or Moo Moo - Maddy
Morgan Bear
Honeybunny - Both and William too :)
3 People That Make Us Laugh:
Daaaddaaada
Mama
My Hippo Stuffed Animal - Morgan
3 Things We Love:
Bathtime
Our new Leap Frog Learning Table
Anything we shouldn't have, i.e. waterbottles, cell phone, cords, remote control
3 Things We Hate:
Getting dressed - Maddy
Getting my face cleaned after eating - Maddy
the new vacuum cleaner
3 Things We Don't Understand:
Why we can't eat the same food as Mommy and Daddy
Why we're not allowed to play with cords
Why we can't share a bottle anymore :(
3 Things On Our Floor:
Winne the Pooh Rug
Stuffed Animals
Books we pulled off the shelf this morning
3 Things We're Doing Right Now:
Fighting over a toy
Talking to each other in baby talk
Crawling around each other
3 Things We Can Do:
Pull up on anything and everything
Cruise the furniture - Maddy can stand up in the middle of the floor too
Share with one another (only when we want too though)
3 Things We Cannot Do (yet):
Walk
Dress myself
Use a potty
3 Ways to Describe Our Personality:
Happy and Loving
Determined - Maddy
Usually Easy Going - Morgan
3 Absolute Favorite Foods:
Tomato Beef Dinner
Banana Yogurt
Graham Crackers
3 Foods We do NOT like:
Stage 3 Baby Food
Not a huge fan of peaches - Maddy
Papaya - we like it just fine but mommy can't stand the smell of it
3 Beverages We Drink Regularly:
Formula
Juice
Sometimes water - rarely though
3 Shows We Watch:
The BackYardigans
Blue Clues or Sesame Street
Praise Baby videos
Monday, July 31, 2006
Friday, July 28, 2006
Birthday Pictures
Okay, okay. Almost a week later and I am just getting the pictures up from the party. Bad mommy! I really did try several times and blogger wouldn't let me. But I also was semi-lazy about it and just kept putting it off. Well with no further a'diou, here they are!
Lots of great people came to celebrate the girls first birthday.
On the Left: Aunt Ali
On the Right: The Hurt Triplets. Our pals from the NICU. Marty and Christy, Hayden, Hana Beth, and Hadley pose with me and William and the girls.
Left: Morgan and Maddy open up presents. Yay! The Leap Start Learning Table from Charla. They just love it. I would highly recommend this toy!
Right: Mommy and Daddy help open more exciting presents :)
Our Happy Birthday Cake!
It was strawberry filling on the inside, yummy!
Maddy digging in to her very own miniture cake.
She took the subtle approach!
But still ended up covered in icing! Priceless
Morgan went in for the good stuff. She just put her whole face in the cake.
Why waste icing on your fingers :)
This is super yummy mom!
Look at all their loot. I couldn't fit the clothes and all of this in the same picture. But they got a ton of cute fall clothes too. They got their first ever pair of blue jeans. Makes me wish fall would hury up and get here.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Not My Best Day
I am stressed out! I am tired! I feel beaten down, although there is nothing really to explain why I still feel this way. I am frustrated. I'm not in a bad mood. I'm just mostly worn out and a touch of sad.
This morning I took Morgan to LeBonheur for her second swallow study. After the last study at Baptist, I'd sworn to myself and everyone else in blogland that there was no way I would repeat a swallow study because of how traumatic and exhausting it had been on us. They had strapped Morgan from forehead to toes to a wooden board, layed her flat on her back on a table and proceeded to feed her chalky barium in water while laying down. She was hysterical, I was on the verge myself. While I felt that the actual procedure was done poorly, I was relieved to find that there was really nothing wrong with Morgan's swallowing and I could continue on with what we had been doing.
Today was much different. Today we went to LeBonheur and it was not at all an unpleasant experience. A Speech Pathologist student came out to the waiting room and we talked for a while about Morgan's first test and how I felt about it all. I explained what had happened and how I had felt then. She assured me that the way this hospital conducted these studies was nothing like the Baptist experience. We were taken into a x-ray room where they put Morgan in a foam chair much like a high chair and she had one strap across her lap. She was more facinated with the belt then bothered by it. Much to my chagrin she kept trying to stick the end of it in her mouth to taste the velcro (ewww-germs). We didn't have to wait long on the doctor to come in, he was pleasant. The barium was flavored, apple I think, and Morgan enjoyed the taste of it. We had to pry the bottle from her hands because she liked it so much. The unpleasant part came at the end, when the speech pathologists came out to give us the results. Turns out, Morgan is actually aspirating some of the fluids in trace amounts down her windpipe. She cleared them out on her own and that was a very good thing. Long story short, because I have already answered several calls today and repeated this story over and over, she is now diagnosed with dysphagia and they want us to use a thickener in all her liquids and to thicken her pureed baby foods to a honey consistency.
Why does this bother me? Before I went I had suspected that this is what they would tell me she needed. Am I just tired from the anxiety of going? Am I just exhausted with the idea of adding one more process to a laundry list of parental duties for my two preemies? Am I concerned and depressed because of the long talking to I had with the pathologist about the seriousness and cause of this problem? In short, yes, yes, yes, and yes. The pathologist said that her problems could be caused by the low trunk muscle tone. It could be that her nerves in her throat aren't sensitive enough to trigger the correct swallowing response. It could be that she has CP and this is stemming from that. It could just be that she was so premature and lots of premature babies have this problem. Though the pathologist did say she doesn't see a lot of kids with what Morgan was doing. I honestly think it was the mention of CP that just set me into a tailspin today.
Here is what I am feeling. In the end, whatever is wrong with Morgan (hopefully, prayerfully nothing at all) William and I are so blessed she is here. We love her. We will raise her to be a strong little girl, then a woman, no matter what. We will teach her she is perfect and beautiful and God made her the way she is for a very important reason. Nothing can change my opinion on these things.
However, I still feel complete sadness at the thought that my sweet baby could have any major challenges in life. I know, I know, all kids have their own sets of challenges, and I know things could always be different or worse in many ways. But that doesn't stop me from worrying or feeling sad. I tear up thinking about the possibility of her having any kind of life long problems. If it is CP, will she walk funny? Will she be made fun of by the other kids? Will she feel like she got the short end of the stick because she is different from everyone else? Who knows. I know lots of kids have disabilities. I know that they are miracles and special and there is nothing less about them then the other children, if anything they are more special and beautiful. But I can't imagine any parent, any mother, not feeling deep sadness and that sick in the pit of your stomach feeling at the idea that your baby will have more struggles than the kid down the road.
I just wanted to be closer to the end of these problems stemming from the prematurity. They just turned one and I thought we were catching up, and we are. I know, I know. I just feel like we are on the cusp of dealing with new problems instead of finishing up our worrying over the same old problems. Does that make sense?
I am sick of talking about it. So I guess I will quit. Maybe a good night sleep will help me feel better. Less gray and dreary. I will try to get those dern pictures of the party up tomorrow. I didn't even try today. Didn't really have time. So I will try tomorrow.
This morning I took Morgan to LeBonheur for her second swallow study. After the last study at Baptist, I'd sworn to myself and everyone else in blogland that there was no way I would repeat a swallow study because of how traumatic and exhausting it had been on us. They had strapped Morgan from forehead to toes to a wooden board, layed her flat on her back on a table and proceeded to feed her chalky barium in water while laying down. She was hysterical, I was on the verge myself. While I felt that the actual procedure was done poorly, I was relieved to find that there was really nothing wrong with Morgan's swallowing and I could continue on with what we had been doing.
Today was much different. Today we went to LeBonheur and it was not at all an unpleasant experience. A Speech Pathologist student came out to the waiting room and we talked for a while about Morgan's first test and how I felt about it all. I explained what had happened and how I had felt then. She assured me that the way this hospital conducted these studies was nothing like the Baptist experience. We were taken into a x-ray room where they put Morgan in a foam chair much like a high chair and she had one strap across her lap. She was more facinated with the belt then bothered by it. Much to my chagrin she kept trying to stick the end of it in her mouth to taste the velcro (ewww-germs). We didn't have to wait long on the doctor to come in, he was pleasant. The barium was flavored, apple I think, and Morgan enjoyed the taste of it. We had to pry the bottle from her hands because she liked it so much. The unpleasant part came at the end, when the speech pathologists came out to give us the results. Turns out, Morgan is actually aspirating some of the fluids in trace amounts down her windpipe. She cleared them out on her own and that was a very good thing. Long story short, because I have already answered several calls today and repeated this story over and over, she is now diagnosed with dysphagia and they want us to use a thickener in all her liquids and to thicken her pureed baby foods to a honey consistency.
Why does this bother me? Before I went I had suspected that this is what they would tell me she needed. Am I just tired from the anxiety of going? Am I just exhausted with the idea of adding one more process to a laundry list of parental duties for my two preemies? Am I concerned and depressed because of the long talking to I had with the pathologist about the seriousness and cause of this problem? In short, yes, yes, yes, and yes. The pathologist said that her problems could be caused by the low trunk muscle tone. It could be that her nerves in her throat aren't sensitive enough to trigger the correct swallowing response. It could be that she has CP and this is stemming from that. It could just be that she was so premature and lots of premature babies have this problem. Though the pathologist did say she doesn't see a lot of kids with what Morgan was doing. I honestly think it was the mention of CP that just set me into a tailspin today.
Here is what I am feeling. In the end, whatever is wrong with Morgan (hopefully, prayerfully nothing at all) William and I are so blessed she is here. We love her. We will raise her to be a strong little girl, then a woman, no matter what. We will teach her she is perfect and beautiful and God made her the way she is for a very important reason. Nothing can change my opinion on these things.
However, I still feel complete sadness at the thought that my sweet baby could have any major challenges in life. I know, I know, all kids have their own sets of challenges, and I know things could always be different or worse in many ways. But that doesn't stop me from worrying or feeling sad. I tear up thinking about the possibility of her having any kind of life long problems. If it is CP, will she walk funny? Will she be made fun of by the other kids? Will she feel like she got the short end of the stick because she is different from everyone else? Who knows. I know lots of kids have disabilities. I know that they are miracles and special and there is nothing less about them then the other children, if anything they are more special and beautiful. But I can't imagine any parent, any mother, not feeling deep sadness and that sick in the pit of your stomach feeling at the idea that your baby will have more struggles than the kid down the road.
I just wanted to be closer to the end of these problems stemming from the prematurity. They just turned one and I thought we were catching up, and we are. I know, I know. I just feel like we are on the cusp of dealing with new problems instead of finishing up our worrying over the same old problems. Does that make sense?
I am sick of talking about it. So I guess I will quit. Maybe a good night sleep will help me feel better. Less gray and dreary. I will try to get those dern pictures of the party up tomorrow. I didn't even try today. Didn't really have time. So I will try tomorrow.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Just a Few Thoughts for Tuesday
1. I can't get blogger to upload any photos. What a bummer! I was all excited about posting the birthday pictures and a few more of the girls playing with all their new toys but I can't get it to work. It says "Server Not Found" every time I try to upload a photo. Any one else having problems like this?
2. I have to take Morgan for a second swallow study tomorrow morning. I swore that there was nothing on earth that could make me take her again, but here I am doing it. The OT convinced me and our pediatrician that it was really necessary for her to have a second one done. Since the first one was done so poorly, she felt we should go to a different hospital and have this one done. They have assured me that this time Morgan will not be strapped down to a board and it will hopefully not be as traumatic as the last time.
3. Maddy has a second tooth. It broke through her gums on Friday. They turn one and all the sudden their all grown up.
4. BIG HUGE EXCITING NEWS!!!!! Morgan finally sat up yesterday. I mean, she has been sitting propped for a while. She just has such low muscle tone in her back that she wasn't able to sit up without leaning forward on her arms. This was one of the main concerns of our PT and one of the main reasons they were suspecting cerebral palsy. But yesterday she started sitting straight up and playing with toys with both hands. Today she has been sitting all day. I took some pictures and will try to upload them as soon as blogger will let me!
5. The girls have been fussy all day today. I think they are still trying to catch their breath from this weekend. It was so full and busy and they didn't have a nap at all on Saturday (not that I didn't try to get them one in) and then Sunday we played hard all day with toys and yesterday William stayed home because I was so exhuasted and I hurt my back lifting stuff Saturday. So today is the first day back in our normal routine and they are just so fussy. They took a two hour nap earlier this morning and I just layed them down to see if they will rest a little more.
2. I have to take Morgan for a second swallow study tomorrow morning. I swore that there was nothing on earth that could make me take her again, but here I am doing it. The OT convinced me and our pediatrician that it was really necessary for her to have a second one done. Since the first one was done so poorly, she felt we should go to a different hospital and have this one done. They have assured me that this time Morgan will not be strapped down to a board and it will hopefully not be as traumatic as the last time.
3. Maddy has a second tooth. It broke through her gums on Friday. They turn one and all the sudden their all grown up.
4. BIG HUGE EXCITING NEWS!!!!! Morgan finally sat up yesterday. I mean, she has been sitting propped for a while. She just has such low muscle tone in her back that she wasn't able to sit up without leaning forward on her arms. This was one of the main concerns of our PT and one of the main reasons they were suspecting cerebral palsy. But yesterday she started sitting straight up and playing with toys with both hands. Today she has been sitting all day. I took some pictures and will try to upload them as soon as blogger will let me!
5. The girls have been fussy all day today. I think they are still trying to catch their breath from this weekend. It was so full and busy and they didn't have a nap at all on Saturday (not that I didn't try to get them one in) and then Sunday we played hard all day with toys and yesterday William stayed home because I was so exhuasted and I hurt my back lifting stuff Saturday. So today is the first day back in our normal routine and they are just so fussy. They took a two hour nap earlier this morning and I just layed them down to see if they will rest a little more.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
A Great First Birthday Celebration
Happy Happy Happy! Well the girls had a great birthday. It was such a fun day and we were just overwhelmed with how much love and support we were all flooded with yesterday. The girls woke up bright eyed around 6:30am and we sang Happy Birthday to them as we went in to get them out of their cribs. They were in a great mood. William fed them breakfast and then I took a bath with them so we could get them dressed for their special day! I couldn't help but remember how different our lives were one year ago. After we all got ready and dressed, I had to run a few last minute errands and then we headed over to the party room. While Melissa and I got everything decorated and set up, William took the girls swimming and Tim and Beth swam with Adam (Aubree napped in the Pack N Play). Everyone started to show up right on time at 3pm. It was so much fun. There were a ton of people there and Maddy and Morgan loved being the center of attention. Our NICU friends Marty and Christy drove two hours with their triplets to come to the party. It was so great to finally see them and get together again. All five babies had a blast crawling around after each other and then after we opened the girls gifts and they "ate" cake we took them all for a dunk in the pool. We didn't get home until after 10pm last night and it took three cars to bring all their "loot" back to the house. My mom teased me that we didn't have enough house for all the toys and gifts they got. It is true. I opened all their presents this morning and layed them out in the living room for the girls to explore. It took up almost all of the floor space. They played and played with each toy and now they are passed out in their beds exhausted from all that fun :)
Thanks for all the thoughts and well wishes toward our miracle babies! We love and appreciate you all :)
Thanks for all the thoughts and well wishes toward our miracle babies! We love and appreciate you all :)
Friday, July 21, 2006
Tomorrow's the Day!
Tomorrow is the BIG day!Thanks Tonya for making us this wonderful Birthday Signature!
We really LOVE it!!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Sneaky Sneaky
We are in full on count down to party mode here in our household. There are little packages of bubbles wrapped in hot pink tulle and there are purple spools of ribbon lying on the table. Their are wrapping paper rolls hiked up in the corners and cups and plates packed in a box to take with us on Saturday.
I finally managed to get all the girls presents wrapped for Saturday. I wrapped them and put them in places that I thought the girls could not really get into, that or wouldn't really notice. Last night I came around the corner to find this:
and this:
You can tell they knew they weren't supposed to be doing it. Morgan was the lookout, while Maddy tried to get the paper off. Sneaky sneaky birthday girls are already trying to peek into their birthday gifts. I hope they show this much enthusiasm at the party.
I finally managed to get all the girls presents wrapped for Saturday. I wrapped them and put them in places that I thought the girls could not really get into, that or wouldn't really notice. Last night I came around the corner to find this:
and this:
You can tell they knew they weren't supposed to be doing it. Morgan was the lookout, while Maddy tried to get the paper off. Sneaky sneaky birthday girls are already trying to peek into their birthday gifts. I hope they show this much enthusiasm at the party.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Here Ye, Here Ye ...
Breaking News Everybody!
Maddy has a tooth :) Maddy's first tooth finally arrived today!
Her baby book has a page for teeth and I promptly got it out to fill in that she does in fact have one tooth. It also has a spot that says "I had (blank) teeth on my first birthday" I thought I was going to have to put in a "0" but now I know I at least get to fill in a "1". We are SO excited here and she keeps giving us dirty looks for sticking our fingers in her mouth to feel it one more time.
Oh the joys of parenthood.
Maddy has a tooth :) Maddy's first tooth finally arrived today!
Her baby book has a page for teeth and I promptly got it out to fill in that she does in fact have one tooth. It also has a spot that says "I had (blank) teeth on my first birthday" I thought I was going to have to put in a "0" but now I know I at least get to fill in a "1". We are SO excited here and she keeps giving us dirty looks for sticking our fingers in her mouth to feel it one more time.
Oh the joys of parenthood.
Reminiscing
My sweet birthday bunnies will be one this week. I am so excited that it is finally here, even though I am a bit sad and nostalgic about all that has transpired over this last year.
William made a joke this weekend. I said "I can't believe the girls are going to be one in a week" and he said "I know! It seems like just nine months ago we were bringing them home from the hospital", Haha. "It was, just nine months ago!" I said laughing at him. But all joking aside, it has been the best twelve months of my life. I have loved them from the very second I knew they existed, deep deep wells of love.
I think I am going to be bold and share a few entries in my NICU journal.
The first one is dated August 2nd. It is the first time I recorded anything on paper about how I was feeling regarding the girls birth. So here goes:
"It's 3:15am and I am laying in a foldout chair behind Maddy's crib at LeBonheur NICU. My babies are eleven days old today and we have been up up up on a roller coaster and way back down again. Friday, Morgan's x-ray showed air in her belly, which indicated a perforation in her intestines. She was flown by helicopter to LeBonheur from Baptist. Her surgery was nerve wracking for me, but everything went very well.
Saturday was a pretty good day as Morgan began to wake up from anesthesia a little. Then Sunday when we got to Baptist to see Maddy, she was showing signs of a perforation too. We ended up repeating Friday- this time with Maddy. Now both girls are in the NICU at LeBonheur in side-by-side rooms.
William is asleep behind Morgan's bed and I am staying behind Maddy. Tonight our nurse is Linda and she is wonderful. She let me kiss Morgan on the forehead and that is her very first kiss! Linda has been running back and forth between babies all night which is probably a foreshadowing of my future.
I love them so so much. Who knew that love could feel this way? So full and almost overwhelming. I know my girls are a miracle from God and the He has amazing plans for them both."
August 4th, 2005
"William dropped me off this morning at the hospital. He has to work so much and it is so hard right now because we really need each other!"
August 7th, 2005 10:50am
"Today is Sunday. William and I are at the hospital with the girls. When the nurses told us that the NICU would be a roller coaster ride they were very right. Both girls are doing fairly well today and I hold my breath out of fear that acknowledging that everything is okay might jinx us and something might go wrong.
Morgan and Maddy had a "fussy pants" day yesterday, but overall the day went well. Daddy gave Maddy a bath and changed her diaper for the first time. I took pictures. I got to hold Morgan in my hands again and I took the opportunity to kiss her knee. I still have yet to kiss Maddy. I think it is safe to say that Miss Morgan does not care for baths. My dad came to visit them yesterday and got to see them for th first time. I think he was shocked at how tiny they are. He took pictures and some video of me comforting Madelynn.
I am starting to feel more like a mommy everyday. I definitely feel more protective of them now and I am more and more comfortable touching and soothing them."
Reading this makes me sad and happy at the same time. I am sad that as a mother, knowing what I do now, feeling what I feel now, that I recorded that it was 11 days and more than 11 days before my sweet girls were ever even kissed.
I am going to skip an entry or few and put one from August 24th 12:35. It still makes me mad to read it:
"I am visiting with he girls again. It has been a pretty good two days for the girls but I am slightly frustrated. Everyday I rush William off to work and drive thirty minutes to get to the hospital by 11:45 - 11:50 and when I get in here the nurses have already diapered and put back to bed my girls. Today it just got to me. I got so mad, especially since I called around 10am to let them know I was coming. Anyway, I got so mad, I cried!
I mean my babies are 1 month old this week and I have only held Maddy a couple of times and Morgan so far never! The only things I am "allowed" to do for MY children is diaper and take their temperature. If you take that away from me then you are taking the only hands on interaction away from me that I have and that to me is rude. It would be different in no one knew I was coming - but they knew exactly what time I would be here because I called and specifically talked to Maddy's nurse Virginia. When I lost it and broke down in tears her nurse made a comment that they were "trying to work with me". On top of all that, all the breast milk I have and brought had xanax in it so now there is very little milk left and I am not producing a lot so I may not be able to even pump and give them milk much longer.
Morgan has had four or 5 apnea/brady spells today and its possible she could be getting another infection, we'll just have to wait and see. Whatever it is I just pray we don't have to go back on that vent. It takes forever to ween her back off of it.
Sometimes it just seems so unfair that we are here having to wade through all of this I literally ache inside to just take them home like a normal mom and just be a normal family.
I know some of these entries seem down, and yes, that is exactly how I felt most of the time we were in the NICU but wow, to look back and see how dramatically our life has changed over the past year. To see that me muddled through and now we are such a happy close family. The girls are such a huge blessing in our life; and to never forget how lucky we are that they did in fact come home. Not only did they survive but they are really thriving and getting along fantastically. I am such a lucky mommy and though reminiscing is painful regarding this subject, it is also very rewarding because in the end (the end of the first year) we are so much better off than where we started out. It was so worth it!
I might post some more entries tomorrow or later this week.
William made a joke this weekend. I said "I can't believe the girls are going to be one in a week" and he said "I know! It seems like just nine months ago we were bringing them home from the hospital", Haha. "It was, just nine months ago!" I said laughing at him. But all joking aside, it has been the best twelve months of my life. I have loved them from the very second I knew they existed, deep deep wells of love.
I think I am going to be bold and share a few entries in my NICU journal.
The first one is dated August 2nd. It is the first time I recorded anything on paper about how I was feeling regarding the girls birth. So here goes:"It's 3:15am and I am laying in a foldout chair behind Maddy's crib at LeBonheur NICU. My babies are eleven days old today and we have been up up up on a roller coaster and way back down again. Friday, Morgan's x-ray showed air in her belly, which indicated a perforation in her intestines. She was flown by helicopter to LeBonheur from Baptist. Her surgery was nerve wracking for me, but everything went very well.
Saturday was a pretty good day as Morgan began to wake up from anesthesia a little. Then Sunday when we got to Baptist to see Maddy, she was showing signs of a perforation too. We ended up repeating Friday- this time with Maddy. Now both girls are in the NICU at LeBonheur in side-by-side rooms.
William is asleep behind Morgan's bed and I am staying behind Maddy. Tonight our nurse is Linda and she is wonderful. She let me kiss Morgan on the forehead and that is her very first kiss! Linda has been running back and forth between babies all night which is probably a foreshadowing of my future.
I love them so so much. Who knew that love could feel this way? So full and almost overwhelming. I know my girls are a miracle from God and the He has amazing plans for them both."
August 4th, 2005
"William dropped me off this morning at the hospital. He has to work so much and it is so hard right now because we really need each other!"
August 7th, 2005 10:50am
"Today is Sunday. William and I are at the hospital with the girls. When the nurses told us that the NICU would be a roller coaster ride they were very right. Both girls are doing fairly well today and I hold my breath out of fear that acknowledging that everything is okay might jinx us and something might go wrong.
Morgan and Maddy had a "fussy pants" day yesterday, but overall the day went well. Daddy gave Maddy a bath and changed her diaper for the first time. I took pictures. I got to hold Morgan in my hands again and I took the opportunity to kiss her knee. I still have yet to kiss Maddy. I think it is safe to say that Miss Morgan does not care for baths. My dad came to visit them yesterday and got to see them for th first time. I think he was shocked at how tiny they are. He took pictures and some video of me comforting Madelynn.
I am starting to feel more like a mommy everyday. I definitely feel more protective of them now and I am more and more comfortable touching and soothing them."
Reading this makes me sad and happy at the same time. I am sad that as a mother, knowing what I do now, feeling what I feel now, that I recorded that it was 11 days and more than 11 days before my sweet girls were ever even kissed.
I am going to skip an entry or few and put one from August 24th 12:35. It still makes me mad to read it:
"I am visiting with he girls again. It has been a pretty good two days for the girls but I am slightly frustrated. Everyday I rush William off to work and drive thirty minutes to get to the hospital by 11:45 - 11:50 and when I get in here the nurses have already diapered and put back to bed my girls. Today it just got to me. I got so mad, especially since I called around 10am to let them know I was coming. Anyway, I got so mad, I cried!
I mean my babies are 1 month old this week and I have only held Maddy a couple of times and Morgan so far never! The only things I am "allowed" to do for MY children is diaper and take their temperature. If you take that away from me then you are taking the only hands on interaction away from me that I have and that to me is rude. It would be different in no one knew I was coming - but they knew exactly what time I would be here because I called and specifically talked to Maddy's nurse Virginia. When I lost it and broke down in tears her nurse made a comment that they were "trying to work with me". On top of all that, all the breast milk I have and brought had xanax in it so now there is very little milk left and I am not producing a lot so I may not be able to even pump and give them milk much longer.
Morgan has had four or 5 apnea/brady spells today and its possible she could be getting another infection, we'll just have to wait and see. Whatever it is I just pray we don't have to go back on that vent. It takes forever to ween her back off of it.
Sometimes it just seems so unfair that we are here having to wade through all of this I literally ache inside to just take them home like a normal mom and just be a normal family.
I know some of these entries seem down, and yes, that is exactly how I felt most of the time we were in the NICU but wow, to look back and see how dramatically our life has changed over the past year. To see that me muddled through and now we are such a happy close family. The girls are such a huge blessing in our life; and to never forget how lucky we are that they did in fact come home. Not only did they survive but they are really thriving and getting along fantastically. I am such a lucky mommy and though reminiscing is painful regarding this subject, it is also very rewarding because in the end (the end of the first year) we are so much better off than where we started out. It was so worth it!
I might post some more entries tomorrow or later this week.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Friday = Fun Filled Day!
Yesterday was so busy, but so much fun at the same time. In the morning Melissa came over to play with the girls and watch the Big Brother episode from the night before. We had lunch and had a nice time.
Then at two I packed the girls up and we drove to my cousin Carrie's mom's house to swim. It was a blast. The girls really do seem to love the water. They splashed and played to their hearts content and poor little Morgan wore herself out and fell asleep in her floaty. I had to finally dry her off and take her in for a nap. Maddy wanted nothing of a nap, she wanted to splash! The water was so refreshing on such a hot hot day and it was so nice to be with my cousin again. We have been trying to get together to do something since we had lunch several weeks ago, but things have just kept popping up, keeping us apart. I took a few pictures at the pool of the girls and her girls Alexis and Tori. They are so cute!
Then at two I packed the girls up and we drove to my cousin Carrie's mom's house to swim. It was a blast. The girls really do seem to love the water. They splashed and played to their hearts content and poor little Morgan wore herself out and fell asleep in her floaty. I had to finally dry her off and take her in for a nap. Maddy wanted nothing of a nap, she wanted to splash! The water was so refreshing on such a hot hot day and it was so nice to be with my cousin again. We have been trying to get together to do something since we had lunch several weeks ago, but things have just kept popping up, keeping us apart. I took a few pictures at the pool of the girls and her girls Alexis and Tori. They are so cute!
Maddy, just hangin' out in the pool!
About six we headed toward my mom's house. Since William worked perfect hours yesterday and actually got off at 6pm instead of 8pm, I asked mom if she would watch the girls overnight so we could go on a date night. I dropped them off at their Mimi's (where they are still at right now) and then headed home to meet William. We ended up going to Shogun which here is a hibatchi style Japanese restaurant. The food was delicious.
Then we went to see the 9:45 showing of "You, Me, and Dupree". It was okay. I mean it was pretty good, but not quite what I was expecting. I was thinking that I was going to laugh my head off but it wasn't as funny as I thought it would be. I think I would have rather seen "Pirates of the Carribean 2" and watched "Dupree" on DVD. But nevertheless, we had a nice time, even holding hands and being all snuggly toward each other throughout the night. It was so nice to finally have some couple time, although William and I desperately missed the girls.
We got home from the movies after midnight which is probably the first time we've been out that late since before we were married (minus the late night trips to the NICU last year) By the time we made it home we were both racing to the bed - to sleep. I think I was asleep before my head even touched the pillow. I was so tired. So much for romance :)
Today we are planning on chilling out. We are going to go get the girls from my mom's and then maybe run by the toy store and pick them up some stuff for their birthday which is only 1 week away! I can't believe that my sweet babies will be one year olds next weekend! Wow, time just flys by when your not looking :) Hope everyone else out there in blogland is having a wonderful weekend.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
NICU: Just a Visit
I haven't been online much the last week or so. I haven't felt like updating this blog when I was on. I had a really busy weekend and Monday with family and then yesterday I had a doctor's appointment at 11. It was the first time I have taken the girls to the OBGYN's office since they were born. Everyone just ooohed and awwwed over them too. The receptionist, the nurses, and especially my doctor. She said she was really excited to finally get to see them. They kept calling them their miracle babies. While there, the nurse who was getting my information for the visit, reminded me that she was the nurse who had taken care of me the day my water broke. I remembered but hadn't said anything about it to her yet. She said "I will never forget the day you came in here with your water broken. I will never forget your face" I said, "Really?" and then she pointed down the hall at a room and said "That was the room you were in that day" I asked her if they had many women have the same thing happen to them and she said "Not really" All of this amazed and perplexed me a great deal. While I remembered too the day, the room, and the nurse, I didn't remember any of the details of what was said or how I acted. It is all a blur to me. I guess I was in shock that day.
After I left the doctor's office I went up to the third floor of the hospital where I delivered to see a nurse that took care of me and has known me for years. She used to work in the doctor's office I had just left and everytime I needed anything she was the one I would talk to. While I was up seeing her, I ran into the physical therapist from the NICU and she talked me into going to see the NICU nurses and doctors. I was afraid to do so before her suggestion, for fear that when I called into the NICU and asked for a familiar nurse that they would have no idea who I was. But I was wrong. I called in and asked for Carol. They put her on. I said who I was, and that I had come by to visit. Within a minute or two the waiting room was flooded with nurses (some I didn't even remember until I saw them) and the neonatologist came out. I hugged Dr. Sander and told him that "I couldn't be more greatful!" I thanked them all. They remembered the girls, like they were family. They passed them around and talked to them. They were so amazed at how well everything turned out. They were more amazed that we hadn't been sick with RSV during the winter. They remembered William and where he worked and where we lived. They asked about our garden and my mother.
When we started to pack up to go, I bent over to put Maddy in the stroller. Teresa, the head nurse, said "Oh I wish the girls could stay a little longer" and I said "Nope, I'm taking them with me today" and I smiled. She laughed at the irony of her comment. I said "We stayed here long enough and I am so glad that we are finally all together"
Overall, I would say it was a healing experience to go back. But it also brought back lots of memories and thoughts I thought were buried up to this point. The closer we get to the girls birthday, the closer I feel to emotional meltdown. Instead of dealing with the emotions as they come though I just give up and try to ignore them. I feel the tension mounting and I feel very helpless at dealing with it. I am mostly a very open person. An open book of sorts. It is easy for me to express my feelings and share my thoughts, but for some reason when it comes to my NICU feelings I feel like if I open the gates, I will get knocked over and won't be able to explain anything or understand anything I am feeling. I don't want to forget but I do want to forget at the same time. I keep thinking that the girls' birthday is going to be the big finale to all of the questions swarming around in my head, to all the pain and fears and worries I have. That on that day I will deal with it all and move on, put it behind me. But when I think about it all more realistically I know that this won't be the case and instead, probably I will deal with these feelings for a while to come, like air leaking slowly out of a balloon.
Two finale thoughts:
I will try to update with some pictures tomorrow of the girls.
Like Kathy, I too, got the book "The Early Birds" by Jenny Minton and was asked by her publicist to read and review it on my blog. I am in the process of finishing it. I will tell you more about it and what I think when I am done. Check out her blog if you want more details about it.
After I left the doctor's office I went up to the third floor of the hospital where I delivered to see a nurse that took care of me and has known me for years. She used to work in the doctor's office I had just left and everytime I needed anything she was the one I would talk to. While I was up seeing her, I ran into the physical therapist from the NICU and she talked me into going to see the NICU nurses and doctors. I was afraid to do so before her suggestion, for fear that when I called into the NICU and asked for a familiar nurse that they would have no idea who I was. But I was wrong. I called in and asked for Carol. They put her on. I said who I was, and that I had come by to visit. Within a minute or two the waiting room was flooded with nurses (some I didn't even remember until I saw them) and the neonatologist came out. I hugged Dr. Sander and told him that "I couldn't be more greatful!" I thanked them all. They remembered the girls, like they were family. They passed them around and talked to them. They were so amazed at how well everything turned out. They were more amazed that we hadn't been sick with RSV during the winter. They remembered William and where he worked and where we lived. They asked about our garden and my mother.
When we started to pack up to go, I bent over to put Maddy in the stroller. Teresa, the head nurse, said "Oh I wish the girls could stay a little longer" and I said "Nope, I'm taking them with me today" and I smiled. She laughed at the irony of her comment. I said "We stayed here long enough and I am so glad that we are finally all together"
Overall, I would say it was a healing experience to go back. But it also brought back lots of memories and thoughts I thought were buried up to this point. The closer we get to the girls birthday, the closer I feel to emotional meltdown. Instead of dealing with the emotions as they come though I just give up and try to ignore them. I feel the tension mounting and I feel very helpless at dealing with it. I am mostly a very open person. An open book of sorts. It is easy for me to express my feelings and share my thoughts, but for some reason when it comes to my NICU feelings I feel like if I open the gates, I will get knocked over and won't be able to explain anything or understand anything I am feeling. I don't want to forget but I do want to forget at the same time. I keep thinking that the girls' birthday is going to be the big finale to all of the questions swarming around in my head, to all the pain and fears and worries I have. That on that day I will deal with it all and move on, put it behind me. But when I think about it all more realistically I know that this won't be the case and instead, probably I will deal with these feelings for a while to come, like air leaking slowly out of a balloon.
Two finale thoughts:
I will try to update with some pictures tomorrow of the girls.
Like Kathy, I too, got the book "The Early Birds" by Jenny Minton and was asked by her publicist to read and review it on my blog. I am in the process of finishing it. I will tell you more about it and what I think when I am done. Check out her blog if you want more details about it.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Random Thoughts on Sunday
1. Sorry I haven't posted this week. I actually typed up this long fabulous post on Friday about the reasons why I blog and the importance it holds to me for Maddy and Morgan. I was about 7 paragraphs in to it and really going and AOL crashed and it was gone forever. I tried to get blogger to recover it but the only thing that I got back was like the first two paragraphs. I was exhausted with all that typing and just gave up. I guess I will try to retype it sometime this next week if I get in the mood.
2. Thursday was the one year anniversary from when my water broke last year. I typed up a long post about the birth story, this one I saved. But after I wrote it all out, I wasn't sure that wanted to post it afterall. It was really detailed and it brought up a lot of deep feelings and I just didn't think the timing was right for me to put it out there. I did save it, so maybe if I get up the nerve, I will hit publish and poof there it will be.
3. Today is my dad's 50th bithday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! Thanks for being so involved with the girls. This past year has been so amazing and it is so nice to be able to spend this much time with you. You have been so good to us! We all love you!
4. I am going on a diet this week. I am not looking forward to it. I will let you know how it goes.
5. Maddy and Morgan seem to be feeling a lot better. Morgan is still having some struggles with the drainage at night, but really mostly they are doing much better. Thanks for all the well wishes about that.
6. Can you tell I have nothing to talk about? Isn't that weird? I usually have so much to say but the last couple of weeks have just been so exhausting and there isn't really anything interesting going on, to put in here. I am still trying to make the effort, but my life is fairly boring right now.
7. Countdown to Maddy and Morgan's FIRST Birthday: 13 DAYS!
8. I am SO excited about the girl's birthday party. I am looking forward to it. Friday I bought the girls a present for their birthday. It is this little monkey thing that rolls across the floor and waves its arms to get the kids to crawl after it. It sings and makes monkey noises. Well I showed it to Morgan and she went nuts over it. She was so excited that if William hadn't stopped me, I would have opened it right there for her to play with. But he made me put it up for their birthday. He knows me, if I open that now, I will feel obligated to go out and buy something else to open at their party. I can't wait to see them eat cake and ice cream and to take a ton of pictures. I think I am going to make them little scrap books with all the pictures from their party so they can always remember their first birthday.
9. I really want to go to the movies. There are like five movies out that I would love to see. I really want to see "The Lake House" with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. And I would love to see "The Devil Wears Prada" with Meryl Streep. Those look good. William wants to see "Click" with Adam Sandler or "Pirates of the Carribean 2". I tried to get William to go to the drive-in last night but he said that it would be too hot and he would be too stressed with the girls. I think I am going to try again tonight. I just really want to go and we have no babysitter available right now, so the drive in would be perfect. Brigitta was out of town all week and weekend and eveyone else is busy.
10. Maddy is standing up with out support. She still won't do it all the time, but when the moment hits her right, she will stand up in the middle of the floor without holding on to anything and just stand there for a few seconds before sitting back down. Morgan is pulling up in her crib and on the side of the couch. Morgan is still not sitting much better, but hopefully soon! They are growing up so fast. I wonder if Maddy will be walking at her party?
2. Thursday was the one year anniversary from when my water broke last year. I typed up a long post about the birth story, this one I saved. But after I wrote it all out, I wasn't sure that wanted to post it afterall. It was really detailed and it brought up a lot of deep feelings and I just didn't think the timing was right for me to put it out there. I did save it, so maybe if I get up the nerve, I will hit publish and poof there it will be.
3. Today is my dad's 50th bithday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! Thanks for being so involved with the girls. This past year has been so amazing and it is so nice to be able to spend this much time with you. You have been so good to us! We all love you!
4. I am going on a diet this week. I am not looking forward to it. I will let you know how it goes.5. Maddy and Morgan seem to be feeling a lot better. Morgan is still having some struggles with the drainage at night, but really mostly they are doing much better. Thanks for all the well wishes about that.
6. Can you tell I have nothing to talk about? Isn't that weird? I usually have so much to say but the last couple of weeks have just been so exhausting and there isn't really anything interesting going on, to put in here. I am still trying to make the effort, but my life is fairly boring right now.
7. Countdown to Maddy and Morgan's FIRST Birthday: 13 DAYS!
8. I am SO excited about the girl's birthday party. I am looking forward to it. Friday I bought the girls a present for their birthday. It is this little monkey thing that rolls across the floor and waves its arms to get the kids to crawl after it. It sings and makes monkey noises. Well I showed it to Morgan and she went nuts over it. She was so excited that if William hadn't stopped me, I would have opened it right there for her to play with. But he made me put it up for their birthday. He knows me, if I open that now, I will feel obligated to go out and buy something else to open at their party. I can't wait to see them eat cake and ice cream and to take a ton of pictures. I think I am going to make them little scrap books with all the pictures from their party so they can always remember their first birthday.
9. I really want to go to the movies. There are like five movies out that I would love to see. I really want to see "The Lake House" with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. And I would love to see "The Devil Wears Prada" with Meryl Streep. Those look good. William wants to see "Click" with Adam Sandler or "Pirates of the Carribean 2". I tried to get William to go to the drive-in last night but he said that it would be too hot and he would be too stressed with the girls. I think I am going to try again tonight. I just really want to go and we have no babysitter available right now, so the drive in would be perfect. Brigitta was out of town all week and weekend and eveyone else is busy.
10. Maddy is standing up with out support. She still won't do it all the time, but when the moment hits her right, she will stand up in the middle of the floor without holding on to anything and just stand there for a few seconds before sitting back down. Morgan is pulling up in her crib and on the side of the couch. Morgan is still not sitting much better, but hopefully soon! They are growing up so fast. I wonder if Maddy will be walking at her party?
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Fourth of July Celebration
Well, lets just say that yesterday was a very interesting day! It was full of a lot of firsts for my kids, Maddy's first bubble bath, the girl's first Independence Day, first fireworks. I thought I would share some pictures from yesterday!
I started the day by giving Maddy a bubble bath with the Johnson and Johnson Vapor Bath. She has a runny nose and it is making her choke a lot. I thought the vapor bath might help open her up some and help clear out her head. She really had a good time in the water. She kept trying to eat the bubbles though!
About 5pm, we headed to the park to see the Fourth of July Fireworks Extravaganza. It was pretty hot outside but we were in a shady place that got a breeze here and there. We moved once, to get a better spot to see the fireworks, and we ended up in the perfect place to see them, they were right in front of us.
Aubree was SO excited about the fireworks show. It was hard to keep her still, she was just SO EXCITED! Can't you tell? :) "Woo hoo, fireworks!" that's what she kept hollering at the crowd!
Morgan was taking a more laid back approach. Here she is just chillin'; waitin' to see what all the fuss is about!
Once they started, all of us were so excited. I was stressing out before they started about how loud it was going to be, but really it turned out to be pretty mild. I held Morgan in my lap and covered her ears with my hands and she was just mesmerized by the colors in the sky. William did the same with Maddy; and Tim and Beth took care of their kids. It was a really cool display and they played music along with it that seemed to go along with the light show.
In the end, I would say we had a really nice time. We got home about 10pm and I gave the girls a second bath for the day to get the Bug Repellant off of them. They were worn out so they weren't too happy about the late night bath. Morgan slept in her crib and Maddy slept between me and William because she is so congested still. I wanted to keep her close in case I had to suction her nose in the middle of the night to help her breathe.
As for today, I am back to being all domestic. This morning I made pickles with some of the cucumbers William grew outside. I am now waiting on the Occupational Therapist to come out for the first time and I am worried about my house smelling like pickle juice. They look really good though and I can't wait to eat them. I will let you know how they taste.
I would say that overall this holiday weekend turned out to be a very American celebration! Time spent with family and friends. Fireworks and food and a little country canning thrown in for good measure! Hope eveyone else out there had a nice holiday.
I started the day by giving Maddy a bubble bath with the Johnson and Johnson Vapor Bath. She has a runny nose and it is making her choke a lot. I thought the vapor bath might help open her up some and help clear out her head. She really had a good time in the water. She kept trying to eat the bubbles though!About 5pm, we headed to the park to see the Fourth of July Fireworks Extravaganza. It was pretty hot outside but we were in a shady place that got a breeze here and there. We moved once, to get a better spot to see the fireworks, and we ended up in the perfect place to see them, they were right in front of us.Aubree was SO excited about the fireworks show. It was hard to keep her still, she was just SO EXCITED! Can't you tell? :) "Woo hoo, fireworks!" that's what she kept hollering at the crowd!Morgan was taking a more laid back approach. Here she is just chillin'; waitin' to see what all the fuss is about!Once they started, all of us were so excited. I was stressing out before they started about how loud it was going to be, but really it turned out to be pretty mild. I held Morgan in my lap and covered her ears with my hands and she was just mesmerized by the colors in the sky. William did the same with Maddy; and Tim and Beth took care of their kids. It was a really cool display and they played music along with it that seemed to go along with the light show.In the end, I would say we had a really nice time. We got home about 10pm and I gave the girls a second bath for the day to get the Bug Repellant off of them. They were worn out so they weren't too happy about the late night bath. Morgan slept in her crib and Maddy slept between me and William because she is so congested still. I wanted to keep her close in case I had to suction her nose in the middle of the night to help her breathe.
As for today, I am back to being all domestic. This morning I made pickles with some of the cucumbers William grew outside. I am now waiting on the Occupational Therapist to come out for the first time and I am worried about my house smelling like pickle juice. They look really good though and I can't wait to eat them. I will let you know how they taste.
I would say that overall this holiday weekend turned out to be a very American celebration! Time spent with family and friends. Fireworks and food and a little country canning thrown in for good measure! Hope eveyone else out there had a nice holiday.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Heat Wave ... Too HOT to think!
Too tired and TOO HOT! to really form sentences much less think up something to talk about so just going to put out some random thoughts for you to ponder over!
1. I finished the invitations for the girl's birthday party. It is going to be a pool party at Melissa's clubhouse on July 22nd, their actual birthday. I am so excited. I will be sending out invitations on Wednesday so be looking for them in the mail. If you want to come, you are more than invited, so shoot me an email and I will make sure you get one and or the directions to the place. Kathy, you and Patrick are flying in for this right? Just kidding, I wish you could come though :) You too Tonya - bring Randie for a swim?
2. Madelynn is still sick. She has a rash and a runny nose and is very cranky and clingy - still. She is playing, but she wants to be right up under me. Today her nose bled for the first time ever :( My poor girl. One interesting thing is that she keeps poking her finger up her nose and it is hilarious and gross at the same time. How do they know to do that?
3. I got some possible bad news on Friday. Vickie the girls PT came out and was talking to me about Morgan. She is starting to suspect that Morgan may have mild cebral palsy. It is too soon to tell really if her low and high muscle tone issues are related only to prematurity or if it could be some CP too. Her worry rating on a scale of 1 to 10 was a "4 or 5". I think if her rating was a 1 or even a 10, I would be just as ill over it as I am today. It is just not something that I want to consider. It is scary and sad and makes me feel sick to my stomach with worry. I am just going to pray and Pray and PRAY about it until I feel much better. If you could pray too, I would really appreciate it. I don't want either of my baby's to be labeled with anything so serious as CP. She said if she does have it it could mean as little as her just being clumsier than other children or it could be that she has some gait issues. It doesn't always end up that the child is drawn up and in a wheelchair, those are severe cases. One thing that Morgan has in her favor is that she is crawling and starting to pull up on the furniture. She said most babies who aren't sitting well, don't even crawl, but Morgan is moving and a grooving right along. So we will hold breath and cross fingers that my little bunny will be just fine.
4. There are things I would love to put in my blog. There are things I need to record and say so that I will know the true feelings I was having during this time in my life. I want to use my blog as a way to journal my life as a new mother. So that one day the girls can read it and see what I was feeling day in and day out during this time. But there are some things that I just can't bring myself to put in here. Things I don't want anyone to read neccessarily, but things that I don't want to forget. Does that make sense. Maybe I need to keep a paper journal too, just to have somewhere to put it all down at. Good thinking Mandy. I think I will get me a new journal sometime this week.
5. I am still working on a post about the girls birth and our NICU experience. I wish, like Hechung and Mike, I had known about this blog thing when the girls were born. Maybe I would have been able to vent and deal better with all those feelings while I was going through them instead of stuffing them way down inside of me and trying to deal with them here and there after the fact. A year ago this Thursday is when my water broke and this whole journey started for us. I am very aware of where I was a year ago today and tomorrow and so on. Each day I think "Hmm A year ago today I was ..."
6. Why is it that no matter how many toys and stuff that I drag out onto the floor for the girls to play with they find something dangerous or something they aren't supposed to get into to get into. For instance, at this very moment, Maddy is sitting in the middle of a floor with about twenty different age appropriate toys around her but she is more fascinated in these objects: William's cell phone holder, the phone cord coming out of the wall, an envelope she keeps dragging out of the computer desk, My hair clip that was clipped onto the side of the desk but I have now given up and let her have.
When she is playing with her toys I don't feel obsessed about watching her every move but when she is playing with something she is not supposed to really have (I don't let her near the phone cord, but the clip and the envelope I am letting her explore) I feel the need to watch her like a hawk. I mean what if a screw or something comes off of it and she chokes on it? I tried to take the things away but she screamed so much I just gave in and figured I would sit and watch her. But what is so fascinating about my hair clip when right next to it is a rattle worm thing that is bright colors and jingles when you move it? My hair clip is just boring brown.
7. William is off tomorrow and I am SO excited. I would love to just lay around all day and do nothing really! I always feel like I am wasting our time together if I do nothing but when we do actually go out and make a day of it, I wish the whole next day that I had just rested.
8. Now Maddy is trying to put my hair clip in the VCR. At least she knows the word "No" and tends to mind me. She looks at me when I say "No" and then usually eventually moves on to something else.
9. Do you know how HOT it is here today? I don't know for sure but it feels terrible outside. Yesterday I know that it was at least 101. That is ENTIRELY TOO HOT! When outside, it almost feels like your lungs are going to melt into liquid goo from the heat! Ewww.
10. We gave Maddy and Morgan soggy cheerios this weekend and they seemed to do pretty good with them. Maddy did really well, but Morgan ended up choking and needed to be turned over and pounded on. Well, we are at least making progress!
... I can't think anymore and really I am dying to get up and go get a cold glass of ice water. Happy Fourth of July! I will try to post some cute pictures of my bug a boo's tomorrow.
1. I finished the invitations for the girl's birthday party. It is going to be a pool party at Melissa's clubhouse on July 22nd, their actual birthday. I am so excited. I will be sending out invitations on Wednesday so be looking for them in the mail. If you want to come, you are more than invited, so shoot me an email and I will make sure you get one and or the directions to the place. Kathy, you and Patrick are flying in for this right? Just kidding, I wish you could come though :) You too Tonya - bring Randie for a swim?
2. Madelynn is still sick. She has a rash and a runny nose and is very cranky and clingy - still. She is playing, but she wants to be right up under me. Today her nose bled for the first time ever :( My poor girl. One interesting thing is that she keeps poking her finger up her nose and it is hilarious and gross at the same time. How do they know to do that?
3. I got some possible bad news on Friday. Vickie the girls PT came out and was talking to me about Morgan. She is starting to suspect that Morgan may have mild cebral palsy. It is too soon to tell really if her low and high muscle tone issues are related only to prematurity or if it could be some CP too. Her worry rating on a scale of 1 to 10 was a "4 or 5". I think if her rating was a 1 or even a 10, I would be just as ill over it as I am today. It is just not something that I want to consider. It is scary and sad and makes me feel sick to my stomach with worry. I am just going to pray and Pray and PRAY about it until I feel much better. If you could pray too, I would really appreciate it. I don't want either of my baby's to be labeled with anything so serious as CP. She said if she does have it it could mean as little as her just being clumsier than other children or it could be that she has some gait issues. It doesn't always end up that the child is drawn up and in a wheelchair, those are severe cases. One thing that Morgan has in her favor is that she is crawling and starting to pull up on the furniture. She said most babies who aren't sitting well, don't even crawl, but Morgan is moving and a grooving right along. So we will hold breath and cross fingers that my little bunny will be just fine.
4. There are things I would love to put in my blog. There are things I need to record and say so that I will know the true feelings I was having during this time in my life. I want to use my blog as a way to journal my life as a new mother. So that one day the girls can read it and see what I was feeling day in and day out during this time. But there are some things that I just can't bring myself to put in here. Things I don't want anyone to read neccessarily, but things that I don't want to forget. Does that make sense. Maybe I need to keep a paper journal too, just to have somewhere to put it all down at. Good thinking Mandy. I think I will get me a new journal sometime this week.
5. I am still working on a post about the girls birth and our NICU experience. I wish, like Hechung and Mike, I had known about this blog thing when the girls were born. Maybe I would have been able to vent and deal better with all those feelings while I was going through them instead of stuffing them way down inside of me and trying to deal with them here and there after the fact. A year ago this Thursday is when my water broke and this whole journey started for us. I am very aware of where I was a year ago today and tomorrow and so on. Each day I think "Hmm A year ago today I was ..."
6. Why is it that no matter how many toys and stuff that I drag out onto the floor for the girls to play with they find something dangerous or something they aren't supposed to get into to get into. For instance, at this very moment, Maddy is sitting in the middle of a floor with about twenty different age appropriate toys around her but she is more fascinated in these objects: William's cell phone holder, the phone cord coming out of the wall, an envelope she keeps dragging out of the computer desk, My hair clip that was clipped onto the side of the desk but I have now given up and let her have.
When she is playing with her toys I don't feel obsessed about watching her every move but when she is playing with something she is not supposed to really have (I don't let her near the phone cord, but the clip and the envelope I am letting her explore) I feel the need to watch her like a hawk. I mean what if a screw or something comes off of it and she chokes on it? I tried to take the things away but she screamed so much I just gave in and figured I would sit and watch her. But what is so fascinating about my hair clip when right next to it is a rattle worm thing that is bright colors and jingles when you move it? My hair clip is just boring brown.
7. William is off tomorrow and I am SO excited. I would love to just lay around all day and do nothing really! I always feel like I am wasting our time together if I do nothing but when we do actually go out and make a day of it, I wish the whole next day that I had just rested.
8. Now Maddy is trying to put my hair clip in the VCR. At least she knows the word "No" and tends to mind me. She looks at me when I say "No" and then usually eventually moves on to something else.
9. Do you know how HOT it is here today? I don't know for sure but it feels terrible outside. Yesterday I know that it was at least 101. That is ENTIRELY TOO HOT! When outside, it almost feels like your lungs are going to melt into liquid goo from the heat! Ewww.
10. We gave Maddy and Morgan soggy cheerios this weekend and they seemed to do pretty good with them. Maddy did really well, but Morgan ended up choking and needed to be turned over and pounded on. Well, we are at least making progress!
... I can't think anymore and really I am dying to get up and go get a cold glass of ice water. Happy Fourth of July! I will try to post some cute pictures of my bug a boo's tomorrow.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Domestic!
Okay half way through typing this post the electician stopped by to check on a few things. He flipped the breaker and all that beautiful writing vanished when the computer was suddenly without power.
So ... I was reminding you of how last week I became determined to get the girls one of those fancy shcmancy shopping cart covers that keep tiny mouths and fingers from sucking up loads of germs from the everyday buggy we use at Walmart and Target and wherever else I drag my precious babies too.
I was telling you that I went to Babies R Us to find one last week, but all they had was ugly dark BLUE ones that cost $40.00! $40.00 people. So William being the super encouraging husband who believes in my domestic goddess skills suggested I buy a pattern for one and make two.
I went to Hancock fabric and picked out lovely fabrics in girly colors. I bought the $8.00 pattern, the seat belt and buckle for it. I even bought the fusible fleece it required. The lady who cut my fabric said that it would be a fairly easy pattern to do. It ended up costing $30.00 but at least it would be girly right?
All I can say is yeah right! The directions in it were indecipherable many times. I cut out the fabrics and pinned it like I should. I then called Shelley and asked for help.
So ... I was reminding you of how last week I became determined to get the girls one of those fancy shcmancy shopping cart covers that keep tiny mouths and fingers from sucking up loads of germs from the everyday buggy we use at Walmart and Target and wherever else I drag my precious babies too.
I was telling you that I went to Babies R Us to find one last week, but all they had was ugly dark BLUE ones that cost $40.00! $40.00 people. So William being the super encouraging husband who believes in my domestic goddess skills suggested I buy a pattern for one and make two.
I went to Hancock fabric and picked out lovely fabrics in girly colors. I bought the $8.00 pattern, the seat belt and buckle for it. I even bought the fusible fleece it required. The lady who cut my fabric said that it would be a fairly easy pattern to do. It ended up costing $30.00 but at least it would be girly right?
All I can say is yeah right! The directions in it were indecipherable many times. I cut out the fabrics and pinned it like I should. I then called Shelley and asked for help.
Shelley is a doctor and Dan, her husband, is an engineer. It took all three of us three days to figure this pattern out and get the thing made. It was ridiculously hard. There were times when we, as a group, had to take a time out just to keep from throwing the whole dern thing out the back window.
Dan entertains Morgan while we sew!
But finally we finished and now ... Ta Da!!! We have the most beautiful shopping cart cover EVER!!!! William and I went to Walmart last night to get groceries and we took it along. Maddy really liked it and it kept her somewhat entertained and more importantly ... germ free, while we shopped.
On its maiden voyage, I got stopped THREE, count them, 3, three, times by strangers commenting on how cute or how neat it was. I was the envy of all the other shopper moms and, AND, it was 1030pm on a Friday night. Imagine my fame and attention when I take the thing to Target today! Yep, you betcha, gonna be so exciting, people will probably want autographs, I bet!
Thanks Shelley and Dan for helping me (okay for mostly doing it for me :)) We really appreciate it! We make a good team! Thanks Dan for the physics lesson and helping us figure out the gest of what the stupid instructions were trying or flat out didn't say. Ya'll are both the best!
Here it is! In all it's glory ...
Maddy checking out the fancy features such as POCKETS!
And Link-A-Doo loops!
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