Heat Wave ... Too HOT to think!

Too tired and TOO HOT! to really form sentences much less think up something to talk about so just going to put out some random thoughts for you to ponder over!

1. I finished the invitations for the girl's birthday party. It is going to be a pool party at Melissa's clubhouse on July 22nd, their actual birthday. I am so excited. I will be sending out invitations on Wednesday so be looking for them in the mail. If you want to come, you are more than invited, so shoot me an email and I will make sure you get one and or the directions to the place. Kathy, you and Patrick are flying in for this right? Just kidding, I wish you could come though :) You too Tonya - bring Randie for a swim?

2. Madelynn is still sick. She has a rash and a runny nose and is very cranky and clingy - still. She is playing, but she wants to be right up under me. Today her nose bled for the first time ever :( My poor girl. One interesting thing is that she keeps poking her finger up her nose and it is hilarious and gross at the same time. How do they know to do that?

3. I got some possible bad news on Friday. Vickie the girls PT came out and was talking to me about Morgan. She is starting to suspect that Morgan may have mild cebral palsy. It is too soon to tell really if her low and high muscle tone issues are related only to prematurity or if it could be some CP too. Her worry rating on a scale of 1 to 10 was a "4 or 5". I think if her rating was a 1 or even a 10, I would be just as ill over it as I am today. It is just not something that I want to consider. It is scary and sad and makes me feel sick to my stomach with worry. I am just going to pray and Pray and PRAY about it until I feel much better. If you could pray too, I would really appreciate it. I don't want either of my baby's to be labeled with anything so serious as CP. She said if she does have it it could mean as little as her just being clumsier than other children or it could be that she has some gait issues. It doesn't always end up that the child is drawn up and in a wheelchair, those are severe cases. One thing that Morgan has in her favor is that she is crawling and starting to pull up on the furniture. She said most babies who aren't sitting well, don't even crawl, but Morgan is moving and a grooving right along. So we will hold breath and cross fingers that my little bunny will be just fine.

4. There are things I would love to put in my blog. There are things I need to record and say so that I will know the true feelings I was having during this time in my life. I want to use my blog as a way to journal my life as a new mother. So that one day the girls can read it and see what I was feeling day in and day out during this time. But there are some things that I just can't bring myself to put in here. Things I don't want anyone to read neccessarily, but things that I don't want to forget. Does that make sense. Maybe I need to keep a paper journal too, just to have somewhere to put it all down at. Good thinking Mandy. I think I will get me a new journal sometime this week.

5. I am still working on a post about the girls birth and our NICU experience. I wish, like Hechung and Mike, I had known about this blog thing when the girls were born. Maybe I would have been able to vent and deal better with all those feelings while I was going through them instead of stuffing them way down inside of me and trying to deal with them here and there after the fact. A year ago this Thursday is when my water broke and this whole journey started for us. I am very aware of where I was a year ago today and tomorrow and so on. Each day I think "Hmm A year ago today I was ..."

6. Why is it that no matter how many toys and stuff that I drag out onto the floor for the girls to play with they find something dangerous or something they aren't supposed to get into to get into. For instance, at this very moment, Maddy is sitting in the middle of a floor with about twenty different age appropriate toys around her but she is more fascinated in these objects: William's cell phone holder, the phone cord coming out of the wall, an envelope she keeps dragging out of the computer desk, My hair clip that was clipped onto the side of the desk but I have now given up and let her have.
When she is playing with her toys I don't feel obsessed about watching her every move but when she is playing with something she is not supposed to really have (I don't let her near the phone cord, but the clip and the envelope I am letting her explore) I feel the need to watch her like a hawk. I mean what if a screw or something comes off of it and she chokes on it? I tried to take the things away but she screamed so much I just gave in and figured I would sit and watch her. But what is so fascinating about my hair clip when right next to it is a rattle worm thing that is bright colors and jingles when you move it? My hair clip is just boring brown.

7. William is off tomorrow and I am SO excited. I would love to just lay around all day and do nothing really! I always feel like I am wasting our time together if I do nothing but when we do actually go out and make a day of it, I wish the whole next day that I had just rested.

8. Now Maddy is trying to put my hair clip in the VCR. At least she knows the word "No" and tends to mind me. She looks at me when I say "No" and then usually eventually moves on to something else.

9. Do you know how HOT it is here today? I don't know for sure but it feels terrible outside. Yesterday I know that it was at least 101. That is ENTIRELY TOO HOT! When outside, it almost feels like your lungs are going to melt into liquid goo from the heat! Ewww.

10. We gave Maddy and Morgan soggy cheerios this weekend and they seemed to do pretty good with them. Maddy did really well, but Morgan ended up choking and needed to be turned over and pounded on. Well, we are at least making progress!

... I can't think anymore and really I am dying to get up and go get a cold glass of ice water. Happy Fourth of July! I will try to post some cute pictures of my bug a boo's tomorrow.