A Few of My Thoughts ...

We are having a ROYAL fussy pants day today in this household. The whining is at an ever increasing level and I am feeling like I time warped back to the early days when the girls first came home and Madelynn had bad colic. Today it isn't so much one baby, but both. For instance Morgan cried forever this morning and then I put her down for a nap and Maddy woke up from her three hour nap in a great mood but as soon as she realized I wasn't going to hand over my chicken salad sandwich she started a tantrum and has been going ever since. Combine this with Maddy who is now into everything, especially if it is a cord plugged into an outlet, and I am one worn out mommy. Since today feels like a Monday (because yesterday was the Memorial Day holiday) I figured I would just make it easy on myself and belt out some random musings.

1. It has been really quiet here in blogland. Blogging has taken on this whole new thing for me. I was intending to keep this as a journal and somewhere along the way I changed my mind and started writing more to please an audience. So then when I write something funny and no one comments I feel a sense of dissapointment and even some shame. Like I have emarrassed myself by putting myself out there. I wish more of my family and close friends would take the time to comment or send me an email and say "hi" every now and then. I started this to keep them updated on the girls and now they know everything that is going on with us but I never hear from some them anymore.

2. I have misplaced my journal from the NICU. I was going to look through it and maybe even post some of the things I wrote while there and now I can't find it anywhere. I know it is around the house somewhere but where? I will keep looking.

3. Maddy started really talking up a storm this weekend and she is such a daddy's girl. She has been clinging to him all weekend and today when he left for work she went and sat by the toy box by the front door and said "da da da, my da da da da, daaa eeee" over and over. Later on after her nap she woke up and was in her crib standing up on the side saying "da da da da da" It was so cute.

4. I am not really into controversy. I like things to be even and fair and civil. But have you seen Madonna! Has she gone MAD! I just saw her picture in the new People magazine on a mirrored cross with a crown of thorns on. That is so revolting to me as a Christian! I honestly just find it sad that she would feel the need to do something like that!

5. I sent Maddy to her room just now for the first time ever. She has been whining for an hour at least. She finally broke out in full on tantrum and even as I sat there trying to remedy it with this toy or another bottle of milk, she just kept screaming. I got frustrated with her and just took her to bed. It has been five minutes and I haven't heard a peep from her since I laid her down. I think she is really tired today for whatever reason.

6. Sometimes I want to use my blog to really vent, to just go off and get it all out there, but I can't because I passed my blog address out to everyone I know so they could check on the girls whenever and I don't want to ever hurt someone's feelings if they by chance read my post that day.

7. I still haven’t replaced my cell phone. I decided to wait until the first, to get a new one. I can still check my messages on it though, so if you need to reach me and the home number is busy or William doesn’t answer, just leave me a message on my cell and I will call you back.

8. I wish I could go on a vacation right now. Leave out tonight and be gone to the beach for a week at least. I need some quality time with my family. William was off yesterday, so we had a three day weekend but it wasn’t enough. I just want to get away. Away from this house. Unfortunately we are one) broke and two) William used up the last of his vacation days a couple of months ago when we had that really bad stomach flu.

9. Tonya, my blog friend, is just the best! We post comments on each others sites daily and we email each other too sometimes but I really appreciate her candor and her friendship. I appreciate all of my blog friends. Being a stay at home mom is a great job and I know that if I was working again I would really miss being home with the girls everyday. There is no place on earth I would rather be than with them, but I am SO lonely sometimes. Today is one of those days! It can be so isolating, especially with two children. It is so much work to pack up two babies. It is already so hot now outside and the girls get heavier to lug around everyday. During RSV season we went nowhere with the girls and as soon as spring hit I was so excited about the possibility of getting out more often, but alas, I am still here stuck in this little house. I have tried to take the girls outside at least once a day for fresh air and sanity. It has helped a lot but I really need to connect with other adults. People that I love and that are in my life normally, even William doesn’t understand how isolating it is. Some of the people in my life should make more of an effort I think. I am willing to pack up the kids and pack up the car seats and strollers and meet them wherever whenever but still some of them can‘t find any time to fit us in. They are just too busy. Funny, they weren’t too busy to do lunch or hang out before the girls arrived. And anyway, I don’t think it is the girls that keep them away now. Maybe it is me? Maybe I am boring now or all I have to talk about is the kids? I don’t know, but I really miss it. I miss them. I miss having my own social life. Sorry to rant, thanks to those friends and family members who do make an effort and haven’t forgotten about us in these last few months, you are the best! :)

10. Still no baby, Beth went to the doctor today and he had said if she had dilated anymore or Aubree wasn’t cooperating in any way, we would for sure have us a baby, but Aubree (with her crush on Dr. Gray - see Beth’s blog) is doing well and so we still have no new pics of a baby to post! We are getting closer though and will probably have a new little girl to spoil within the next week! So keep your eyes out for some adorable new baby pics. I have my camera loaded with new batteries and ready to go at a moment’s notice :)

Gotta go let the dog out, cuddle with my Morgan bear and check on Maddy (who is still quietly sleeping since I put her down earlier) There is a bug flying in my face too and it is driving me crazy. Sorry if I ranted more than I raved today. Maybe later I will post some cutie pie pictures I took of the girls and have been saving for you. If you get a second please drop me a line and say “hi”. I could really use the *hugs* today and a caring comment. Not feeling my best obviously!