At this very moment, my sweet Morgan is in her crib, crying her head off. It is literally killing me. So why am I letting her cry? I am trying to let her "cry it out". I am trying my hardest to teach her to go to sleep on her own and to nap. She is very tired, which is why she is crying SO hard.Morgan and Maddy have different cries. We have known this all along. Maddy's cry is more of a whine and Morgan's is more hysterical, accompanied by screams and crocodile tears running down her cheecks. Morgan cries to the point of huffing and puffing. Her eyebrows turn red, her lip pouts out. She sucks her breath and her body shakes with deep breaths.
Maddy's cry is annoying and grates on your nerves, poor baby (I don't love her any less for this) but we started putting her in her bed when she was first home. She was colicky and there were times where we just had to put her down in another room to get through it. So early on, Maddy learned to go to sleep when put in her crib. Now it is effortless. I simply take her in there when she starts to show signs of sleepiness and she goes straight to sleep, often without as much as a wimper.
Morgan on the otherhand, has never cried it out. Whenever Morgan would cry it would ignite a fire in me. I would rush to her and cradle her and rock her, we got into the habit of cuddling her and rocking her to sleep. All this worked well until a couple of weeks ago when she decided to stop napping. She was cranky and every aspect of her personality and routine was affected by her decision to abandon napping. I could rock her to sleep but if I so much as breathed funny she would wake up and be ready to play until an hour later when she would be extremely cranky and irritable because she didn't have a good nap. Then I resorted, for about a week, to putting her in her baby swing and letting it rock her to sleep. This worked pretty well but she would still only sleep about 30 minutes in it.
So Monday after William left for work I put her in her crib and decided I would let her cry it out. She cried for about 20 minutes and then was sound asleep. Then yesterday, Tuesday, I put her down (same time) and she cried for about five minutes. Last night at bedtime, I put her down and she didn't cry at all. She just went straight to sleep. So today when I put her down, I wasn't expecting the fit that is currently going on in the other room. She has now cried for about 30 minutes and I am sick to my stomach over it. It is taking every ounce of my being not to bust through the door to get her. I must stand firm, right?
wait ... wait ... I don't hear anything. YES! she is finally quiet! I hope she is asleep and not in there thinking that I have abandoned her and don't love her anymore. I read somewhere that most of a person's personality is formed in the first three years of life and I don't want her growing up thinking no one loves her because I let her cry it out at 9 months old. I feel so tormented. Does every mother go through this? They must, right?
She isn't asleep, She is crying again. I guess she was just catching her breath. I don't think I can do this much longer. Typing is keeping me from going in there. Do you feel like you are on the front lines with me? I think Morgan's cries finally woke Maddy up too because Maddy is in there talking and cooing. Probaby telling her little sister that mommy does in fact love her and it will be okay. Let's hope!
Let's rationalize for a moment, okay? If I go in there now and rescue her, I have basically wasted the thirty minutes of progress we have now made. It reinforces to her that if she cries long enough I will come and get her. So we will have to start this entire process over again another day (cause I can't do this again today). But if I leave her alone she WILL eventually tucker out and go to sleep and then next time I put her down she will maybe cry less figuring that it is a waste of time to cry that long because mommy isn't coming till she sleeps and wakes back up. That sounds good. I will hold the fort :)
. . . 5 minutes after last paragraph! . . . She is quiet again. Maddy is talking in her bed. But I do not hear Morgan. Hooray! I survived.
. . . 5 minutes later . . .
Snuck in to get Maddy and Morgan is finally asleep! Thank Goodness! :)
3 comments:
Congratulations on surviving the ordeal! I have a post or two like that too when my son wouldn't quit crying and fall asleep. I rationalized it by realizing that if he was going to scream in my arms and in bed, then at least when he screamed in bed it wasn't annoying me as much. And he could go to sleep more easily in bed. I understand how tough it is though to let them cry, and that's great you made it through.
Congrats on Surviving Mandy!! We have been quite lucky i would say with Randie.. We have never let her cry it out personally but we used to hold her and rock her to sleep.. once asleep we would put her down and sneak out.. now I just put her in her crib and sit in a chair in the room.. until she falls alseep.. which usually doesnt take too long and then I sneak out.. :)
I know how you feel about it being hard hearing your little ones cry though!! It just breaks your heart..
awww... Like people said.. you survived! They are getting to be such big girls... :) You are a great mom.
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